Something Changed...

So when I herd I was coming to Dubai for a few months, I thought this is a great opportunity to make use of this time alone... I'm usually a person of strong will, and if I set my mind to something I'd do it...

I realized I'd be having a lot of time on hand, a lot of me time, a lot of alone time... and I figured this a chance for me to do a lot... but ever since I came here, I honestly don't know where the time does... I put it in my head that I want to achieve some stuff during my stay here and honestly I'm very disappointed at myself... because I've achieved none of them....

So that was my initial plan:

• I've always dreamed of learning multiple languages, so I thought this was an opportunity to brush on my French while I'm here, take a class after work or during the weekend! Obviously haven't done it.... haven't even looked into where I can take these classes.
• Be more outgoing, do activities on my own, don't be timid to learn to enjoy activities alone, even be open to meeting new people. Let's see... I'm very reluctant to do things on my own! For example there is a concert tonight that I really wanted to go and since I didn't find company I passed, I don't know why it is hard for me to do any activity on my own (except shopping to be honest, which I wish I can actually learn to control, anyway, not the point...) So, I'm not pissed at my friends for being un-supportive of an activity that I wanted to do as much as I am pissed at myself for being reluctant to go on my own, despite really wanting to go (donno if that makes any sense). The only time I go out and have fun, is when I've got company (usually people visiting), and that shouldn't be the case because my circle of people is so tiny, so I should really learn to go out  and have fun.  I also haven't made 1 new friend since I came here, work people are nice colleagues, others are random acquaintances, but a new friend, I haven't given myself a chance to meet new people... which is kind of weird, the beauty of travelling around is meeting people. 
• Make use of my free time (and the fact that the gym is right in my building) and exercise more regularly! I want to get fit and in shape! Guess what, as embarrassing as it is to say, I haven't been even ONCE to the gym. It's right in my building and I tend to find excuses for not going. Like time!! It's a 24/7 gym in my building and I'm saying I don't have time to go. And I guess this is one of the major things that piss me off at myself... like major disappointment!! 
• Develop my talent, my big dream! To read more and write more. And this is also something I'm just so pissed at myself for. Ever since I came here in Nov. 2012, I wrote no more than 5 posts, I wanted to start writing a new story and I just wrote 1 page of it... I'm just uninspired! I bought 3 new novels that are all lying on my table... And I do have time, I just don't have the will to pick up the book and read it

So I don't know what has happened to me, I've lost interest in a lot of things that I was once passionate about, I lost the will to get up and do something I want or something I care about... I'm just living from day to day with no set purpose or plan... I'm not enjoying the things I like to do... I've become so restless, it's annoying! I'm never excited about anything... and it's just not me!

I'm also so restless... before I used to wake up early, get up from the first buzz of the alarm, now... I can almost snooze for an hour, getting out of bed is like torture for me. I'm unmotivated to get up, I literally push myself out forcefully.

So I've got 3 months left here... with a lot of time on my own... I want to try and use them to see more places in the city. Depend on myself more to have fun, rather than wait for someone to join me, read more... write more, be more optimistic about life... have more fun! Be more optimistic and find motivation again.. Be out there and enjoy it... Find the stuff that excite me and I do them... 

So hopefully I can get over myself... and just live, who cares how or with who... just do the stuff that make me happy, so I can regain the will and excitement about life!

Look What You Made Me Do!?

We often go through terrible experiences in our lives that put it in difficult, stressful and hectic emotional situations... situations that create heavy emotional burdens on us... and we try our best to find a way out of them. As a result, we turn to the nearest exit... the soonest way out in order to feel OKAY. Or perhaps tell ourselves that we're okay... even if it is just an illusion. And usually it is.

Anything to make you feel good again. Even if its temporary. And usually we do know that is bound to end. We think the distraction will do us good. But when this distraction is gone... we AGAIN get hurt. We think we won't but we do... so instead of feeling better, healing and moving on. We create more emotional scares for ourselves.

We don't find "new" reasons to feel happy! But we rather find "new" reasons to be hurt!

