Is hope such a good thing?

I'm asking myself today if hope is good thing. Pushing yourself to remain optimistic in the midst of everything... does that really help you? I used to like think so... But the older I grow and the more I see I realize that maybe too much hope isn't always a good idea. As much as hope keeps you going, tells you that eventually there is a happy ending, that there is light in the end of the tunnel... that maybe there is a chance that things go as planned... It often becomes so scary because it means bigger disappointment and a stronger slap on the face.

I've recently decided to be more positive... to smile at life... to be more open to people and experiences.

And my take is... life is a real bitch. It stares you in the face, smiles at you, manipulates to think she is on your side... and just when you get comfortable... it smiles even bigger and points its middle finger right at you with a sense of victory. 

So I'm asking myself is hope such a good thing for us? Is it better to live with no expectations? May be then if something good happens it would make us happier.

I keep telling myself its all about time... good things are bound to happen... dreams might come true. But the truth is... I never get used to the disappointment. And every time it takes more effort on my side to have "hope" again... which only means the disappointment is bigger and stronger and harder to recover from. 

So I think I'm letting go of hope for a good while. I'm back to no expectations. I'm letting go of happy endings... I can deal with indifference, but I cannot deal with more disappointment. I want to say "who knows maybe life surprises me," but I realized that this is another shape of hope that just tricks you into waiting and into expecting anything good to come out of this thing called... life!

Perfect Illusion

We often create this vision for our life... and most of the time its perfect! You imagine that if you plan it right and work for it, there is no reason why life wouldn't turn this vision into reality.

You study hard, you land the best job.
You land the best job, you make good money.
You make good money, you have a great life.
You have a great life, you meet awesome people.
Your meet awesome people, you end up with a good partner.
Your end with a good partner, you have brilliant kids.

But as you move along, you realize that the life you envisioned for yourself is probably an illusion. And illusions are the only place where this vision is perfect. But snap out of it and come to reality you realize that life isn't all pinkish!

You might be with the person you love but that doesn't mean you don't have days when you can't stand their voice! You might be progressing with you're career but that doesn't mean you're satisfied. You might even be happy with your job but that doesn't mean there isn't this one person who just kills your mood at the office. You might be good, decent person but that doesn't mean you're appreciated! You might be sexy but that might not mean you're loved! You might be a good friend, but the doesn't mean the friendship will last.

There is always a "BUT" to the happy story... and in all fairness, this is life. It can't all be cheerful and happy. It can't always be perfect... in fact we know the minute we start to grow up, that perfect doesn't exist!

It's probably not as dramatic, life isn't that bad! However... sometimes you wonder, when does it go right? Or does it ever go right? When do I just relax and enjoy the moment... When do I smile without the back of my head reminding me of some problem of some sort! And especially as we grow older, the stress of realizing that the time of turning this illusion into reality is decreasing is what frustrates you even more. Or perhaps its not too late because you can always change your life, but rather you've expected certain years of your life, your youth, to go differently.

And maybe this is why it is called an illusion.

"BUT" that doesn't mean that we stop closing our eyes a few minutes before we sleep and dive into the utopia we dream of. In fact it's the hope that this illusion may one day become a reality is what keeps us going! The fact that "BUT..." can sometimes be used in a positive light is what makes this illusion even more beautiful. 

Question to Life...

I'm literally bored... and when I'm bored I get a lot of time thinking which is something I officially hate 'cause I end up depressed...

So during my thinking process today, I ended up pissed at life (as usual, it comes along with being depressed)... I asked my myself a lot of stuff and then I realized they all revolve around one thing and pretty much one thing only!

Can we go on with life and never get what we want!?

Why is it that we're always unsatisfied? Is it a human greed? We never get enough? Once you get something you start searching for the next? OR is life really unfair to the extent that you can go on for ever and ever and ever and just never get what you want? Is it possible that we just end up praying for something and never getting it? Will we spend our lives just imagining how our life would turn out IF we ever get what we want? 

To me that's just a load of depressing crap!

Sometimes, perhaps to appease my anger, I tell myself that main problem is that we want the wrong stuff!

This issue has been nagging me for a while... I've always been questioning life, blaming life for being annoying and unfair! Sometimes even mean and harsh! 

I've just always felt it was easier blaming it on life... like it is never my fault things don't turn out well! 

UNTIL...

A few days ago a friend asked if I could help put some of his thoughts in writing... ACTUALLY he brought something to light under MY eye... maybe it's not that life is mean or that we wish for the wrong stuff! Maybe we actually don't know what we want! Maybe we lack an understanding of what it is that makes us happy and satisfied. 

Maybe we're not patient enough to wait for the right thing to happen! 

