Perfect Illusion

We often create this vision for our life... and most of the time its perfect! You imagine that if you plan it right and work for it, there is no reason why life wouldn't turn this vision into reality.

You study hard, you land the best job.
You land the best job, you make good money.
You make good money, you have a great life.
You have a great life, you meet awesome people.
Your meet awesome people, you end up with a good partner.
Your end with a good partner, you have brilliant kids.

But as you move along, you realize that the life you envisioned for yourself is probably an illusion. And illusions are the only place where this vision is perfect. But snap out of it and come to reality you realize that life isn't all pinkish!

You might be with the person you love but that doesn't mean you don't have days when you can't stand their voice! You might be progressing with you're career but that doesn't mean you're satisfied. You might even be happy with your job but that doesn't mean there isn't this one person who just kills your mood at the office. You might be good, decent person but that doesn't mean you're appreciated! You might be sexy but that might not mean you're loved! You might be a good friend, but the doesn't mean the friendship will last.

There is always a "BUT" to the happy story... and in all fairness, this is life. It can't all be cheerful and happy. It can't always be perfect... in fact we know the minute we start to grow up, that perfect doesn't exist!

It's probably not as dramatic, life isn't that bad! However... sometimes you wonder, when does it go right? Or does it ever go right? When do I just relax and enjoy the moment... When do I smile without the back of my head reminding me of some problem of some sort! And especially as we grow older, the stress of realizing that the time of turning this illusion into reality is decreasing is what frustrates you even more. Or perhaps its not too late because you can always change your life, but rather you've expected certain years of your life, your youth, to go differently.

And maybe this is why it is called an illusion.

"BUT" that doesn't mean that we stop closing our eyes a few minutes before we sleep and dive into the utopia we dream of. In fact it's the hope that this illusion may one day become a reality is what keeps us going! The fact that "BUT..." can sometimes be used in a positive light is what makes this illusion even more beautiful. 

This Is Who I Am!

So let me give you a brief background on who I am if you don't know me. I'm a normal girl; born and raised in Saudi, in fact I lived there 18 years. And then after high school, in 2004, I went back to my home country Egypt for university and soon after my career. I've worked in Egypt a total of 4 years and then I landed a job that allowed me to travel to Dubai for a few months; and that's where I reside now!

BUT that's not the point behind my post!
Here is what really pisses me off; they're actually 2 things:

1. People not understanding that I do miss home while I'm in Dubai. I get that Dubai seems to be more appealing than Egypt at the current time; or even at any possible time; however I do miss home; in fact I love home. And it really annoys me that when I say that people assume I'm not happy here or that I'm crazy to say Egypt is better. You know what! YES! Egypt is sometimes better; at least to me. It's home; it's where my family and friends are and its where I feel secure! YES, I said secure, despite all what you're seeing and reading on the news! So fact is Dubai is a great place to live; I'm not comparing and contrasting... but I do miss home, all the time. And it's even more annoying when people sarcastically say: "oh so you miss the roits," "oh so you miss the MB being in rule," "oh so you miss the terrible traffic," "oh do you miss the polution..." the list can go on forever. Fact is I miss my country with all its good and bad. Call it beauty in the eye of the beholder; but it's my home and I love it and I MISS IT! Being homesick does not make less of Dubai, it just means I love my country a lot even if I'm surrounded with lavish luxury! Also remember that I am here temproraily; so the instability surrounding that makes me miss home even more!
2. Equally annoying; is people not understanding that I do LOVE my childhood in Saudi Arabia. I'm Christain girl and in almost everyone's opinoin this could be the worst combinatoin anyone has to live with in Saudi... but it's not. I probably had a brilliant childhood compared to people who lived anywhere else in the world. People won't get it unless they've been there, but there is something about Saudi that brings people together, closer! That's not just it... I've lived there 18 years! In fact... who I am today comes back to the time I spent in Saudi and how it forumulated my personality. It's my home too... and if people don't get that... at least they can respect it. Saudi is not all about a veil. Ya, you can't party... but there is alot more you can do and tons of memories to live by... and it's not fair that others just belittle it.

Anyways... thats all I wanted to say. I was really annoyed and I had to let it out. Egypt and Saudi are part of who I am. I love them both. I miss them both. And I really don't care if people decide I'm crazy for it.