Most of the time... we often wake up from the exit when we find ourselves at another dead end.
This quick fix actually brings more trouble.
Because you fool yourself, you go through deep denial and therefore you take the very wrong decisions and you fall into bigger traps.
In stead of working on forgetting things that you want out of your system and moving on... you actually create more things to regret... you create more burdens and more mistakes...
You look around and you realize that the whole world has moved on and you're still right where you were... maybe even moving backwards.

When does a person learn... when do we actually move on. When do we actually stop fooling ourselves. When do we really move on free of denial... like get cured of this emotional shit we put ourselves through.

I do blame myself for moving from one trap to another. From one stupid mistake to an even bigger mistake. From one thing to regret to another crappy thing to regret!
But I also blame you.
I'm not mad at myself or others as much as I'm mad at you.
Seriously... in order to move on I took the wrong routes.
Really!
Look what you made me do!?

Reasons We Girls Smile...

There are so many reasons why we girls smile... Sometimes they're honest smiles and sometimes they're not... most probably every smile we've got has it's own meaning... a meaning we only know deep down because it reveals our true intentions...

We might smile because we really like someone or what's going on, or we might smile because we want to pretend like we like what's going on.

There is a smile that carries a lot of innocence with every thing this word could mean... and there is a smile that could carry seduction and an evil plan....

We might smile because we honestly carry good feelings for the moment or we could smile to hide loads of hatred and disappointment...

We might smile because we've just seen you, herd your voice or have you near...

We might smile because we're really out of words, nothing in the world would say how we feel or we could just have nothing to say and we're trying to avoid conversation. We might smile because we're completely indulged in whatever it is you're saying or we're just trying to seem interested...

Our smile could really mean we're truly happy and dancing deep inside or we could be smiling in order to hide utter and complete sadness and heart break...

We might smile because you're funny, or because we want you to think you're funny. Because we get what you mean or because we actually want to get you!

There is a smile that shows excitement, support and pleasure and there is one that hides anxiety, panic and fear...

We might smile because we love you or we might smile to make you think we love you. We might also smile in hopes that you would love us back. We might smile because we have you in our life, we might smile just thinking about you and we might smile because you just walked away.

We might smile as a replacement to saying we love you, we miss you, to thank you or to let you know we're happy you're there...

Sometimes we smile because you've taken us by great surprise...  or to hide the fact that we were expecting more..

We could smile at an inside joke we share or at the fact that we share nothing...

Sometimes we smile because we know it makes us look good...

Our smile could be naive and could mean that we fell for your game or it could mean that we're smiling because we know exactly what's going on and that we're being played.

We might smile because we've gone shopping and even more we smile because you're the one who paid...

We might smile because we know it makes you feel good and secure that things are okay...

Girls smile for so many different reasons... some are good and honest, coming deep from the heart and some are deceiving. Most of the time they're true smiles... Point is a girl's smile is always a charm... it's your call to know what that smile carries deep down because most probably... we'd never tell :)

2011... Is It REALLY a BAD Year?!

SO... whenever we refer to a bad year... we often refer to it in terms of stuff that happen to us on a personal level. However, 2011 is a bad year on a global level... I don't think anyone can argue with that!

Truly on a global level I think this by far is the year of natural disasters, famines, wars, deaths, disease, revolutions... So globally, I got to admit it IS a bad year and I'm really hoping the last day passes by smoothly, free of more catastrophes or more dramatic surprises!

HOWEVER...
Moving to a more personal level; which given our selfish human nature is usually the main way we judge things.... I STILL cannot make up my mind regarding whether it was a good or bad year...

Emotionally speaking... I've lost some very precious people that I hoped I'd be able to have for keeps! I was disappointed and hurt for a very long time and that made most of 2011 win the award for being the worst emotional year ever. I've also realized some friends, well are not really people you can count on...

On the ambitious and practical side of life... well, I GOT my masters degree and that was the highlight of the year. True, it came towards the last two weeks of the year... but it sort of changed 2011 around from being the worst year to being the best year ever... and ever since this achievement, all of a sudden I can't claim that 2011 is a bad year anymore! It kind of made me realize a lot of good things that I let the "emotional" stuff cover up and hide!

