Is hope such a good thing?

I'm asking myself today if hope is good thing. Pushing yourself to remain optimistic in the midst of everything... does that really help you? I used to like think so... But the older I grow and the more I see I realize that maybe too much hope isn't always a good idea. As much as hope keeps you going, tells you that eventually there is a happy ending, that there is light in the end of the tunnel... that maybe there is a chance that things go as planned... It often becomes so scary because it means bigger disappointment and a stronger slap on the face.

I've recently decided to be more positive... to smile at life... to be more open to people and experiences.

And my take is... life is a real bitch. It stares you in the face, smiles at you, manipulates to think she is on your side... and just when you get comfortable... it smiles even bigger and points its middle finger right at you with a sense of victory. 

So I'm asking myself is hope such a good thing for us? Is it better to live with no expectations? May be then if something good happens it would make us happier.

I keep telling myself its all about time... good things are bound to happen... dreams might come true. But the truth is... I never get used to the disappointment. And every time it takes more effort on my side to have "hope" again... which only means the disappointment is bigger and stronger and harder to recover from. 

So I think I'm letting go of hope for a good while. I'm back to no expectations. I'm letting go of happy endings... I can deal with indifference, but I cannot deal with more disappointment. I want to say "who knows maybe life surprises me," but I realized that this is another shape of hope that just tricks you into waiting and into expecting anything good to come out of this thing called... life!

The OPTIMISM of December...

I don't know why but December to me has always been a happy season. Last year I had a post titled December and for some unlikely reason it was depressing. Well, true it's a month of self evaluation, you question yourself with what you've achieved and done in the year... bla bla bla! BUT, generally speaking it's a very happy month for me.

Maybe it's all the holiday and gifts that come with it. That disbelief that a year has gone by. The looking forward to a new year carrying new things! Being hopeful. Looking back to the good things. Making resolutions and hoping things would get better. Being around family and friends. Lots of partying and good food... :)

I don't know... but to me the Christmas decorations and the coziness of Christmas makes it for me and really lifts my mood and spirit. And seriously, the hope that next year will be better excites me and gives me something to look forward to.

May be it's an illusion, but December is a happy season for me... full of optimism. I like December... it just cheers me up inside! And that's a brilliant change!

Photos...

There are two types of photos...

There are photos we paint as illusions in our minds... they represent our dreams of how we hope something would turn out to be...

These photos are the usually beautiful, lavish and imaginative ... they takes us with our thoughts and feelings elsewhere... they lift us up when we're down... they convince us deep down that there is light at the end of the tunnel... they tell us that despite of anything things will get better and will one day turn out the way we wanted...

True... sometimes we're disappointed when these photos are never reached and framed into reality... but we cannot live without them. These unrealistic photos are sometimes what gives us the strength to move on... they give us reasons and excuses because we hope we reach these imaginary lives at the end...

The other type of photos are actual pictures we have in albums... they represent our special moments and valued memories. They help us remember good times when we're nostalgic...

These pictures also help us move on when we're down because when we look back at them we know that family warmth always gives us a feeling of security, that loyal friends exist, that every Christmas you smile helplessly, that birthdays are a time of love, that you've achieved a lot, learned a lot... simply you see proof that good things do happen!

As much as these pictures show you how much time has passed... they remind you that there were a lot of good times...

We can't live without both types of photos... some of them are dreams which we hope they turn into a reality.... and others are reflections of the best times in our lives... both are essential for us...

Photos are very special... I love taking photos and creating photos of what my future can be!

Growing Older…

How does someone grow older?

Is it age? Sometimes I feel it has to do with age… I mean the day I turned 20 I wasn't too excited… and definitely the day I turned 25 wasn't thrilling at all!

However I realized that age isn’t always the indication of growing older…

I mean… there are days when I’m 25 and I feel younger than days when I was 22… if you get what I mean!

And those days when I feel young... I ask myself, why can't I just be that person everyday!? And the answer, I really dunno... I end up being old and grumpy uncontrollably! Like I'm helpless towards this disgusting feeling!

