Something Changed...

So when I herd I was coming to Dubai for a few months, I thought this is a great opportunity to make use of this time alone... I'm usually a person of strong will, and if I set my mind to something I'd do it...

I realized I'd be having a lot of time on hand, a lot of me time, a lot of alone time... and I figured this a chance for me to do a lot... but ever since I came here, I honestly don't know where the time does... I put it in my head that I want to achieve some stuff during my stay here and honestly I'm very disappointed at myself... because I've achieved none of them....

So that was my initial plan:

• I've always dreamed of learning multiple languages, so I thought this was an opportunity to brush on my French while I'm here, take a class after work or during the weekend! Obviously haven't done it.... haven't even looked into where I can take these classes.
• Be more outgoing, do activities on my own, don't be timid to learn to enjoy activities alone, even be open to meeting new people. Let's see... I'm very reluctant to do things on my own! For example there is a concert tonight that I really wanted to go and since I didn't find company I passed, I don't know why it is hard for me to do any activity on my own (except shopping to be honest, which I wish I can actually learn to control, anyway, not the point...) So, I'm not pissed at my friends for being un-supportive of an activity that I wanted to do as much as I am pissed at myself for being reluctant to go on my own, despite really wanting to go (donno if that makes any sense). The only time I go out and have fun, is when I've got company (usually people visiting), and that shouldn't be the case because my circle of people is so tiny, so I should really learn to go out  and have fun.  I also haven't made 1 new friend since I came here, work people are nice colleagues, others are random acquaintances, but a new friend, I haven't given myself a chance to meet new people... which is kind of weird, the beauty of travelling around is meeting people. 
• Make use of my free time (and the fact that the gym is right in my building) and exercise more regularly! I want to get fit and in shape! Guess what, as embarrassing as it is to say, I haven't been even ONCE to the gym. It's right in my building and I tend to find excuses for not going. Like time!! It's a 24/7 gym in my building and I'm saying I don't have time to go. And I guess this is one of the major things that piss me off at myself... like major disappointment!! 
• Develop my talent, my big dream! To read more and write more. And this is also something I'm just so pissed at myself for. Ever since I came here in Nov. 2012, I wrote no more than 5 posts, I wanted to start writing a new story and I just wrote 1 page of it... I'm just uninspired! I bought 3 new novels that are all lying on my table... And I do have time, I just don't have the will to pick up the book and read it

So I don't know what has happened to me, I've lost interest in a lot of things that I was once passionate about, I lost the will to get up and do something I want or something I care about... I'm just living from day to day with no set purpose or plan... I'm not enjoying the things I like to do... I've become so restless, it's annoying! I'm never excited about anything... and it's just not me!

I'm also so restless... before I used to wake up early, get up from the first buzz of the alarm, now... I can almost snooze for an hour, getting out of bed is like torture for me. I'm unmotivated to get up, I literally push myself out forcefully.

So I've got 3 months left here... with a lot of time on my own... I want to try and use them to see more places in the city. Depend on myself more to have fun, rather than wait for someone to join me, read more... write more, be more optimistic about life... have more fun! Be more optimistic and find motivation again.. Be out there and enjoy it... Find the stuff that excite me and I do them... 

So hopefully I can get over myself... and just live, who cares how or with who... just do the stuff that make me happy, so I can regain the will and excitement about life!

26 Things I Have AND Have Not Done Before Turning 26!

Well, I'm turning 26 today... I'm less depressed than I was when I turning 25. Anyways, I thought why not do a random checklist of the stuff I have and have not done before turning 26!

HAVE DONE - proudly or sadly, but mostly proudly!

