What is Stopping You? Umm… Me?

How many days have you woken up and decided today is going to be a better day? Not because you have this hinge that something will be different about it, but because you think you will be able to do things differently.

Personally, I get so many of these days. I wake up with a big smile, super positive… and in that spirit I put my make up on and make sure my hair all puffed up and nice… I dress up, get into my car, stop for my favorite coffee, play my favorite music and starting singing! I’m cheerful!

But then after the second song, pretty much... the old, grumpy, indifferent me comes back. All the negative or pointless thoughts start hitting me, one after the other... "it's been ages since I've been to the gym," about work, my personal life, my family, friends, my social life, the need to go to church more often, my diet, my spirituality, my big dreams around my career, love,‘oh Lord, I’m turning 30 where did my life go?!” And before I know it, my positive outlook to life and my desire to do things differently is gone! Surprisingly most times, nothing has happened to trigger this negativity. 

So I’m really wondering what stops us from keeping the smile, thinking positively, singing in our cars, packing our bags and going on an adventurous trip, working out daily, being really open to expressing what is exactly on your mind, and courageous enough to meet new people? I wish I knew… Sometimes I think it is out of habit that we are inclined to being negative, other times I think it is routine, culture, pressure to do things in certain way, worrying about work, or how people feel, satisfying others… I’m not sure!

But I guess acknowledging that you need that change… is still somehow a good start! 

2013... Was Different!!

I've been terrible at posting... a year has gone by and I probably wrote less than a hand full of posts... and in all honesty I don't know where the time has gone... I'm usually a better writer when it comes to drama... so as much as it sucks that I haven't been writing... I feel it could be a good sign... means maybe I have had a good year!

So let me take this chance... to just jot down a few thoughts... won't even go back and look at what I wrote or edit it... let's see what comes out..

2013 was a different year for me the least to say. There was the good, the bad and the expected... all in all I have to say... looking back this year has been a one of a kind experience.

Starting off... the whole experience of being away from home for more than the year was unexpected. With this... lots of changes were made. It really gave me the chance to clear my head from so many things and distractions that were blurring my vision.... I let go of anything and anyone who could be holding me back... I had a year of self/quality time.. Which in all honesty, I needed and really enjoyed.

I learned the true meaning of independence... I learned a lot of values. I learned that its really hard to keep in touch with friends and that it is a two way effort... nothing comes easily. I must admit along the way I might have lost some friends! I also learned that others rose up... and became closer to me compared to before. Hence, learning that distance really isn't an element... it really comes down to how much effort you're willing to put in.

I also made new friends... learned to come out of my comfort zone... don't be shy about meeting new people and new experiences. I met people who... right now I cannot imagine how I'd leave them behind. To those friends.. I want to say... in 2014, I'm willing to put in the effort to stay in touch.

I think most important lesson was... not to accept less than one deserves from others.

Work has also been one hell of a change this year. Its been exiting, hectic and crazy... I've enjoyed working for a BIG entity... one that really makes the world a better place... Not just something you'd say in an ad; gives you a whole different sense of self actualization. I travelled around, which is always interesting. I had the chance to live in Dubai for more than a year and a chance to visit Oman, Turkey, NY and Connecticut. All in all, it has been some interesting cultural experience...one I enjoyed and plan to continue to enjoy...

Family... well it was very hard being away from my family for so long. The sense that they need me and I'm not there is a killer. Also the effort to keep the bond regardless of the distance wasn't easy... you learn to value them more... when something happens and you really wish they're here with you... but they're not.

Fun... this year wasn't so bad... I had fun, went around, laughed hard, met new people, went to new places, tried new experiences... may be not all of them were great at the time, but looking back, I enjoyed 2013.

Of course there are always stuff to look forward when you look ahead... I won't make a list of resolutions which are only good on paper... But let me say... Yes! There are  few things I'd like to work on... personally, socially and career wise in 2014. I feel I've spent enough time learning who I am and what I want in life... I learned what makes me happy.

I will not say I wish 2014 to be better than 2013... I'm thankful for my past year with all its good and bad. I'm walking into the new year with a lot of optimism for myself, my family, my career, my friends and my country.

