Pissed at ME...

I realized it is a lot easier being mad at someone than being mad at your own self.

I spoke earlier about the stupid moments we get in life and how we should try and avoid them. However, that doesn't mean I succeed at doing do every time.

This post is a post-stupid moment and I'm seriously pissed at myself. Regret is eating out my guts cause I could have easily avoided this situation I was put in or at least what I’m current feeling. And it annoys me that I voluntarily placed myself in these shoes.  

I took an action knowing it would lead to crappy endings and I couldn't stop myself from doing it.  I hate that I keep saying next time I'll be stronger, that I’ll have more self control, more sanity, more logic… that next time I'll stick to my own self vows... But I fail myself. And that’s the worst type of failing!

It's hard when you're angry and you can't take it out on anyone because you're the one to blame. You're the one to blame for making yourself look bad... You're the one to blame for your own self humility! The excuses you’re giving yourself don’t make any sense because you already knew it would end badly! Nothing could’ve possibly given you hope that results could be different.

I'm in lots of anger! Yesterday I took a decision to do something and as I did it I already knew I should slap myself on the face a good one. And now the aftermath of it is worst… this feeling of regret is a serious killer for me! And I can’t believe I did that to myself!

I'm back to having a knot in my stomach. This feeling as if I've seen is ghost is deeply hated. I hate it. I actually hate me right now!