Something Changed...

So when I herd I was coming to Dubai for a few months, I thought this is a great opportunity to make use of this time alone... I'm usually a person of strong will, and if I set my mind to something I'd do it...

I realized I'd be having a lot of time on hand, a lot of me time, a lot of alone time... and I figured this a chance for me to do a lot... but ever since I came here, I honestly don't know where the time does... I put it in my head that I want to achieve some stuff during my stay here and honestly I'm very disappointed at myself... because I've achieved none of them....

So that was my initial plan:

• I've always dreamed of learning multiple languages, so I thought this was an opportunity to brush on my French while I'm here, take a class after work or during the weekend! Obviously haven't done it.... haven't even looked into where I can take these classes.
• Be more outgoing, do activities on my own, don't be timid to learn to enjoy activities alone, even be open to meeting new people. Let's see... I'm very reluctant to do things on my own! For example there is a concert tonight that I really wanted to go and since I didn't find company I passed, I don't know why it is hard for me to do any activity on my own (except shopping to be honest, which I wish I can actually learn to control, anyway, not the point...) So, I'm not pissed at my friends for being un-supportive of an activity that I wanted to do as much as I am pissed at myself for being reluctant to go on my own, despite really wanting to go (donno if that makes any sense). The only time I go out and have fun, is when I've got company (usually people visiting), and that shouldn't be the case because my circle of people is so tiny, so I should really learn to go out  and have fun.  I also haven't made 1 new friend since I came here, work people are nice colleagues, others are random acquaintances, but a new friend, I haven't given myself a chance to meet new people... which is kind of weird, the beauty of travelling around is meeting people. 
• Make use of my free time (and the fact that the gym is right in my building) and exercise more regularly! I want to get fit and in shape! Guess what, as embarrassing as it is to say, I haven't been even ONCE to the gym. It's right in my building and I tend to find excuses for not going. Like time!! It's a 24/7 gym in my building and I'm saying I don't have time to go. And I guess this is one of the major things that piss me off at myself... like major disappointment!! 
• Develop my talent, my big dream! To read more and write more. And this is also something I'm just so pissed at myself for. Ever since I came here in Nov. 2012, I wrote no more than 5 posts, I wanted to start writing a new story and I just wrote 1 page of it... I'm just uninspired! I bought 3 new novels that are all lying on my table... And I do have time, I just don't have the will to pick up the book and read it

So I don't know what has happened to me, I've lost interest in a lot of things that I was once passionate about, I lost the will to get up and do something I want or something I care about... I'm just living from day to day with no set purpose or plan... I'm not enjoying the things I like to do... I've become so restless, it's annoying! I'm never excited about anything... and it's just not me!

I'm also so restless... before I used to wake up early, get up from the first buzz of the alarm, now... I can almost snooze for an hour, getting out of bed is like torture for me. I'm unmotivated to get up, I literally push myself out forcefully.

So I've got 3 months left here... with a lot of time on my own... I want to try and use them to see more places in the city. Depend on myself more to have fun, rather than wait for someone to join me, read more... write more, be more optimistic about life... have more fun! Be more optimistic and find motivation again.. Be out there and enjoy it... Find the stuff that excite me and I do them... 

So hopefully I can get over myself... and just live, who cares how or with who... just do the stuff that make me happy, so I can regain the will and excitement about life!

26 Things I Have AND Have Not Done Before Turning 26!

Well, I'm turning 26 today... I'm less depressed than I was when I turning 25. Anyways, I thought why not do a random checklist of the stuff I have and have not done before turning 26!

HAVE DONE - proudly or sadly, but mostly proudly!

1. Lived in two countries; Saudi Arabia and Egypt
2. Had friends from across the globe
3. Acted, directed and wrote plays
4. Finished my BA and MA
5. Gave a speech on behalf of my graduation class
6. Been angry to the extent that I smash something across a wall
7. Para sailed
8. Laughed till I cried
9. Got addicted (literally) to a show: Grey's Anatomy
10. Was titled funniest and most talented girl in high school
11. Drove while sleeping 
12. Obsessed over / fell for someone I never met!
13. Had three different jobs
14. Been broke, completely
15. Been mugged! 
16. Been in a major accident, and lived :) gladly
17. Done stupid and REALLY (okay really) foolish things for love! 
18. Fell for the wrong guys... OVER and OVER again! 
19. Read the same book at least 200 times
20. Made great friends and lost people who were supposed to be great friends! 
21. Fell in love with sushi suddenly
22. Read a novel over night
23. Sang and danced while driving 
24. Created imaginary stories in my head and lived with them for a while
25. Hated someone then became their very good friend
26. Started a blog

HAVE NOT DONE ~ and should have done!