Be thankful for your past year... and I wish everyone a more than AWESOME year to come.

Egypt... I Miss You!

So you know, no matter how much you complain when you're back home about how you'd love a new  experience and how much you need the change, like that would be the solution to all your problems. Let me tell you that is not always the case.

No matter how happy you are wherever you are and no matter how impressed you are by which ever city you land upon; even if it's supposedly one of the best in the world... you will still be homesick.

And regardless of the many problems and complexities that come along with the baggage of being home; you'd be surprised that when you're home with your family, the people you love and the streets you know best (despite their insanity) you are in your comfort zone. You don't have "major" issues to worry about it. Being away from home and alone makes you worry. Makes you fear things you never thought about and makes you realize what is really important for you.You don't realize how easy your life actually is when you are worry free. And yes, regardless of the never ending mess Egypt is going through, it is EASY!!!

It's home... you can't ask why or how or be surprised, but you just love it to the bones.
In the end there is no place like home.

I'm homesick. 
Being away from you sucks; and having to watch you on the news sucks even more.
I miss my family, my friends, my home, my room, my bed, my car, my old job, Egyptian people, our streets, our smiles, our music in the streets, our problems, our food, our traffic, our spirit, our humor... I miss my comfort zone!

I miss Egypt! I miss home!

More to Life...

Lately all I do is think and evaluate...

I won't complain my life isn't dramatic or heartbreaking... I've done well on some fronts.... I understand some people have bigger, more disturbing issues and problems when compared to me... YET... when I look at my life, flashback and think... all that comes to mind is: WHAT THE HELL!? There has got to be MORE to life than THIS!

I think I've gone along in life too serious, too boring... too safe!

When I look at my life at 26 I'm sure there is a lot more to life than family, getting educated, working like a freak, more education, more work, shopping, going to the movies, the internet, soap operas, and sitting in a restaurant with friends...

All these are "good" stuff... but they're basics... pure basics... the normal boring stuff! The stuff you do and say: BLEH! And unfortunately my life is full of those!

But I don't have these insane, outgoing, crazy, adventurous, once in life time experience that I look back to and tell myself: I've lived my life to the fullest...

Unfortunately to me... I haven't lived my life to the fullest... probably not even a quarter full!

And yes... some stuff (that I prefer not getting into) have contributed to the "Bleh Lifestyle" that I have been destined to BUT for once I gotta say I take a huge part of the blame for that... they say: you're in charge of your own life... And I've probably been unsatisfied with my life for at least the last 6 years and I don't think it change a bit...

All I know is there has got to be more to life than THIS! And there has to be something I can do about it than hope that it changes! Although I wish it DOES change on its own.

There is MORE to Life.
More, that I'd like to one day see.
Some day... I GOT to look back and tell myself: WOW! I've lived life to the FULLEST!

The Bright Side...

We often get gloomy and depressed, we often decide that the world is such a dark and twisted place! Okie, let me rephrase! I often think the work is dark and twisted! I loose sight of all the good stuff that could have happened in my life... and the good stuff that continue to happen every single day.

Anyhow... sometimes I get those moments when I start cursing my entire life from the moment it started... I don't see except all the bad stuff! It seriously drains me!

But then a little thing happens and it reminds me with all the great stuff in my life.

SO what's the little thing that happened!? Well my brother posted the below picture to my Facebook wall... and it really got me to remember my life as a little kid! I used to do this! My childhood was awesome! My childhood is just one of the pretty amazing things in my life!

Let me just list a few of the things that we stop noticing after a while because they have become inevitable:

My great family...
That my mom still hugs me every morning when I wake up...
My good health...
My amazing childhood memories...
The fact that I have all my needs...
The fact that I can get most of my wants...
My education...
My friends...
That most nights I get a good night's sleep...
That in the end of the day, there are no massive problems to worry me or keep me up all night...
Actually, the fact that I've got a cozy bed at home waiting for me every night... 
That I can still smile...
That regardless of what I say and how much I whine, I do have people who care about me...
That I've got a brother who'd remember me when he sees a picture like this.. would send it to me 'cause he know it would make my day...

