What is Stopping You? Umm… Me?

How many days have you woken up and decided today is going to be a better day? Not because you have this hinge that something will be different about it, but because you think you will be able to do things differently.

Personally, I get so many of these days. I wake up with a big smile, super positive… and in that spirit I put my make up on and make sure my hair all puffed up and nice… I dress up, get into my car, stop for my favorite coffee, play my favorite music and starting singing! I’m cheerful!

But then after the second song, pretty much... the old, grumpy, indifferent me comes back. All the negative or pointless thoughts start hitting me, one after the other... "it's been ages since I've been to the gym," about work, my personal life, my family, friends, my social life, the need to go to church more often, my diet, my spirituality, my big dreams around my career, love,‘oh Lord, I’m turning 30 where did my life go?!” And before I know it, my positive outlook to life and my desire to do things differently is gone! Surprisingly most times, nothing has happened to trigger this negativity. 

So I’m really wondering what stops us from keeping the smile, thinking positively, singing in our cars, packing our bags and going on an adventurous trip, working out daily, being really open to expressing what is exactly on your mind, and courageous enough to meet new people? I wish I knew… Sometimes I think it is out of habit that we are inclined to being negative, other times I think it is routine, culture, pressure to do things in certain way, worrying about work, or how people feel, satisfying others… I’m not sure!

But I guess acknowledging that you need that change… is still somehow a good start! 

The Scare of the White Hair...

Most people, and particularly girls, would think I'm insane to openly speak about white hair at the age of 25!


But seriously... all the girls I know, even younger than me... we can't deny that the white hair does exist! Some of us just have 1 white hair... it's become part of the generation identification!


I don't know about others... but for me, seeing a white hair gives me scare... seeing a white hair means I'll be having a bad day! It seriously bugs me!


I don't know why it gets to me... but something about growing older makes me grumpy (which I assume is only natural)! And even if a white hair at the age of 25 probably means nothing... it still makes me feel old! It makes me feel older than 25, and that sucks! It makes me feel like time as passing and I need to do something about my life!


Every time I see a white hair I do feel older than the time before! It scares me... I keep asking myself is this the same one or a new one... and I keep hoping it's the same old one! I ask myself what I have done since the last time I've seen a white hair! When the answer is usually nothing, I'm even grumpier!


Most people laugh and tell me not to let it get to me... but it does! The white hair is annoying and depressing and frustrating! I don't like it! 


Some people tell me I'm stupid for saying I got white hair! BUT c'mon it's a fact... it's an inevitable part of life! All the girls I know have got their own white hair to worry about!


White hair is an urging reminder that I need to get up and do something about my life! It's an urgent reminder that time is ticking and that I am growing older (even if I deny it)!


It is seriously depressing! The white hair is my enemy! 

Growing Older…

How does someone grow older?

Is it age? Sometimes I feel it has to do with age… I mean the day I turned 20 I wasn't too excited… and definitely the day I turned 25 wasn't thrilling at all!

However I realized that age isn’t always the indication of growing older…

I mean… there are days when I’m 25 and I feel younger than days when I was 22… if you get what I mean!

And those days when I feel young... I ask myself, why can't I just be that person everyday!? And the answer, I really dunno... I end up being old and grumpy uncontrollably! Like I'm helpless towards this disgusting feeling!

I feel growing older is a state of mind and emotions… Growing older means you worry yourself too much, you push yourself harder than you should, you punish yourself and you judge yourself harsher…

The more we immerse ourselves into problems, the older we get…

The more we worry, the older we get…

When we can’t careless and the weight keeps getting heavier; the older we get…

Telling yourself that you can’t do this because you’re not young anymore is the first sign of growing older…You convince yourself that you’ve grown when you haven’t…

You see yourself as old… although no one else does!

I figured that you can actually be young and spontaneous till the last day of your life… not immature… but young!

Laugh...

Sing...

Dance...

Go out...

Travel...

Take things as they come...

Worry less...

Believe it’ll work out on its own...

Let go of whatever it is that holds you back and makes you feel that way...

Do something stupid every now and then...

Stop being serious all the time...

Don't beat up yourself for things you cannot change...

Stop carrying more than you can hold...

I don’t claim I do that… on the contrary I do the exact opposite… and it pisses me off!

Lately I always feel old… Older than I am… Older than I should be… Emotionally and mentally older… I feel older than I deserve to be... Older than I owe it myself...

I even end up looking and sounding older than I am... people place me into this boring category!

And that just… makes me feel even sadder and hence… older! – sigh!