1. Read the Bible entirely 
2. Had a surprise birthday party, I always figure out before they happen 
3. Done something completely insane and crazy 
4. Ditched classes 
5. Gone shopping with nothing but a fully loaded credit card 
6. Got an F in a course 
7. Learned German and French 
8. Watched Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings!
9. Been in a relationship 
10. Been on a date
11. Been to the movies alone
12. Gone clubbing or been drunk 
13. Partied late 
14. Tried any type of drug 
15. Reached my ideal weight 
16. Traveled around the world 
17. Seen snow 
18. Danced in the rain 
19. Gone swimming with my clothes on (don't ask me why it seems appealing) 
20. Caught the bouquet in a wedding 
21. Lied about where I'm spending the night 
22. Published a book 
23. Been good in a sport 
24. Learned drumming 
25. Saved money 
26. Drove faster than 120 Km/Hour

A Year of Blogging!

So, I can't believe it, I've been blogging for a year already! Time does fly! I still get excited about writing a new post and checking the stats to see if people liked it or hated it! I also still do get excited about the number of comments and likes I get. It's kind of rewarding!

Even more, the whole experience of blogging that Garbage of the Soul has given me is great. The fact that I can come here and write whatever comes to mind is amazing. And believe it or not it is quite relieving... getting things off my chest and feeling like I vent about whatever bothers me is soul enhancing!

It's also more interesting when I have people tell me that they really relate to what I write. It means that although this blog is basically just about me, there are people out there who feel I make sense. That all this craziness in me and these contradicting emotions really have some sanity in them. It's also appeasing to know that what I write may stand a chance of giving relief to someone else.

Over the year the most constant criticism I got revolved around the name of my blog! Well, it could take people back a little, however I don't mean that what I write is trashy, it just means that this blog is a place where I can come in and dump all my thoughts and emotions into writing, hence clearing up and reviving my Soul! ~ it kindda makes sense if you think about it!


Anyways, here are the TOP 10 posts you all have enjoyed over the course of this year! In case you've missed them, take a chance to look at them when you can. Here they are; the highest read on top of the list:
GIRL in Egypt...
FACE Your Relationship Issues!
Laughing At Me...
Letting Go...
The Perfect Life of Others...
I'm BLESSED...
Let the Make Over Begin...
I'm PISSED!
Super Mommy :)
The Focal Point Of Our Lives…

Looking forward to another year of MORE blogging!

Remember to always let me know what you think :)

Procrastination Queen...

I think if there is an award for the number one world procrastinator I would really have a BIG shot at winning. I honestly have a major problem at getting important things done. I manage to waste time pretty much doing everything and anything except what I should be doing...

Let's take today as an example... I woke up 9:30 a.m. with a 100% intention that I'd focus on my thesis... I promised myself I'd make use of this week, that God has gifted me with, in order to finish my thesis... So my agenda for today's thesis included:

• Reviewing at least a 100 surveys in order to remove invalid ones
• Data entry of at least 80 surveys 
• Reviewing my intro and literature review for spelling and grammatical errors

I've promised myself that I'd get this done, and if I finish those I'd take the rest of the day off, have a little fun and do my 1 hour workout that I promised myself I'd do...

Anyhow, it's 4:40 pm and this is what I've done so far in my day:

• 10:00 - 10:30 fooling around with my sister's new iPad
• 10:30 - 10:45 drinking coffee
• 10:45 - 12:00 decided I'd re-design how my blog looks
• 12:00 - 12:30 walking around home, talking to family, eating a banana 
• 12:-30 - 1:20 watching latest episode of Desperate Housewives
• 1:20 - 2:00 Facebook-ing and Twitter-ing 
• 2:00 - 3:00 lunch 
• 3:00 - 3:45 watching yesterday's Grey's Anatomy episode
• 3:45 - 4:15 FINALLY I reviewed 20 surveys
• 4:15 - 4:35 coffee "break" and more Facebook-ing and Twitter-ing 
• 4:35 - now since my status was on FB and Twitter was that I'm a pro at wasting time, I ended up here, writing this...

So... Ya... I'm the queen of procrastination... Sadly, I can't even being to explain how much I need to focus and get my work done... I honestly have to. This 10 day holiday is really my savior to finishing my Masters and I have to use it well.. 

Point is, when I end up wasting time, neither do I get the job done nor do I have fun. I'm just stuck at home under the illusion that I'm working, when I'm not. So really, if I'm home, I should get it done.. If I plan to procrastinate, I should just get up, go out and have some real fun!

Needless to say that I just bought a novel on Wednesday and it's sitting right next to me now and I'm fighting temptation not to grab it and start reading!

Now that I've let out my anger towards my poor time management skills, I'm hoping I really get back and do what I planned for to do at the beginning of this day.

And I hope I get my one hour workout! I need it too! 

C ya :) 

~ Let's say it would take me another 15 mins to color and format this post... plus I hear some fight in the street that I'm going to check out. Hopefully by 5 pm, I'll be back on track! At least I'm a queen at something, lol! 