Even more... 2011 was the  best in my career history; I made new friends whom all have become so important and precious to me and towards the very end of it I've realized that some old friends are still gold and that there are people who can still see me from a unique and special perspective even if others did not! I've seen some of my friends in their happiest moments as well! And all that together made 2011, an OKAY year after all!

So UNLIKE any other year... where the personal stuff were worst than the global stuff... 2011 has been terrible on the global level (see my next post)... But on a personal level, although it started like the worst year ever; by the last quarter it smiled at me... and it smiled at me BIG! 

So my last words would be: Good Bye 2011, with your good, your bad and definitively your unexpected! Some days were terrible but all in all, it did pass and I learned a lot from every single experience and every single person! 2012... I'm hoping for the best, this year I'm trying optimism... Even more, globally I, like Miss Congeniality, do hope for World Peace!

The OPTIMISM of December...

I don't know why but December to me has always been a happy season. Last year I had a post titled December and for some unlikely reason it was depressing. Well, true it's a month of self evaluation, you question yourself with what you've achieved and done in the year... bla bla bla! BUT, generally speaking it's a very happy month for me.

Maybe it's all the holiday and gifts that come with it. That disbelief that a year has gone by. The looking forward to a new year carrying new things! Being hopeful. Looking back to the good things. Making resolutions and hoping things would get better. Being around family and friends. Lots of partying and good food... :)

I don't know... but to me the Christmas decorations and the coziness of Christmas makes it for me and really lifts my mood and spirit. And seriously, the hope that next year will be better excites me and gives me something to look forward to.

May be it's an illusion, but December is a happy season for me... full of optimism. I like December... it just cheers me up inside! And that's a brilliant change!

The Bright Side...

We often get gloomy and depressed, we often decide that the world is such a dark and twisted place! Okie, let me rephrase! I often think the work is dark and twisted! I loose sight of all the good stuff that could have happened in my life... and the good stuff that continue to happen every single day.

Anyhow... sometimes I get those moments when I start cursing my entire life from the moment it started... I don't see except all the bad stuff! It seriously drains me!

But then a little thing happens and it reminds me with all the great stuff in my life.

SO what's the little thing that happened!? Well my brother posted the below picture to my Facebook wall... and it really got me to remember my life as a little kid! I used to do this! My childhood was awesome! My childhood is just one of the pretty amazing things in my life!

Let me just list a few of the things that we stop noticing after a while because they have become inevitable:

My great family...
That my mom still hugs me every morning when I wake up...
My good health...
My amazing childhood memories...
The fact that I have all my needs...
The fact that I can get most of my wants...
My education...
My friends...
That most nights I get a good night's sleep...
That in the end of the day, there are no massive problems to worry me or keep me up all night...
Actually, the fact that I've got a cozy bed at home waiting for me every night... 
That I can still smile...
That regardless of what I say and how much I whine, I do have people who care about me...
That I've got a brother who'd remember me when he sees a picture like this.. would send it to me 'cause he know it would make my day...

Point is those things have become part of our routines so we don't realize their importance. We don't realize that those little things are what keep us going. That if they're gone we'd realize the impact they have on our lives.

If every time we get gloomy, enter into the dark and twisted depressed mood... IF we take the moment to remember at least 1 of those little things that make us happy, or at least make us smile... trust me, things would be bright again!

You've Changed...

I've previously written a post titled The Beautiful You and Me... and I guess this is quite related to it... 


Sometimes I look at someone and I feel he or she has changed... more like softened up, lost their edge with time... and that's really not something bad, it's more like they've just loosened up with time and have let their softer side shine...


Whatever happened could really be meeting someone, getting married, having a child, going through a rough experience, loosing someone, becoming better friends or simply just growing up... 


And surprisingly this change just brings this person under a new light... makes me look at this person differently... with some sort of admiration...


