What is Stopping You? Umm… Me?

How many days have you woken up and decided today is going to be a better day? Not because you have this hinge that something will be different about it, but because you think you will be able to do things differently.

Personally, I get so many of these days. I wake up with a big smile, super positive… and in that spirit I put my make up on and make sure my hair all puffed up and nice… I dress up, get into my car, stop for my favorite coffee, play my favorite music and starting singing! I’m cheerful!

But then after the second song, pretty much... the old, grumpy, indifferent me comes back. All the negative or pointless thoughts start hitting me, one after the other... "it's been ages since I've been to the gym," about work, my personal life, my family, friends, my social life, the need to go to church more often, my diet, my spirituality, my big dreams around my career, love,‘oh Lord, I’m turning 30 where did my life go?!” And before I know it, my positive outlook to life and my desire to do things differently is gone! Surprisingly most times, nothing has happened to trigger this negativity. 

So I’m really wondering what stops us from keeping the smile, thinking positively, singing in our cars, packing our bags and going on an adventurous trip, working out daily, being really open to expressing what is exactly on your mind, and courageous enough to meet new people? I wish I knew… Sometimes I think it is out of habit that we are inclined to being negative, other times I think it is routine, culture, pressure to do things in certain way, worrying about work, or how people feel, satisfying others… I’m not sure!

But I guess acknowledging that you need that change… is still somehow a good start! 

The GOOD People We Meet in Life...

Life is pretty random, ironic, frustrating and unfair!

I keep searching for positive stuff to write and I can't help but fall into the negativity trap! It just runs to me with arms wide open!

I even tried stepping away from my self and finding positive stuff to write... stuff I see in other people and my surroundings and I still spot on negativity... 

I have to admit that even when I rarely find something positive to write about, it's short and stupid and inexpressive... I fail to be positive and to express positivity... Perhaps I have not yet run into something that is positive enough to move me and get me writing passionately...

ANYWAY...
I've recently noticed some great people in life... (don't get your hopes up, this isn't positive, not even close) like good people... amazing people who are simply just GOOD inside out... 

YET...
Strangely enough... I've also noticed that these GOOD, awesome people don't seem to be getting what they deserve... These people need tons of love, care, passion, consideration, appreciation, warmth, and thankfulness for their mere presence in life. At least for the fact that they wish you good morning with a smile...

I don't know what's up with life being unfair! It's beyond me to understand why some jerks are surrounded by lots of loving people who are willing to give them everything and anything... and the real actual GOOD nice people are surrounded by others who don't value them or deserve them!

It's beyond me to understand why these nice people get a life of unhappiness... worry... and lack of emotional support. Why their expectations are never met! Why they keep getting let down once, twice, trice and forever... Why they're surrounded by jerks who just mistreat them and cause them pain and disappointment. Why aren't they appreciated and valued. Why does BAD LUCK just keep chasing them day in and day out! Why they get pushed around and treated like invisibles!

It's beyond me to understand why these GOOD people are the ones who end up heartbroken, who go to sleep at night crying or worrying about tomorrow, why they end up with husbands and wives who doesn't deserve them, kids who don't value them and friends who forget them... Why are they the ones who end up neglected and ignored!

It's beyond me to understand why some people choose to be rude and hurt someone who has been nothing but super nice to them!

It's beyond me to understand why some people emotionally SCREW up other who have always been there for them and are keen to never making them feel bad.

The list can really go on forever... 


Why can't life give them a damn break and give them a reason to keep going; to continue being good... make them feel that they weren't fools all along for being this GOOD, decent, nice, caring.... (this list can also go on forever)!

It honestly pisses me off! They just deserve so much more! I can't find the words to explain what they deserve... BUT for a fact they deserve a lot more from everyone around them! These people aren't good, they're GOLD! They deserve to be treated like they're kings and queens! They deserve to be surrounded by people who love them and are willing and capable of giving back to them, even when they don't ask for it!

Why can't life just do some freakin' mixing and matching for a change. Give the jerks to the jerks and the nice ones to the nice ones.

Life is unfair... it's a fact I learnt to be true with every single passing day. A fact that I've come to accept. I've also come to accept that thinking otherwise is naive and stupid. 

I have met GOOD people in my life... and if life and others choose to be jerks to them... I can at least try to be nice to them back until life does it's magic and treats them well one day... or so I hope! I also choose to believe that one day goodness will be paid off by life! AT LEAST, it's a reason to keep going!

SIGH!

Busy Days…

Personally, I love holidays and having nothing to do… these times are a great reward!

However... these holidays are good when I'm in perfect and relaxed mood... when I have the intention to enjoy them...they need a particular mind set...

But there are times… when I have a problem or something bothering me…. During these times I really don’t like holidays… on the contrary I love busy days...

When this happens... free time just means sitting with loads of “time” to depress myself even more with negative thoughts… and… even if I try doing something I'm distracted and my thoughts are elsewhere…

Free time… when I have problems means that I sit in bed under covers… watching a movie with a big bag of chips… munching away to kill time!

The beauty of busy days is that they DO NOT give me time to think… I'd be caught up from one thing to another… from work, to meetings, to calls, to outings, to shopping, to driving… not a minute to think! - good for me!

I just don’t get any time to think about what’s bothering me… I don’t get the free time to sit and day dream about whatever it is…

I get home… and fall flat on bed and I'd asleep in seconds… rather than tossing and turning for hours … thinking and thinking… and I end up feeling even worst!

Empty days mean… I look at the clock and it’s 2:00 pm… next time I look it’s probably 2:02 pm… - not good!

Busy days mean… I look at the clock and it’s 2:00 pm… next time I look it’s 6:00 pm and before I know it’s already 11:00 pm and looking where my bed is... - perfect!

In busy days times passes faster…

I'm occupied…

I don’t have time to think…

Or to wait for things to happen…

Busy days are good… busy days are important and healthy…

I LOVE busy days... I NEED busy... I ENJOY busy days!