Hence we end going through all the wrong paths hoping to find what we want... or hoping to find the answers we keep looking for. We keep searching for whatever we hope gives us the satisfactory feeling of that missing element in our life!

Perhaps... we feel life that life does't give us what we want  because we ourselves don't know what we want.

We keep hoping that we get something or the other... but do we know if we actually want it? Are we sure that it will give us the feeling of completion... the satisfaction and happiness that we're looking for? Or is it just another wrong path we're taking!? Another puddle of confusion we're throwing ourselves in?

I guess this "WHAT IF" element to life is what drives us mad! Makes us feel helpless... unsatisfied and full of questions... Questions that can't be answered... because "what if" could simply happen, or not... and if it happens can just have a million different answers and outcomes! 

We keep hoping that others would understand us better, give us a chance... or simply hear us out! But do we even understand ourselves, do we hear them out... Do we even understand them!? Do we give life and people what we expect in return or are we just a demanding bunch of whiners?!

So I'm asking life or maybe me... What is it that I want from life? And will I go on forever without knowing what it is or never getting it?

I don't have the answer... I hope someone does!

BUT that doesn't change the fact that sometimes I wish life would give me a break and give me what I want... even if it would give me temporary satisfaction! 

I know, some people would say: this temporary satisfaction may later result in more troubles! 

I'd say: life is full of troubles anyways... some temporary satisfaction wouldn't hurt! It would give me closure knowing the outcomes of what I want, the answers to my "what ifs", that satisfaction that my prayers are answered and that it's possible to get what you want.

Today I'm depressed and hoping for temporary satisfaction.... HOWEVER, believe it or not... DEEP DOWN I do believe in Happy Endings, that Things Do Get Better... and that Satisfaction & Happiness are down the road to all of us! 

I Believe in Miracles...

Some where along the line... and despite things being dull sometimes, or even most of the times, I still deep down believe in miracles... I believe in happy endings... I believe that things get better... I believe good things happen to those who wait AND I believe the best is yet to come... 


I don't have a good reason for this sprout of positive thoughts and beliefs that I've been overwhelming myself with... However, I found out that believing that good things will happen makes you have a good perspective to life...


Believing in miracles gives you a reason to keep going... it makes you believe that if you work hard good things will happen and if you pray, your prayers are answered.


Many people think it's naive or stupid... sometimes I think it is... but if we don't see light at the end of the tunnel, why the hell are we still walking through the tunnel? Why don't we stop and quit and wait for life to end  and time to pass!


Miracles do happen.... I choose to believe that:
My family will always be with me...
I'll be happy...
The ones I love will be healthy and happy...
I'll be successful in my career...
I'll one day be famous...
Men like McSteamy and McDreamy do exist...
A pinkish, cheerful, happy love story exists...
My kids will believe I'm the best mom...
Every problem has a solution...
For every fight there is a make-up...
For every tear hours for laughter wait ahead of us... 
For every friend lost another one is gained... 
That people who hurt me will one day say sorry...
If something is meant to happen it will...
Fairy tales can come true...
Happy endings are possible endings... 
That everything happens to me for a good reason... 
That the best is yet come...
That a guarding angel with me... 


I simply believe there is light at the end of the tunnel and that's why I chose to walk through the tunnel!


Miracles do happen! Keep saying it to yourself and you'll believe it!

Busy Making Me Happy!

So... a few posts ago I took the decision that I'd be optimistic and that I won't let anything get to me and so far I'm impressing myself!

A few hinges here and there... but given I've been in horrible bad mood for a very a long time I have to say I'm doing pretty well! 

So let me tell you my theory... well it's not a theory as much as it is a realization! And pretty much a realization that I was being stupid! So anyhow... I've come in terms with the fact that no one gets everything they want... each one has a set of things that determine their level of happiness and satisfaction with life! For instance there is family, friends, relationships, school, work, your home, your car, your hobbies, your leisure time, the amount of stress you have, the amount of problems you have... bla bla bla! So I simply decided that if at any given point in time  I have four things in my life that are going well... I'm gonna be a happy person! In other words I've decided I'll be looking at the full half of the cup and completely ignoring the half empty!

I've realized that people with much bigger problems... and those who have gone through much more dramatic experiences manage be happy and cheerful.. hence.. why can't I be!? I realized I'm really making little things seem bigger than they are. I'm giving unworthy things and people more attention than they need or ever will need! 


Additionally I discovered some very simple techniques on how to be happier! I'm serious, not being philosophical... but seriously try them... convince yourself with them!