I've lately been seeing a lot of changed people... people who no longer care that it's corny to play games on Facebook despite claiming that it's kiddish for years... others who have risen above tension in the past and make sure you know you're still dear to them.... others who don't mind crying in front of you... others who admit they love hanging around kids...


I've lately been seeing a lot of changed people... changed to the better... people who allow you to see their other side... who share the better version of them... who really show the beautiful them... I've lately been smiling a lot! Thanks to the people who have changed... 

Busy Making Me Happy!

So... a few posts ago I took the decision that I'd be optimistic and that I won't let anything get to me and so far I'm impressing myself!

A few hinges here and there... but given I've been in horrible bad mood for a very a long time I have to say I'm doing pretty well! 

So let me tell you my theory... well it's not a theory as much as it is a realization! And pretty much a realization that I was being stupid! So anyhow... I've come in terms with the fact that no one gets everything they want... each one has a set of things that determine their level of happiness and satisfaction with life! For instance there is family, friends, relationships, school, work, your home, your car, your hobbies, your leisure time, the amount of stress you have, the amount of problems you have... bla bla bla! So I simply decided that if at any given point in time  I have four things in my life that are going well... I'm gonna be a happy person! In other words I've decided I'll be looking at the full half of the cup and completely ignoring the half empty!

I've realized that people with much bigger problems... and those who have gone through much more dramatic experiences manage be happy and cheerful.. hence.. why can't I be!? I realized I'm really making little things seem bigger than they are. I'm giving unworthy things and people more attention than they need or ever will need! 


Additionally I discovered some very simple techniques on how to be happier! I'm serious, not being philosophical... but seriously try them... convince yourself with them!

• We're often tempted to complain... every time you start complaining STOP yourself...
• Every time you come to post a negative status... find something positive to write or write something that doesn't make sense...
• If a sad song starts playing... don't hear it! Listen to happy gilly stupid childhood song...
• We pretty much know the people who pisses us off.. IGNORE THEM!
• If a friend calls you to say let's go out and you're lazy... get up, dress up and go!
• Dress up everyday like you're going to a party! Look your best... for you...
• Whatever makes you happy do it! If its not going to work... don't! If it's eating ice cream... eat it! If it's shopping... shop! If it's being a nerd... so be it! Who cares about money, dieting or whatever.... do what makes you happy on the spot!
• When you're inner voice discourages you.... tell him to go screw himself! Don't let the inner negative thoughts bug you...
• Don't set limitations to yourself... be freakin confident at all times!
• Tell yourself... someone, somewhere is sitting beating himself/herself cause they let you go!
• Tell yourself... you're someone's dream!
• No matter how you look or feel... walk around like your the hottest best thing in town!
• Don't force yourself to be nice to someone you don't wanna be nice too! No one does the same anyways... 
• Make a fool outta yourself and laugh about it! Don't give others a chance to hold it against you...
• The past is the past... we really can't do anything about it!
• If you said sorry once.. twice.. and even three times! If other person doesn't wanna let go... really! Screw him or her! You've done all there is to do!
• Don't beat yourself up for things you can't control or change! Whatever... make the best of what you can change and what you got!
• It's never the end of the world till you die... so as long as you're alive.. there is tomorrow and there is time for things to get better!
• Always believe that the best is yet to come!
• Never tell yourself that your dream are too big to come true!
• If things are meant to happen... they will happen. Stop thinking about it! 
• Creating scenarios in your head just gives you a headache... wait and see what will happen! Take it as it comes... 
• Push yourself forward... never backward!
• Brag about how good you are... never about how bad you are! Every one is messed up, don't be stupid to highlight it to people!
• Finally... in arabic: SEBEHA 3ALA ALLAH! Leave it to God... He'll do what's best for you... seriously why are we worrying about it! He has a definite bigger vision for you...

I gotta tell you after my decision to just let go... keep smiling... and to be positive... which I took on July 17th... no very long ago.. things have started to get better! Believe me they did on every level; work, personal, family, friends, stress... just everything! TRUST me when you're bummed out and in bad mood... even if things are good you see them bad! So taking it positively... makes you see things positive... makes positive things happen to you!

