2013... Was Different!!

I've been terrible at posting... a year has gone by and I probably wrote less than a hand full of posts... and in all honesty I don't know where the time has gone... I'm usually a better writer when it comes to drama... so as much as it sucks that I haven't been writing... I feel it could be a good sign... means maybe I have had a good year!

So let me take this chance... to just jot down a few thoughts... won't even go back and look at what I wrote or edit it... let's see what comes out..

2013 was a different year for me the least to say. There was the good, the bad and the expected... all in all I have to say... looking back this year has been a one of a kind experience.

Starting off... the whole experience of being away from home for more than the year was unexpected. With this... lots of changes were made. It really gave me the chance to clear my head from so many things and distractions that were blurring my vision.... I let go of anything and anyone who could be holding me back... I had a year of self/quality time.. Which in all honesty, I needed and really enjoyed.

I learned the true meaning of independence... I learned a lot of values. I learned that its really hard to keep in touch with friends and that it is a two way effort... nothing comes easily. I must admit along the way I might have lost some friends! I also learned that others rose up... and became closer to me compared to before. Hence, learning that distance really isn't an element... it really comes down to how much effort you're willing to put in.

I also made new friends... learned to come out of my comfort zone... don't be shy about meeting new people and new experiences. I met people who... right now I cannot imagine how I'd leave them behind. To those friends.. I want to say... in 2014, I'm willing to put in the effort to stay in touch.

I think most important lesson was... not to accept less than one deserves from others.

Work has also been one hell of a change this year. Its been exiting, hectic and crazy... I've enjoyed working for a BIG entity... one that really makes the world a better place... Not just something you'd say in an ad; gives you a whole different sense of self actualization. I travelled around, which is always interesting. I had the chance to live in Dubai for more than a year and a chance to visit Oman, Turkey, NY and Connecticut. All in all, it has been some interesting cultural experience...one I enjoyed and plan to continue to enjoy...

Family... well it was very hard being away from my family for so long. The sense that they need me and I'm not there is a killer. Also the effort to keep the bond regardless of the distance wasn't easy... you learn to value them more... when something happens and you really wish they're here with you... but they're not.

Fun... this year wasn't so bad... I had fun, went around, laughed hard, met new people, went to new places, tried new experiences... may be not all of them were great at the time, but looking back, I enjoyed 2013.

Of course there are always stuff to look forward when you look ahead... I won't make a list of resolutions which are only good on paper... But let me say... Yes! There are  few things I'd like to work on... personally, socially and career wise in 2014. I feel I've spent enough time learning who I am and what I want in life... I learned what makes me happy.

I will not say I wish 2014 to be better than 2013... I'm thankful for my past year with all its good and bad. I'm walking into the new year with a lot of optimism for myself, my family, my career, my friends and my country.

Be thankful for your past year... and I wish everyone a more than AWESOME year to come.

This Is Who I Am!

So let me give you a brief background on who I am if you don't know me. I'm a normal girl; born and raised in Saudi, in fact I lived there 18 years. And then after high school, in 2004, I went back to my home country Egypt for university and soon after my career. I've worked in Egypt a total of 4 years and then I landed a job that allowed me to travel to Dubai for a few months; and that's where I reside now!

BUT that's not the point behind my post!
Here is what really pisses me off; they're actually 2 things:

1. People not understanding that I do miss home while I'm in Dubai. I get that Dubai seems to be more appealing than Egypt at the current time; or even at any possible time; however I do miss home; in fact I love home. And it really annoys me that when I say that people assume I'm not happy here or that I'm crazy to say Egypt is better. You know what! YES! Egypt is sometimes better; at least to me. It's home; it's where my family and friends are and its where I feel secure! YES, I said secure, despite all what you're seeing and reading on the news! So fact is Dubai is a great place to live; I'm not comparing and contrasting... but I do miss home, all the time. And it's even more annoying when people sarcastically say: "oh so you miss the roits," "oh so you miss the MB being in rule," "oh so you miss the terrible traffic," "oh do you miss the polution..." the list can go on forever. Fact is I miss my country with all its good and bad. Call it beauty in the eye of the beholder; but it's my home and I love it and I MISS IT! Being homesick does not make less of Dubai, it just means I love my country a lot even if I'm surrounded with lavish luxury! Also remember that I am here temproraily; so the instability surrounding that makes me miss home even more!
2. Equally annoying; is people not understanding that I do LOVE my childhood in Saudi Arabia. I'm Christain girl and in almost everyone's opinoin this could be the worst combinatoin anyone has to live with in Saudi... but it's not. I probably had a brilliant childhood compared to people who lived anywhere else in the world. People won't get it unless they've been there, but there is something about Saudi that brings people together, closer! That's not just it... I've lived there 18 years! In fact... who I am today comes back to the time I spent in Saudi and how it forumulated my personality. It's my home too... and if people don't get that... at least they can respect it. Saudi is not all about a veil. Ya, you can't party... but there is alot more you can do and tons of memories to live by... and it's not fair that others just belittle it.