Point is those things have become part of our routines so we don't realize their importance. We don't realize that those little things are what keep us going. That if they're gone we'd realize the impact they have on our lives.

If every time we get gloomy, enter into the dark and twisted depressed mood... IF we take the moment to remember at least 1 of those little things that make us happy, or at least make us smile... trust me, things would be bright again!

I'm BLESSED...

So lately, I might have been a little dramatic about how much people suck and aren’t worth it… and true there are times when I’m at the EDGE of the world… times when I feel like I could possibly hate everyone…

Some readers might have thought… Who does she think she is? Miss Perfect!? Miss Victim!?

NOPES I DON'T THINK SO…

This is a good opportunity to admit that pointing fingers "sometimes" does not mean that I’m perfect or better than the world. I’m fully aware that I have my HUGE faults… that sometimes I’m the bad friend and sometimes I fail the people who count on me… I try my best not to… but I’m sure it happens! I try that these times would be unintentional but sometimes things slip… and I DO apologize to anyone I upset in anyway!

When I write such depressed and angry posts… I’m usually down… hurt… upset and yes ANGRY and HATEFUL!


BUT AGAIN… that doesn’t change the fact that I’m blessed with friends who lighten up my days… who despite everything can still make me smile… who have my back regardless how often we see each other, talk or express our love to each other…

Maybe we sometimes drift apart, have our differences, our arguments, our disappointments… maybe at times they’re sucky friends and other times I’m the stinky friend… but I’m blessed and thankful to have them in my life…

Lanoull… who honestly proved that distance, time and space do not change real friendship… that despite anything I can still have someone who understands me just by looking at each other… a person with whom I share LISTS and LISTS of memories… a person I can talk to for hours none stop about ANYTHING shamelessly… and even if we’re repeating the same stories over and over and over again we would NEVER get bored…. A person I really don’t worry about being judged with :) - Babe... I'd kill to have you live with me in the same country!

Yarooor… a true example of a GREAT childhood friend… an amazing listener… the right person to talk to when I'm down because I'm sure she’s got my back! Lots of memories together and the best person to share a girl’s night in with :) Coziness, girl talk, food, movies, tears, gossip and lots of laughter :)

Sandoor… who would help in whichever way she can whenever she can… giving her maximum without thinking twice… she even prays for me without asking… I can take her mature opinion in whatever comes to mind, knowing she’ll be honest without painting the truth :)

SharShory… has the KINDEST heart EVER… who at the time of need will be the first person there… ALSO one of the people I LAUGH with the most… knows how to have fun and makes me feel special :) Best person for girl talk! Can't live without her and can't help but love her! :)

Salsa… maybe we don’t hang out much! BUT…. We have tons and tons in common, mentally and personally… and we know we LOVE each other tremendously and we both know it… and if I ever wanna talk and blab my heart out… she’s the right person to call… she listens, advices, cares and cheers you up amazingly and she is FUN!! :) - I was gonna postpone this post till later but I just came back from dinner with Salsa and I thought THIS CAN'T WAIT... I have awesome people in my life that I gotta be thankful for :)

I hope you aren’t bored yet ‘cause the my list of special people is LONG :) I woke up today deciding I’ll focus on the bright side…

There is also MONDY the GREAT… who is the most amazing sis, friend and buddy! Kindest, sweetest, most loving... And trust me I’d do MIRACLES to see her the happiest person ever :)

And MONMON the GREAT :) My KICK ASS little brother whom I can fool around as much as I want… be stupid and idiotic… and be the loser I avoid being around other people! :

LOVE YOU BOTH ENDLESSLY :)

Umm… moving on to the people I see less often but they just charm my life in various ways…

VANTYYY… Love spending time with you… adorable and sweet are the best words to describe you babe… and I mean it!

MARIOUMA… childhood friend and buddy… with whom I share endless moments of none stop laughter… the person to call on boring days and 5 minutes and we’re in the street cheering ourselves up!

MARTINA... dude I love you and you are SURE of that :)

NIHOOO :) I have to say we both use each other very well… with happiness! We call each other up or go out once every now and then to trash talk ourselves and tell each other the most random and retarded stories about ourselves that we don't usually share with regular friends because... well they're weird stories... Miss u babe :)

SELFTYYYY :) a perfect gossip buddy whom I enjoy every minute with… and I'm 100% sure I can count on you at any time...