I feel growing older is a state of mind and emotions… Growing older means you worry yourself too much, you push yourself harder than you should, you punish yourself and you judge yourself harsher…

The more we immerse ourselves into problems, the older we get…

The more we worry, the older we get…

When we can’t careless and the weight keeps getting heavier; the older we get…

Telling yourself that you can’t do this because you’re not young anymore is the first sign of growing older…You convince yourself that you’ve grown when you haven’t…

You see yourself as old… although no one else does!

I figured that you can actually be young and spontaneous till the last day of your life… not immature… but young!

Laugh...

Sing...

Dance...

Go out...

Travel...

Take things as they come...

Worry less...

Believe it’ll work out on its own...

Let go of whatever it is that holds you back and makes you feel that way...

Do something stupid every now and then...

Stop being serious all the time...

Don't beat up yourself for things you cannot change...

Stop carrying more than you can hold...

I don’t claim I do that… on the contrary I do the exact opposite… and it pisses me off!

Lately I always feel old… Older than I am… Older than I should be… Emotionally and mentally older… I feel older than I deserve to be... Older than I owe it myself...

I even end up looking and sounding older than I am... people place me into this boring category!

And that just… makes me feel even sadder and hence… older! – sigh!

Kissing 2010 Good Bye….

So, I woke this morning realizing it’ll never be 2010 again, I mentioned before how fast this year has been… and I’m not gonna change my mind about that (it was super fast actually)… but all in all, with it’s good and bad, it’s over... and we’re celebrating!

We’re celebrating our good moments with our families and friends, our accomplishments, our growth, our maturity, our fun memories... we’re celebrating with the ones we’ve got closer to this year and the new friends and people we gained in our life… we’re celebrating the things we’ll be carrying with us to 2011 because we believe they make us happy!

In the same time, we’re trying to get rid and forget the things that upset and hurt us, the wrong decisions we’ve taken, the bad memories of 2010. We make resolutions (that we may not necessarily follow) in hopes of avoiding these things in 2011.

As I mentioned before, I usually end up having the same resolutions every year, so this time I asked people to send me their resolutions… let me share so of the interesting and common ones:

To learn to forgive and forget…

To never hold grudge…

To stop talking to the fools who makes us feel like crap…

To loose weight…

To quit smoking…

To get over ex-es...

To get back to ex-es…

To find the right partner…

To tell the person you love that you love them…

To get married…

To getting the best wedding dress…

To have the wedding of your dreams…

To get kids…

To learn to let go…

To learn to hold on to people who matter to you…

To meet new people...

To know when it's time to let go of people...

To learn how to draw the line...

To learn to say NO...

To be more flexible...

To learn how to make compromises...

To learn how to deal with anger…

To do better in school…

To grow at work…

To change jobs...

To save more...

To work less...

To work more...

To balance your work and personal life...

To peruse higher levels of education…

To never study again…

To start your own business…

To party less…

To party more...

To read more…

To kill fools on the streets…

To cuss the fools on the street less…

To try and make Egypt better…

To get the hell outta here…

To show your family you care about them more…

To always be there for your parents…

To get over the past and move forward...

To get rid of bad habits…

To never change for anyone…

To pray more…

To believe that God does what’s best for you…

To the believe that the best is yet to come…

To cry less…

To laugh more…

To be less depressed…

To never give up or quit…

To take life more seriously...

To take life less seriously...

To have inner peace…

To make better use of time...

To learn to enjoy life…

SO… these are the resolutions I got, surprisingly a lot of people share the same ones and we donno! I think it's easy to guess which ones belong to males and which ones belong to females (as usual, lol)... some are fun, some are serious, some contradict each other and some complete each other...

And whether we manage achieve these resolutions or not... if you think about it, these are things we believe would make us happy, the things that would make us feel better about our life... the things we'd like to change.

Anyhow… 

I wish you all (and myself) a very happy 2011… full of all the stuff that makes us happy, smile and worry free, hopefully less of the stuff that upset us.

Hoping dreams come true, hoping things get better and believing that the best is yet to come. Believing deep down that if you really ask God to make 2011 better for you and to let it go according to His plans rather than yours… it’ll be an amazing year!

Have yourself an amazing evening, have fun and create memories that will last a lifetime… and we’ll be talking again in 2011.

Happy New Year!