Anyways... thats all I wanted to say. I was really annoyed and I had to let it out. Egypt and Saudi are part of who I am. I love them both. I miss them both. And I really don't care if people decide I'm crazy for it.

Egypt... I Miss You!

So you know, no matter how much you complain when you're back home about how you'd love a new  experience and how much you need the change, like that would be the solution to all your problems. Let me tell you that is not always the case.

No matter how happy you are wherever you are and no matter how impressed you are by which ever city you land upon; even if it's supposedly one of the best in the world... you will still be homesick.

And regardless of the many problems and complexities that come along with the baggage of being home; you'd be surprised that when you're home with your family, the people you love and the streets you know best (despite their insanity) you are in your comfort zone. You don't have "major" issues to worry about it. Being away from home and alone makes you worry. Makes you fear things you never thought about and makes you realize what is really important for you.You don't realize how easy your life actually is when you are worry free. And yes, regardless of the never ending mess Egypt is going through, it is EASY!!!

It's home... you can't ask why or how or be surprised, but you just love it to the bones.
In the end there is no place like home.

I'm homesick. 
Being away from you sucks; and having to watch you on the news sucks even more.
I miss my family, my friends, my home, my room, my bed, my car, my old job, Egyptian people, our streets, our smiles, our music in the streets, our problems, our food, our traffic, our spirit, our humor... I miss my comfort zone!

I miss Egypt! I miss home!

The Running Egyptian....

As I drive in my car, air conditioned... complaining about traffic and the increasing price of gas... and probably the annoying commercial breaks on the radio.. I look out the window.... and realize how naive and limited I could sometimes be....

And that is what I see... I see Egyptians running... just running to get by with their day. They spend all their time running, hoping they get through the day!

They wake up and the race begins... they run to buy bread... then run to get to work... then run to catch the bus which for the record is terrible, but its their only option. Let alone that they can run for miles and still miss the crappy bus... humiliating every bit of pride they ever owned!

They graduate and find no job; so they start selling tissue and other random products on the street. And they run like beggars to each car that passes by in hope of getting anything out of them... And maybe one day run into a friend or classmate and sink in embarrassment at how life got him to this stage...

I see little kids working instead of being in schools.... running after each customer for an extra tip...

Old people and handicapped people sitting on street sides hoping someone would give them 50 piasters or something to eat because they didn't find a system that would give them the respect and support they need!

I see people going through trash in hopes they would find something to eat... I see perfectly "once good" youth stealing and then running away like thieves.... I see them break the law and run away in order not to get caught! And as much as I like to call them corrupt... I give them the excuse... because the same guy who steals, is the same guy who would defend the girl in the street if someone was to hurt or harass her...

Sometimes I even see them give up... run away to other countries, or at least try, pay every penny they and their families own and then they either sink in the ocean or die out of grieve... and if they're lucky and they get back "home" they find themselves in places worst than where they left... 

I see all these examples, and as much as get annoyed by them on the spot... I look at them and although I try to say that they're lazy, intolerable people... At first sight I say if they can run around the street all day they can find themselves a job! I criticize them... and then I realize that if they do get a job; they'd get 200 pounds... get 3 jobs; they'd get 600 pounds! But who could live with that for a month given the crazy prices and the on the rise inflation!

So I look at them again and I sympathize with them... Sad, that these once good people have probably turned into criminals, willing-lessly! I try to say they had a choice... but I know I'm kidding myself!

And I try to help... but what would some money do... help them for a day... make them smile today... I try to help further... I try to be more supportive, try to bring about change! But I believe this system is what needs to change!

If I'm depressed and tired of watching them run... how must they feel! Hopeless maybe. I'm sure they'd like to stop running for a while... catch their breath... take a break! At least for a while... so they gain the strength to run again... until maybe one day the stop running, and hopefully that won't mean they're dead... but rather living with dignity! The way "humans" should...

This post was inspired by seeing an Egyptian man run an entire street in hopes of catching the bus and he didn't... and a movie I just saw (Sa3a wa Nos)...

What Do We, Egyptians, Want?

Okay, my opinion will piss off a lot of people... And I will be dissed and regarded as un-revolutionary... but in the so called "democratic" world we're pretending to live in, I'm entitled to express my opinion, regardless of what others WILL or may think...