Currently I'm busy making me happy.... you should do the same... it's worth it!

:D

The Perfect Life of Others...

We often get this feeling that others run these amazing perfect lives... We often look at them and wonder why can't we lead these smooth, happy and interesting lives?

And we grumble with frustration about why we are not like them... we consider ourselves unfortunate, unlucky and sometimes even cursed because we see our lives as nothing BUT a step from one mud puddle to an even bigger mud puddle!

Even more, we sometimes feel others look at us with this "eye!" And most probably we feel annoyed and you wanna SCREAM at them: if only you know it's not as perfect as it looks...

AND THAT'S THE GLITCH; right there!!

Those people we look at with amusement and sometimes envy... they too wanna scream at us: if only you know it's not as perfect as it looks...

Those people we look up to and claim they have perfect lives.... simply DON'T! Everyone lives in their own roller coaster of events, issues, problems, stress, crap, failures & frustrations... We only think their lives are running smooth... But we all have our bumps... some days are good and happy others are bad, difficult and gloomy!

We all have our ups and downs, however, we are all good at playing pretend... we all like to keep the bad side undercover and we like to show up with big smiles... we like to talk about the things that make us happy... we like to brag about success... we don't want to look bad, we don't want to seem weak, we don't want to get exposed... OR perhaps we just wanna forget about whatever problems we have for just a little while!

And that is REALLY okay! We are entitled to escaping from whatever it is that makes us unhappy!

What matters is that we grasp the fact that whatever we're going through is happening with everyone! We have to realize that these lucky people... are just people with their own good days and bad days!

The perfect lives of others is really an illusion that we immerse ourselves with... little do you know these others might even have more problems than us... they might be considering us lucky!

Let's take it easy... I'm no expert... I'm talking to myself more than talking to anyone... I keep telling myself everyone has problems, there is no such thing as perfect lives, there is no life that runs completely smooth... I keep telling myself these bumps are what give our lives meaning!

So instead of looking at the lives of others with that "eye" I should rather learn to accept mine, smile about it, focus on the bright side and find ways in working around my bad days and my problems.

- sigh!

The BIGGEST Miracle Of All Times...

So... previously I've posted an entry called April (http://bit.ly/fDCffK) and I've spoken in it about how the month of April 2011 would be my biggest challenge in life so far when it comes to waiting…

And although “the wait” wasn't easy and was more than hectic… I have to say that gladly April 2011 is over… and that the end of the wait was positive…

But the real miracle isn't in the positive ending… Of course the positive ending is a relief and rewarding… and I’m very thankful for it…

BUT...

The actual miracle comes in the power of prayers being answered! Throughout April, me and others have been praying for a positive ending for “the wait” and the fact that despite all odds and despite the difficulty of a positive ending actually happening that things still did go well just means that prayers have been answered!

And the biggest miracle of all… and the most rewarding and fulfilling feeling comes when you feel that Someone is listening… Someone greater than everything, bigger than all these odds has actually listened to your prayers and answered them positively…

I believe the BIGGEST miracle of all times is when you pray for something, and regardless of the outcome, positive or negative, you feel that God has been listening!

I seriously have to say… "Thank You Lord!"

Music To My Ears...

So I love listening to music... again, let me make it clear... I love LISTENING not HEARING music...

Hearing means it's a background beat... don't get me wrong beats are crucial... but to me words count... wordless musicals don't leave the same print on my soul! I relate more to lyrics... I feel better using literal words to explain how I feel! That's why to me lyrics makes or breaks a song! Therefore I'm keen to listen to what a song really has to say!

Listening to lyrics and going away with your mind and emotions elsewhere... listening and saying: how come this song says exactly how I feel... is an AWESOME feeling!

Sometimes I feel we listen to lyrics only when we want to... sometimes I hear a song for years and years to go and then one day on my drive back home, I actually listen to it for the first time ever! I realize I never really listened to the words! Never knew it meant that way... and I just get overwhelmed... 'cause I realize the lyrics are great! They make the song... they change the way you hear it!