1. Lived in two countries; Saudi Arabia and Egypt
2. Had friends from across the globe
3. Acted, directed and wrote plays
4. Finished my BA and MA
5. Gave a speech on behalf of my graduation class
6. Been angry to the extent that I smash something across a wall
7. Para sailed
8. Laughed till I cried
9. Got addicted (literally) to a show: Grey's Anatomy
10. Was titled funniest and most talented girl in high school
11. Drove while sleeping 
12. Obsessed over / fell for someone I never met!
13. Had three different jobs
14. Been broke, completely
15. Been mugged! 
16. Been in a major accident, and lived :) gladly
17. Done stupid and REALLY (okay really) foolish things for love! 
18. Fell for the wrong guys... OVER and OVER again! 
19. Read the same book at least 200 times
20. Made great friends and lost people who were supposed to be great friends! 
21. Fell in love with sushi suddenly
22. Read a novel over night
23. Sang and danced while driving 
24. Created imaginary stories in my head and lived with them for a while
25. Hated someone then became their very good friend
26. Started a blog

HAVE NOT DONE ~ and should have done!

1. Read the Bible entirely 
2. Had a surprise birthday party, I always figure out before they happen 
3. Done something completely insane and crazy 
4. Ditched classes 
5. Gone shopping with nothing but a fully loaded credit card 
6. Got an F in a course 
7. Learned German and French 
8. Watched Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings!
9. Been in a relationship 
10. Been on a date
11. Been to the movies alone
12. Gone clubbing or been drunk 
13. Partied late 
14. Tried any type of drug 
15. Reached my ideal weight 
16. Traveled around the world 
17. Seen snow 
18. Danced in the rain 
19. Gone swimming with my clothes on (don't ask me why it seems appealing) 
20. Caught the bouquet in a wedding 
21. Lied about where I'm spending the night 
22. Published a book 
23. Been good in a sport 
24. Learned drumming 
25. Saved money 
26. Drove faster than 120 Km/Hour

Procrastination Queen...

I think if there is an award for the number one world procrastinator I would really have a BIG shot at winning. I honestly have a major problem at getting important things done. I manage to waste time pretty much doing everything and anything except what I should be doing...

Let's take today as an example... I woke up 9:30 a.m. with a 100% intention that I'd focus on my thesis... I promised myself I'd make use of this week, that God has gifted me with, in order to finish my thesis... So my agenda for today's thesis included:

• Reviewing at least a 100 surveys in order to remove invalid ones
• Data entry of at least 80 surveys 
• Reviewing my intro and literature review for spelling and grammatical errors

I've promised myself that I'd get this done, and if I finish those I'd take the rest of the day off, have a little fun and do my 1 hour workout that I promised myself I'd do...

Anyhow, it's 4:40 pm and this is what I've done so far in my day:

• 10:00 - 10:30 fooling around with my sister's new iPad
• 10:30 - 10:45 drinking coffee
• 10:45 - 12:00 decided I'd re-design how my blog looks
• 12:00 - 12:30 walking around home, talking to family, eating a banana 
• 12:-30 - 1:20 watching latest episode of Desperate Housewives
• 1:20 - 2:00 Facebook-ing and Twitter-ing 
• 2:00 - 3:00 lunch 
• 3:00 - 3:45 watching yesterday's Grey's Anatomy episode
• 3:45 - 4:15 FINALLY I reviewed 20 surveys
• 4:15 - 4:35 coffee "break" and more Facebook-ing and Twitter-ing 
• 4:35 - now since my status was on FB and Twitter was that I'm a pro at wasting time, I ended up here, writing this...

So... Ya... I'm the queen of procrastination... Sadly, I can't even being to explain how much I need to focus and get my work done... I honestly have to. This 10 day holiday is really my savior to finishing my Masters and I have to use it well.. 

Point is, when I end up wasting time, neither do I get the job done nor do I have fun. I'm just stuck at home under the illusion that I'm working, when I'm not. So really, if I'm home, I should get it done.. If I plan to procrastinate, I should just get up, go out and have some real fun!

Needless to say that I just bought a novel on Wednesday and it's sitting right next to me now and I'm fighting temptation not to grab it and start reading!

Now that I've let out my anger towards my poor time management skills, I'm hoping I really get back and do what I planned for to do at the beginning of this day.

And I hope I get my one hour workout! I need it too! 

C ya :) 

~ Let's say it would take me another 15 mins to color and format this post... plus I hear some fight in the street that I'm going to check out. Hopefully by 5 pm, I'll be back on track! At least I'm a queen at something, lol! 

Footprints in My Life...