Cheer Me Up Mado!!!

Well by now I'm a pro on my own self cheering up! Yesterday I felt like crap... if you came across my blog you'd have noticed from the FOUR miserable posts (Lost, Distraction, CTRL & My Freaking Enemy...) that I've written that I was pretty much going down the drain!

HOWEVER...
Today, I'm different... I'm more laid back and chilled! Today... I'm smiling!

Do I sound disturbed!? LOL! Ya, I do, even to me... but hell with it! I'm realistic, yesterday I felt like shit! Today I don't! It happens! Today I decided to cheer myself and smile! I decided maybe I shouldn't really make it get to me badly! I decided even if I don't really feel at ease, I should smile and not think about it!

ANYHOW...
Let me tell you my plan on self mediating and cheering up! 

I gotta say, my blog has served me well. I'm the kindda person who feels better after I really express myself!  I write whatever I feel down and BINGO I feel better. If you ask me why, I'd simply tell you, it's amazing to get things off your chest!

For me... if something is annoying me, I need to get it out and speak about it. I need to express it and get it out of my system. I also figured that people don't always wanna hear about my personal issues! No one wants someone who really complains a lot, or makes a big deal outta every single emotion! SO that's where my dear precious blog kicks in. I get out whatever I've got bottled inside out... hence I call it, Garbage of the Soul! --- um, smart ain't I.

True, some people may read it and decide for themselves that I'm a whiner! But, really this is my personal space where I'm entitled to say whatever I want! I've created this blog to help myself feel better, to come and write it down here rather than exploding elsewhere! If they still find it quite disturbing to read... there is a lil "x" up in the corner that they're so likely welcomed to click on! LOL! I don't mean to be rude! But seriously, if no one is willing to hear me out, I might as well find a place to vent! Hehe!

Additionally, I got up this morning, got into my car, my sanctuary, rolled the windows down... hit the music to full blast! I let the cool chilly breeze run through my hair, putting an idiotic smile across my face and sung on the top my lungs with the music and I might have danced a lil :)  and I gotta tell you this insane, kiddish, idiotic feeling is all it really takes to make feel brand new! Makes me relieved... helps me push out all the negative energy I got bottled up. And I do smile a lot and laugh insanely when someone looks at me like I'm crazy!

So ya... yesterday I did feel like crap! I was at the bottom of ocean... pretty much felt like drowning! Today, regardless of what I might be feeling deep down, I'm back on the top floating! At least I'm smiling... and I'm looking forward to get back into the car and enjoy myself again!

So really, all it takes to cheer one is is him/herself! I don't need anyone to come and lift my ego...Me, myself and I are pretty much good at it :) So when I'm down, I know what it takes to make me feel better! I call on the one person I trust, the one person who is always there for me, and I tell her: Cheer Me Up Mado!!! She usually pulls it together, gets over herself and is there for me! 

How I Started Writing....

Well since you are reading my stuff, I think I owe it to you all to tell you how I started writing...

I've always loved reading... I read a lot when I was in school, used to burrow 3 books from the library per week... I really miss our school librarian by the way, she often crosses my mind, and I guess we can call each other friends... lol! Anyway...

So I read a lot, and then in 6th grade we had to read this awesome novel called The Outsiders, by S. E. Hinton... and let me tell u I loved this novel beyond imagination... and I read it over and over and over (I still have a copy and read it till today) and then on my second time reading it, I decided to read that page about the author, the page we often choose to skip and I realized, Hinton had her first book published at 16... and there you go... that was my first motivation....

Being a reader, I had a wide imagination, and there were a lot of stuff I read that I had stored, stuff I read that I wished were written differently, stories I wanted to change their endings, and climaxes that I wanted to emphasize... So... I started writing...

Most of my 6th grade stuff were short and crap to be honest... but I didn't give up... I tried and tried again... and I started writing this story, which I honestly never found a title for until today... and then... in 9th grade, I had an amazing English teacher, which I still remember everyday and hope I can get any contact with her, and she made us write diary entries... which I first thought was really corny and then trust me by the middle of the school year Miss Mais was probably the person who knew my deepest and darkest secrets!

So... I gave her my story to read and she really encouraged me...

And ever since I wrote 2 short stories and a lot of poetry, a habit which I started in 12th grade... but I only write poems when I feel a certain way... more like depressed or confused... anyhow... I write poems...

And most recently, my good friend Salsa started her blog  and that gave me an idea.... so I started paying more attention to blogs, and came across really nice ones, like Single Dad Laughing, and I got even more motivated and inspired!

So these are basically what I've written so far 2 stories and poems...

Sometimes I write diary entries as well... but being the very un-trusting person I am, I tore every entry after writing it, so it wouldn’t fall into anyone’s hands… I have problems feeling exposed! lol!

Anyhow so this is how I started writing.... and this is where I am today :)