Music just takes you elsewhere... lyrics tells you you're not the only feeling a certain way... it tells you, it's okay to feel this way... it's with you when you're upset, cheers you up when you're down... it's with you in every occasion... from your birthday, to your break up, to your graduation... all the way to your first dance...

We create memories around songs... sometimes we hear a song and it takes us back somewhere we left a long time ago... brings back images, feelings and scents... reminds of things... and even if they're memories you prefer to forget... deep down this time shift and drift back in time... this nostalgic moment... makes you smile... even if it's not on the outside... you smile on the inside...

There are some verses that really make me feel different inside... some verses that I can hear over and over and over again... non-stop... enjoying them every single time as if I'm hearing them for the very first time!

Music could be be the only language spoken... it's amazing...

What counts is to listen... listen to the words and allow them take you elsewhere...

“Without music, life would be a mistake..." Friedrich Nietzsche - This quote is TRUE!

Photos...

There are two types of photos...

There are photos we paint as illusions in our minds... they represent our dreams of how we hope something would turn out to be...

These photos are the usually beautiful, lavish and imaginative ... they takes us with our thoughts and feelings elsewhere... they lift us up when we're down... they convince us deep down that there is light at the end of the tunnel... they tell us that despite of anything things will get better and will one day turn out the way we wanted...

True... sometimes we're disappointed when these photos are never reached and framed into reality... but we cannot live without them. These unrealistic photos are sometimes what gives us the strength to move on... they give us reasons and excuses because we hope we reach these imaginary lives at the end...

The other type of photos are actual pictures we have in albums... they represent our special moments and valued memories. They help us remember good times when we're nostalgic...

These pictures also help us move on when we're down because when we look back at them we know that family warmth always gives us a feeling of security, that loyal friends exist, that every Christmas you smile helplessly, that birthdays are a time of love, that you've achieved a lot, learned a lot... simply you see proof that good things do happen!

As much as these pictures show you how much time has passed... they remind you that there were a lot of good times...

We can't live without both types of photos... some of them are dreams which we hope they turn into a reality.... and others are reflections of the best times in our lives... both are essential for us...

Photos are very special... I love taking photos and creating photos of what my future can be!

Complexity of Human Emotions...

Sometimes I really wish all people were equal to me... No one was more special than the other, no one was differentiated... No one was more loved or more hated....

And why is that... it's because of the complexity of human emotions... or perhaps it is just my complexity... I really dunno!

But some stuff do make me wonder...

Sometimes we argue with someone and we're completely okay with it; we speak after weeks or months (or we never do) and the whole thing doesn't even bother us... but come to argue the same exact argument with someone else and it's all you can think about and not speaking to them for several hours seems like the worst thing that has ever happened to you...

With other people, things just don't work out well for any random reason... and you really don't care or give 2 hoots; but on the other hand... things don't work out with someone else and you stay for days and nights, months and even years saying what if they had worked out... what if I did things differently, what if I was more patient... what if what if what if...

Sometimes we end things at a bad note with others and we really don't give a crap about how bad we might look to them and what they might think of us... but on the other hand, with someone else you really work hard on proving that you're a good person, you still care what they think although it won't ever work out and deep down you want to go back and change the way things ended...

How come sometimes you feel you were rude to someone (intentionally or unintentionally) and you are okay with it; while others... you beat yourself up for it every time you remember!

How come you give up on some people and it doesn't even cross your mind that you did, but others, you keep wishing everyday you were more patient, you keep telling yourself you didn't give them enough space or time... you keep asking yourself how on Earth did I give up on such a valuable person?

How come it's so easy to tell some people it's over, but others, you're not able to speak the words 'cause you're too scared of losing them?

How come we sometimes don't speak to people for years and then you remember it's their birthday and you quickly pick up the phone and wish them; while others.... no matter how much you want to make the call, you just can't get yourself to do it 'cause "hypothetically," you've moved on...