• We're often tempted to complain... every time you start complaining STOP yourself...
• Every time you come to post a negative status... find something positive to write or write something that doesn't make sense...
• If a sad song starts playing... don't hear it! Listen to happy gilly stupid childhood song...
• We pretty much know the people who pisses us off.. IGNORE THEM!
• If a friend calls you to say let's go out and you're lazy... get up, dress up and go!
• Dress up everyday like you're going to a party! Look your best... for you...
• Whatever makes you happy do it! If its not going to work... don't! If it's eating ice cream... eat it! If it's shopping... shop! If it's being a nerd... so be it! Who cares about money, dieting or whatever.... do what makes you happy on the spot!
• When you're inner voice discourages you.... tell him to go screw himself! Don't let the inner negative thoughts bug you...
• Don't set limitations to yourself... be freakin confident at all times!
• Tell yourself... someone, somewhere is sitting beating himself/herself cause they let you go!
• Tell yourself... you're someone's dream!
• No matter how you look or feel... walk around like your the hottest best thing in town!
• Don't force yourself to be nice to someone you don't wanna be nice too! No one does the same anyways... 
• Make a fool outta yourself and laugh about it! Don't give others a chance to hold it against you...
• The past is the past... we really can't do anything about it!
• If you said sorry once.. twice.. and even three times! If other person doesn't wanna let go... really! Screw him or her! You've done all there is to do!
• Don't beat yourself up for things you can't control or change! Whatever... make the best of what you can change and what you got!
• It's never the end of the world till you die... so as long as you're alive.. there is tomorrow and there is time for things to get better!
• Always believe that the best is yet to come!
• Never tell yourself that your dream are too big to come true!
• If things are meant to happen... they will happen. Stop thinking about it! 
• Creating scenarios in your head just gives you a headache... wait and see what will happen! Take it as it comes... 
• Push yourself forward... never backward!
• Brag about how good you are... never about how bad you are! Every one is messed up, don't be stupid to highlight it to people!
• Finally... in arabic: SEBEHA 3ALA ALLAH! Leave it to God... He'll do what's best for you... seriously why are we worrying about it! He has a definite bigger vision for you...

I gotta tell you after my decision to just let go... keep smiling... and to be positive... which I took on July 17th... no very long ago.. things have started to get better! Believe me they did on every level; work, personal, family, friends, stress... just everything! TRUST me when you're bummed out and in bad mood... even if things are good you see them bad! So taking it positively... makes you see things positive... makes positive things happen to you!

Currently I'm busy making me happy.... you should do the same... it's worth it!

:D

The BIGGEST Miracle Of All Times...

So... previously I've posted an entry called April (http://bit.ly/fDCffK) and I've spoken in it about how the month of April 2011 would be my biggest challenge in life so far when it comes to waiting…

And although “the wait” wasn't easy and was more than hectic… I have to say that gladly April 2011 is over… and that the end of the wait was positive…

But the real miracle isn't in the positive ending… Of course the positive ending is a relief and rewarding… and I’m very thankful for it…

BUT...

The actual miracle comes in the power of prayers being answered! Throughout April, me and others have been praying for a positive ending for “the wait” and the fact that despite all odds and despite the difficulty of a positive ending actually happening that things still did go well just means that prayers have been answered!

And the biggest miracle of all… and the most rewarding and fulfilling feeling comes when you feel that Someone is listening… Someone greater than everything, bigger than all these odds has actually listened to your prayers and answered them positively…

I believe the BIGGEST miracle of all times is when you pray for something, and regardless of the outcome, positive or negative, you feel that God has been listening!

I seriously have to say… "Thank You Lord!"

April...

I absolutely HATE waiting... as in hate that comes from the bottom of the heart! Deeply rooted hate! Waiting is like KILLING me softly and slooOOoowly!

Waiting means I create all possible scenarios in my mind and I keep saying "what if" "what if" "what if" till I go crazy! It means all the negative things come to mind... it means I worry... It means I expect the worst... It means I'm frustrated till I know answers and outcomes to what I'm waiting for! It means uncertainty...

It simply means I'm waiting for something UNKNOWN... and I hate that!

True it is sometimes exciting... depending really on what it is we are waiting for, but mostly it's just annoying! This urge and the mental "push and pull" we go through while waiting is absolutely a hectic KILLER...

It's even a bigger problem when you get bummed out and disappointed after the wait... when the worst actually happens... when what you fearED becomes an absolute reality that you have no choice but to deal with...

BUT I got to say it is quite amazing when the wait ends with rewards, happiness, cheerfulness and optimism!

April 2011 is by far my biggest challenge ever when it comes to waiting. I helplessly have to wait until April ends in order to feel better! All I CAN DO is WAIT!

April needs to go by...I'm edgy, moody, tensed, pissed, tired and on the verge of exploding... I'm making up the simplest excuses to loose it... the simplest excuses to snap...

I need April to come to a peaceful end... I'm hoping this wait like all other "amazing" waits ends with rewards, happiness, cheerfulness and optimism!

-Sigh!