So,  personally, I don't see anything positive or promising since Jan. 25th, 2011... I keep trying to spot something positive in what has happened and I don't! And this revolution has unfortunately lost my support! And I don't know if I will be to support it again. I honestly have no reason to think positive! 

What have we achieved since then... it's basically nothing? So what we have made a regime step down... what has happened since then... nothing. Are we moving forward, please take a moment to be honest with yourself and answer this question!

What have we gained?

Dying youth...

Moving from one temporary regime to another...

Insecurity...

Random attacks...

Screwed up tourism...

Weak economy...

Lack of productivity...

Massive losses in the stock markets...

Random chaos...
Religious tension...
More unemployment...
Lower wages... 

Yes, what happened, we would have not imagined in a million years... it was a step, people planned and people achieved... but since then... what has happened?! I know... people will tell me I'm not being patient... that its yet too early for us to move forward... but we are moving backward and will continue moving backward... ASK ME WHY? Because we have no clue what the hell we want!!

We praise Shafeek, we damn Shafeek, we ask for Sharaf, we ask him to leave... we celebrate with the army  and how we are one united hand and now we want them to leave DESPERATELY... we want democratic elections and then we cry over their results....

What the hell do we want!?

Why can't we give whoever is in charge a chance to do something?

And now... you want the military to leave?! What next... who will be in charge? Who do you recommend? Because at the rate that we're going we will never be happy with anyone... everyone who comes will be asked to leave in a month or two... And when we finally elect a president? In June or even tomorrow... what makes you think we will accept him or give him a chance to fix things! What makes you think we won't cry over who won the same way we cry over everything! And start this mess all over again! 

Is this sane?

Do you see this as a plan?

How will attacking the Ministry of Interior help with anything? What are we trying to prove? Will it bring back the people who died? Will it help the truth to emerge! Or are we just ruining more buildings that could mean something for the us as Egyptians in the future. Where is the patriotism when we decide to ruin our country! C'mon people! Please! Some logic!

I'm not saying go home! I'm saying at least go back to Tahrir!
Stand peacefully!
Stop the violence....
People are dying!
Am I the only one seeing this! -uff!
Please! 

And now, how is civil disobedience going to solve anything!?

Are we screwing the army or ourselves! 

Do you realize civil disobedience means more lack of productivity and more screwed up economy? More massive stock loss? Do you know that it means that you won't get paid because your manager is a guy who gets paid as well and this is screwing him!  Do you know that you won't find food for your children because factories will STOP production! The country will freeze due to the stoppage of public transport! Every single resource will be a scarce resource! I'm sorry, but this is bullshit! To me at least! 

At the rate we're going, I don't see any hope for stability... And i'm not impatient... I'm speaking about a general attitude... We have no idea what we want!? I'm not exempting myself! No one knows what we want... and as a country this is the worst thing ever!

Where is the plan!? Our wants and requirements are growing! We wanted to put down a regime... and it's down... we keep making up stuff along the way. We keep shifting opinions. We are leaderless... and I doubt we'd agree on any specific route to take... we are in a  political MESS! 

We can't keep changing our plans hoping this one "inshalla" works out!
It won't!

I'm not anti-revolutionary! I was happy when it happened... when I thought we had a plan... when we I thought we knew where we were going... When like most people I was optimistic and had reasons to be hopeful... but now... seriously enough! 

73 people died watching a match for God's sake!

What more are we waiting for! 

We're the only losers in this game! 

And for what!?! 

And where else are we going! When does this end! And is it worth it?

Enough chaos for the sake of the people!

We're not gaining anything except young people dying! 

Every person dead is a family ruined! A family who at the end of the day is left with nothing but pain. Because their loved ones... died for nothing in return.

Please ENOUGH... 

Let's stop... breath... be patient...

And wait for change to happen... in it's normal path...

What will a few months change...

Slow down the chaos... 

Enough demonstrations...

Give us a chance to pick up our pace... 

Develop! Move froward....

Give those people who have promised change a chance to really enforce change!
Allow the people who have died... to have died for a cause!
Give this a cause a room to happen, to be achieved. 

I know, no one will like this.

But in the "democratic" world we currently live in...

I think I'm entitled to say my honest opinion...

And you as a person who asked for democracy... 

You're entitled to accept what I said.

I'm not passive...

I'm not ignorant...
Please all I'm asking is a chance for stability!
I'm begging you! 

I too love my country!
I'm saying this because I love Egypt!
Because I feel bad for what's happening to Egyptians!
Because I want to see Egypt better!

Again... I'm begging you!

My Pre- Jan. 25th Fears...

WARNING: content of this post is naive, superficial and would piss off most political activists.... I acknowledge this and apologize for it, so please don't attack! 