Actually, how come we sometimes forget the birthdays of our direct family members, but others, whom no longer exist in our lives we still remember their birthday every single year...

Why is it that some people just don't leave any sort of print in your life, but others, when you meet someone with their same name... you get lost for a few minutes in your own world of thoughts and you either frown or smile...

And how come, it easy to tell some people how much you love them, miss them and how life would be hell without them but others... you can't say it 'cause you're trying really hard to hide the fact that you do love them, miss them and that life without them is living hell 'cause you're the only one who knows that to that particular person these words mean differently?

How come some people that were once very close to you, now don't matter anymore and it doesn't bother you, but others, that you might have never really seen before matter so much and you keep wishing you really got to know them better?

How is it that there are people so close to us and we speak to them everyday then all of a sudden we get distant and you accept moving on; but others, letting go seems to be the hardest thing ever?

How come we sometimes see the rationale behind something not working out and the need to end things, but with others... grasping that parting ways is the right thing to do is just beyond your imagination and capabilities?

How come some people walk in and out of our lives and we never look back, but others, you might know the for an hour, a day or a year and they are able to cross your mind every single day as you open your eyes and before you go to sleep.

This list can go on forever really...

Sometimes I wish all people were equal to me... I love caring about people and I love having special people in my life that matter to me... but it has its downfalls too! Sometimes I wish that with all people once things are over and done I don't look back, I don't think twice and I don't say what if... But the point is... they're all people who walked out of our lives... people who took their chances one way or the other and left... things have ended because of you or them... the point is it ended and it's over! So in fact they are equal... but it's the complexity of our emotions that makes it harder from one person to the other...

And I wonder if some people who really do/did matter to me, but things did not work out with them for any reason... am I someone they look back to and remember or was it an easy case to them that they never flash back to... do they ever ask what if?

The only thing I'm sure of is that I really DO NOT want to know the answer to this last question!

I'm BLESSED...

So lately, I might have been a little dramatic about how much people suck and aren’t worth it… and true there are times when I’m at the EDGE of the world… times when I feel like I could possibly hate everyone…

Some readers might have thought… Who does she think she is? Miss Perfect!? Miss Victim!?

NOPES I DON'T THINK SO…

This is a good opportunity to admit that pointing fingers "sometimes" does not mean that I’m perfect or better than the world. I’m fully aware that I have my HUGE faults… that sometimes I’m the bad friend and sometimes I fail the people who count on me… I try my best not to… but I’m sure it happens! I try that these times would be unintentional but sometimes things slip… and I DO apologize to anyone I upset in anyway!

When I write such depressed and angry posts… I’m usually down… hurt… upset and yes ANGRY and HATEFUL!


BUT AGAIN… that doesn’t change the fact that I’m blessed with friends who lighten up my days… who despite everything can still make me smile… who have my back regardless how often we see each other, talk or express our love to each other…

Maybe we sometimes drift apart, have our differences, our arguments, our disappointments… maybe at times they’re sucky friends and other times I’m the stinky friend… but I’m blessed and thankful to have them in my life…

Lanoull… who honestly proved that distance, time and space do not change real friendship… that despite anything I can still have someone who understands me just by looking at each other… a person with whom I share LISTS and LISTS of memories… a person I can talk to for hours none stop about ANYTHING shamelessly… and even if we’re repeating the same stories over and over and over again we would NEVER get bored…. A person I really don’t worry about being judged with :) - Babe... I'd kill to have you live with me in the same country!