Everyday we run into different people in life... these people leave varying prints in our life. Some are strong and some are less effective. However, everyone and anyone we meet and run into teaches us something. Something we may not notice... however we silently and unconsciously learn.  All this together, no matter how much we tell ourselves that we are our own creation, help shape who we are. These people may not know us, we might be observing them from afar yet they teach us something so true and so valuable. These people may not be aware our our deep passion and need to thank them... but fact is, our life wouldn't have been the same without them. We wouldn't have been the same without them. Some people leave strong prints in our life. Deep rooted prints that teach us clear lessons in life... A print we're aware of and learn from consciously with a smile on our face. A footprint too strong that we wish to learn from every single day... A footprint we're reminded with every single day because you look into the mirror and see its traces on your face and soul. This post is dedicated to the people who have really taught me something... people I owe something to... I admire and aspire to be like! 

Dad... my dad is a man of hard work and dedication. He's the kindda man that worked so hard to provide endlessly to all those who are around him. He's taught me that hard work is rewarded. That good things happen to those who work for it. That things don't come to you in crystal bowls and aren't fed to you in golden spoons. He's taught me that doing what's right is the safest, best and most efficient way to success. He's taught me to value honesty. To be able to say NO clearly and loudly to face of anything wrong. He continues to teach us everyday. Just 'cause you make money or have money doesn't mean you waste it. Doesn't mean you use it unwisely. That having money while not giving others and using it for good deeds is really wasted money. He taught me what it means and takes to be selfless! He taught me what it means to feel happiness in seeing the people around you happy. He's taught me that family is the most important thing in life! He's taught me that being a good person is a duty not a choice. Sometimes I work too hard, to show my dad that his investment in his kids has paid off. My dad didn't sit me down and talk me into those things... watching him day by day gave me the scruples and basis I live with today. And though some people see it as too traditional, too corny or too safe. I find pride in being like my Dad!

Mom... well where to start? I would honestly not know! My mom is the mom is wish to one day be. This should really sum it all up. My mom has done all she can to make us a happy family. She's the balance. The center. The core. Sometimes I just silently look at her with admiration. We sometimes go through a lot of thick and thin as a family, and if it were not for mom it don't assume we'd have gone through it. She's never complained... She's accepted everything with a smile and in silence. She's made sure her kids don't worry about a thing. She made sure we go on in life enjoying our childhood. As I grew up I realized how much my mom has gone through: the good, the bad, the unexpected. And it surprises me that I never saw her break down despite being one of the most sensitive people I've ever known. It surprises me that when I look back to my childhood I don't remember having any problems. My mom is a true example of someone who who has done endless sacrifice for her family. If anything went wrong, she'd make it up for us with her love and care. She's the kinnda mom I'd brag about, show off with in front of people. Tell them look who my mom is! She's knows everything going on with her kids. Pushes them forward. Wants to see them the best they could be. Still wakes up in the morning to make sure they have breakfast, if they need any help. Calls you to check on you in the middle of the day. She's my friend, my dearest friend! Without my mom, I wouldn't be me... something would be missing! Without my morning hug to mom, my day wouldn't go right! I'd do anything to make her smile & to see her happy. I can sit and talk to her for years... talk about her for ages...Currently I'm smiling talking about mom... wondering, are my words expressive enough to show how much she means to me, how much I love her & how much she taught me. I'd kill to be like my mom one day! If I ever get kids and I'm the mom to them that my mom was to me... they'd be super lucky! All the kindness, sensitivity, loyalty, sympathy and willingness to help without asking for anything in return IN ME, comes from Mom. One day I wish to be her! 