HADOORA... love ya loads and you know it… even if I can’t give you an exact reason behind it… we share the same background… we share special moments and I just love you :)

SERIN… my KakaPoooo… I love ya… and I can count on you even if you’re inna different country, busy being a doctor! If I send you asking you what do I do... you'll send me a LONG and LOVING detailed plan of what you think... and I'm thankful :)

MARMAR… I miss living with you in the same place… our fish dance and fooling around… I honestly miss u loads!

CHANTY… who makes my online and BBM life quite interesting… I think we’re having an digital affair! Lol! But we have a lot in common and we share the same mental aurora :)

SALMA... my Saudi Wanna be Friend... you know I love you... we can talk about anything together and time doesn't change our friendship hun! You are almost ALWAYS the better friend!

Um… who else… who else… I don’t wanna forget anyone… ‘cause I realized this morning… DUDE I’M BLESSED…

There are so many people who mean a lot to me…. Madonna Said, Kimo, NagNag, Noody, Fudz, Attia, Yasmine, Rana, Maya, Mary, Zanzoon, Dee, Sandy, Dina Tia, Mariam Zaklama, 3azooz, Mina Ibrahim, Mina Scorpie, Mirna Gamal, Peter Michael, Rony, Sa3eed, Sara Wadi3, JouJou, Marmar, Rosey...

There are people I would kill to bring back the days with them… People I choose to end with because I truly love them and because they truly make my days shine… VIVOOO and YOUSSFYY :) Words can’t begin to describe how much I love you girls!

Umm… I honestly hope I didn’t forget anyone… because I’m truly blessed with people I love and I know they love me… no doubt! If I did, it would be an honest example of me being an unintentional bad friend...

May be I sometimes act stupid and slack of as a friend...

May be I’m disappointed with them sometimes...

May be I wished things went better with other people...

But in the end of the day I know we have each other...

Love you and thank you and realizing that I got you guys today… did cheer me up :)

Today, I'm not holding any grudges against anyone... I'm just enjoying being TRULY blessed :)

P.S. In case you're wondering... this post is only about friends... Mom & Dad deserve a post all on their own and would come way on TOP - love you both endlessly :D

Family...

This entry is observational… not a generalization… using the word “we” doesn’t necessarily make it a rule… in fact it may only be applicable to me…

We’re sometimes at this age when we get drifted away from family because we care too much about our friends…

Pleasing them, making sure they aren’t upset, making sure we know all about them and they know all about us, making time for them, giving them our attention, involving them in every aspect of our life, willingly being there for them, making sure we listen to them…

And it makes me wonder… are our friends more important to us than our families?

Deep down inside, I’m sure each one’s answer to that question is: HELL NO!

I can’t deny they are both important and needed for a balanced life.

Our families mean a lot to us even if we sometimes loose track… even if they sometimes fall at the back of our heads.

And our friends are needed for our social being and development; for the fun side to our life, the chit chats, the gossip, the hang outs, the laughs, the inside jokes... and A LOT more (our friends need a separate post to give them what they deserve as well)...

They are both important and complementary… we can’t live without them and they’re both needed!

But... why do we like to make it seem like our friends matter more… why do we sometimes brag about our families not understanding us or that we don’t fit in… why is it so hard to show that we care or how much we love them!?

I’m not claiming I’m not doing this… or that I’m observing a trend that I don’t follow… in fact, I probably wrote about it ‘cause it applies to me more than anyone else :(

When I thought about it, the best answer I could come up with to these questions is that we sometimes take for granted the fact that our families are always there…

Sometimes I feel we need to give our families the attention that they deserve. Even if we feel it deep inside we need to show it more often so they know we care. We don’t have to wait till something happens so we realize we’ve been slacking off…

Our friends are important… BUT our families are who we are and why we’re here... Our friends are likely to come and go… true our families can and do come and go as well… but they’re likely the ones who won’t turn their backs on us, the ones we can count on at all times without hesitation, the ones we don’t mind being exposed in front of…

Our families are more likely the ones we have for keeps...