Yarooor… a true example of a GREAT childhood friend… an amazing listener… the right person to talk to when I'm down because I'm sure she’s got my back! Lots of memories together and the best person to share a girl’s night in with :) Coziness, girl talk, food, movies, tears, gossip and lots of laughter :)

Sandoor… who would help in whichever way she can whenever she can… giving her maximum without thinking twice… she even prays for me without asking… I can take her mature opinion in whatever comes to mind, knowing she’ll be honest without painting the truth :)

SharShory… has the KINDEST heart EVER… who at the time of need will be the first person there… ALSO one of the people I LAUGH with the most… knows how to have fun and makes me feel special :) Best person for girl talk! Can't live without her and can't help but love her! :)

Salsa… maybe we don’t hang out much! BUT…. We have tons and tons in common, mentally and personally… and we know we LOVE each other tremendously and we both know it… and if I ever wanna talk and blab my heart out… she’s the right person to call… she listens, advices, cares and cheers you up amazingly and she is FUN!! :) - I was gonna postpone this post till later but I just came back from dinner with Salsa and I thought THIS CAN'T WAIT... I have awesome people in my life that I gotta be thankful for :)

I hope you aren’t bored yet ‘cause the my list of special people is LONG :) I woke up today deciding I’ll focus on the bright side…

There is also MONDY the GREAT… who is the most amazing sis, friend and buddy! Kindest, sweetest, most loving... And trust me I’d do MIRACLES to see her the happiest person ever :)

And MONMON the GREAT :) My KICK ASS little brother whom I can fool around as much as I want… be stupid and idiotic… and be the loser I avoid being around other people! :

LOVE YOU BOTH ENDLESSLY :)

Umm… moving on to the people I see less often but they just charm my life in various ways…

VANTYYY… Love spending time with you… adorable and sweet are the best words to describe you babe… and I mean it!

MARIOUMA… childhood friend and buddy… with whom I share endless moments of none stop laughter… the person to call on boring days and 5 minutes and we’re in the street cheering ourselves up!

MARTINA... dude I love you and you are SURE of that :)

NIHOOO :) I have to say we both use each other very well… with happiness! We call each other up or go out once every now and then to trash talk ourselves and tell each other the most random and retarded stories about ourselves that we don't usually share with regular friends because... well they're weird stories... Miss u babe :)

SELFTYYYY :) a perfect gossip buddy whom I enjoy every minute with… and I'm 100% sure I can count on you at any time...

HADOORA... love ya loads and you know it… even if I can’t give you an exact reason behind it… we share the same background… we share special moments and I just love you :)

SERIN… my KakaPoooo… I love ya… and I can count on you even if you’re inna different country, busy being a doctor! If I send you asking you what do I do... you'll send me a LONG and LOVING detailed plan of what you think... and I'm thankful :)

MARMAR… I miss living with you in the same place… our fish dance and fooling around… I honestly miss u loads!

CHANTY… who makes my online and BBM life quite interesting… I think we’re having an digital affair! Lol! But we have a lot in common and we share the same mental aurora :)

SALMA... my Saudi Wanna be Friend... you know I love you... we can talk about anything together and time doesn't change our friendship hun! You are almost ALWAYS the better friend!

Um… who else… who else… I don’t wanna forget anyone… ‘cause I realized this morning… DUDE I’M BLESSED…

There are so many people who mean a lot to me…. Madonna Said, Kimo, NagNag, Noody, Fudz, Attia, Yasmine, Rana, Maya, Mary, Zanzoon, Dee, Sandy, Dina Tia, Mariam Zaklama, 3azooz, Mina Ibrahim, Mina Scorpie, Mirna Gamal, Peter Michael, Rony, Sa3eed, Sara Wadi3, JouJou, Marmar, Rosey...

There are people I would kill to bring back the days with them… People I choose to end with because I truly love them and because they truly make my days shine… VIVOOO and YOUSSFYY :) Words can’t begin to describe how much I love you girls!

Umm… I honestly hope I didn’t forget anyone… because I’m truly blessed with people I love and I know they love me… no doubt! If I did, it would be an honest example of me being an unintentional bad friend...

May be I sometimes act stupid and slack of as a friend...

May be I’m disappointed with them sometimes...

May be I wished things went better with other people...

But in the end of the day I know we have each other...

Love you and thank you and realizing that I got you guys today… did cheer me up :)

Today, I'm not holding any grudges against anyone... I'm just enjoying being TRULY blessed :)

P.S. In case you're wondering... this post is only about friends... Mom & Dad deserve a post all on their own and would come way on TOP - love you both endlessly :D