S. E. Hinton... the first time I realized I have a hero and role model was in 7th grade. I read a novel called, "The Outsiders," in school. A novel so true and simple and realistic and appealing. Every word she wrote touched my heart. Every word written felt so real. At the back of your head you could see it happening. For the first time I cared to flip to the "about the author" pages and was in shock to realized she wrote The Outsiders when she was 16! She wrote a novel that is taught in schools when she was 16. Do you realize the magnitude of this? It's pretty amazing! Anyways... that made me realize that you don't need to be old to write or start investing in a hobby or talent. At the age of 12, thanks to S. E. Hinton, I started writing. I set my passion free and enjoyed it! My admiration for S. E. Hinton also drove to read every single one of her books. And as soon as I finished a book it was automatically shifted yo my list of favorites! When all the books in the school library for Hinton were done I realized I couldn't live without reading. It became a thing that I burrow books from the library every single week. I'd read up to 3 novels a week. And for that, I thank Hinton... honestly! Because of this author I was gifted with my two most precious hobbies: reading and writing! Not just because they're enjoyable! But they really liberate anything that's on your mind whatever it is. Takes you with your thoughts and imagination elsewhere... sometimes, you wish to be left there! One day... who knows... may be my novel would be taught in school or placed in library and or on bookstore shelves! 

Miss Mais... well, you know those movies where this young high school teacher comes in changes lives! I'm glad to say this happened to me! In 9th grade I was lucky to have the funky, outta the box teacher that still managed to teach us well. She's my English teacher to whom I owe all my good vocabulary! Those impressive words I throw in once every now to show off I owe them to her. Ever since that class... I have a passion for teaching. It's one of my dreams that I hope to achieve. She's taught me that when your teacher picks on you and pushes you around it means that she's knows you've got potential. She made us do a daily diary, write anything... as long as you write daily. At the beginning I didn't know what to write, I was uncomfortable... but later it became part of my daily routine; couldn't let a day go by without writing. And everyday the quality and content of what I wrote got deeper. Sometimes I was even surprised with the stuff I wrote. I ask myself should I have really written that?! I still have that diary with me till today, and I read it from time to time and smile. I smile at the experience, the memory and my way of fitting in complex vocabulary in the middle of serious confessions (at least at that time they were). With time, Miss Mais became the first person to read my first story. She took the time to read it and edit every word of it although it wasn't related to any class material.That kind of teacher that took time to invest in her student's dreams and potential is the kind of teacher I hope to be one day... the teacher someone could write about 10 years later without her knowing! I hope I can find her again some day...

So... Dad, Mom, S. E. Hinton and Miss Mais... thanks is really the simplest and best way to end this! 

How I Started Writing....

Well since you are reading my stuff, I think I owe it to you all to tell you how I started writing...

I've always loved reading... I read a lot when I was in school, used to burrow 3 books from the library per week... I really miss our school librarian by the way, she often crosses my mind, and I guess we can call each other friends... lol! Anyway...

So I read a lot, and then in 6th grade we had to read this awesome novel called The Outsiders, by S. E. Hinton... and let me tell u I loved this novel beyond imagination... and I read it over and over and over (I still have a copy and read it till today) and then on my second time reading it, I decided to read that page about the author, the page we often choose to skip and I realized, Hinton had her first book published at 16... and there you go... that was my first motivation....

Being a reader, I had a wide imagination, and there were a lot of stuff I read that I had stored, stuff I read that I wished were written differently, stories I wanted to change their endings, and climaxes that I wanted to emphasize... So... I started writing...

Most of my 6th grade stuff were short and crap to be honest... but I didn't give up... I tried and tried again... and I started writing this story, which I honestly never found a title for until today... and then... in 9th grade, I had an amazing English teacher, which I still remember everyday and hope I can get any contact with her, and she made us write diary entries... which I first thought was really corny and then trust me by the middle of the school year Miss Mais was probably the person who knew my deepest and darkest secrets!

So... I gave her my story to read and she really encouraged me...

And ever since I wrote 2 short stories and a lot of poetry, a habit which I started in 12th grade... but I only write poems when I feel a certain way... more like depressed or confused... anyhow... I write poems...

And most recently, my good friend Salsa started her blog  and that gave me an idea.... so I started paying more attention to blogs, and came across really nice ones, like Single Dad Laughing, and I got even more motivated and inspired!

So these are basically what I've written so far 2 stories and poems...

Sometimes I write diary entries as well... but being the very un-trusting person I am, I tore every entry after writing it, so it wouldn’t fall into anyone’s hands… I have problems feeling exposed! lol!

Anyhow so this is how I started writing.... and this is where I am today :)