So a year from Jan. 25 and the entire revolutionary road we've been travelling on in Egypt... I look back and think if this revolution has bough us any good! And unfortunately my answer is NO! As much as I would like to think of the so many positive things this revolution has brought upon us; such as freedom, hope and a boost optimism; I would still have to pass!

On the other hand... all I see is dead people, people living with lifetime cruel disabilities, no safety, messed up tourism, a dull tomorrow and my screwed UP social lief! And this post is dedicated to the last point with all the ignorance and simplicity that this sentence carries.

So ever since the so called Jan 25th Revolution my social life has been going a downward slope. My parents have been on a panic frenzy... where any unnecessary road trip (in their wise opinion) has become a taboo. If it's not work or a must go "homework" outing... then most probably they prefer that I stay at home.

Suddenly 8 pm has become late hour... any dark hour is after curfew. Any "outing" that is not in my home zone is simply far. I've forgotten how Mohandesin, Zamalek and Tahrir look like. Suddenly these places have been restricted to "business meetings" only... and trust me if they can ask me to pass on these too, they would have done it!

Going out after work is a "no, no" because it's dark already... going out on weekends is usually done in day light.

Knowing that my friends are out late and want me to join has become a burden. Let alone internal traveling and a wedding or engagement.

My list of 101 excuses of how to skip an outing because it's an unsafe and my parents would freak out has become obvious!

My age and curfew are suddenly having an inverse relationship! And trust me that's not fun! Let alone saying that I have a curfew in first place (but that is something we can discuss later)!

My life is summarized into: work, business meetings, the mall, a birthday, a wedding, the doctor, university, or a funeral because these are the must haves of life... plus a few random outings here and there (and by there I mean a far awayyyyy there) to be honest. Anything else would need debate, discussion and comprise from me, my friends and the universe probably!

Everything has become unsafe! And they do hold some sanity in their argument, I give them that! However I'd have say 85% of it is simply freaking out! But to them, better safe than sorry! And to me, I've chosen to at least buy my own peace of mind and roll with their game! 

My social life has been screwed up... thanks to this revolution. It's honestly annoying me to the bones. If there was a positive trade off in return... I would have seen it and said "okie, my social life got screwed up for a cause and a good reason!" But seriously... I don't see any and I'm just annoyed! Sorry to say! 

So we're almost a year away since Jan. 25th, 2011... and we're all crossing our fingers with what to expect regarding what will happen on the so called Revolution Anniversary. I hope things settle down cause this isn't the life is signed up for... I support the political cause but this really isn't the plan I had for my life... I hope the coming Jan. 25th doesn't screw my life up even more!

So my hopes for the new revolutions are: to get back the security I previously took for granted and gain back my social life!


~ I've warned you! 

"2011"... Hmm... Eventful...

The simplest word the could be used to describe 2011 is eventful...

We've often gone through years and called them "bad years," we often say that when we feel things aren't going too well on the personal level. However, 2011 is really a bad year if you ask anyone... more like on a global level!

The first few days or months of the year were seriously stressing and surprising. Almost everyday a new mind blowing event took place.

So let's overlook what happened this year...

Jan. 1: First few minutes of the year witnessed a terrorist attack on a church in Alexandria, Egypt as people celebrated New Year

Jan. 9 to 15: Southern Sudan referendum took place

Jan 11: flood in Rio de Janeiro

Jan. 14: Tunisian government fell and ex-president Zine El Abdine Ben Ali flees to Saudi Arabia

Jan. 24: Moscow airport bombing

Jan 25: Egyptian Revolution starts

Feb 11: ex-President Hosni Mubarak resigns and Egypt goes under military rule

March 11: earthquake and tsunami in Japan killing more than 15 thousand and more than 4 thousand reported missing

March 15: uprising in Bahrain and state goes under emergency law for months

March 17: uprising in Libya starts asking for government withdrawal and lasts until today...

April 29: Price William and Catherine Middleton get married (finally some good news)!

May 1: Osama Bin Ladin announced dead

June 5: uprising in Yemen and president Ali Abdalla Saleh flees to Saudi Arabia for medical treatment after presidential palace has been under attack

June 12: uprising in Syria to bring down the government starts

July 9: Sudan separated into the North and South

July 20: UN declares famine in South Somalia

July 22: terrorist attack in Norway

July 31: Syrian uprising intensifies, death toll reaches over 3 thousand, still on until today

Aug. 9: first on air trial for ex-president Mubarak

Aug. 20: Libyan uprising intensifies

Sept. 10: Kenya petrol pipeline explodes

Sept. 24: Palestine applies for membership in UN

Sept. 24: a 20 year old 6.5 ton satellite falls into the Pacific Ocean

Oct. 4: car bomb in Somalia leaves 100 people dead

Oct. 4: 283 people dead in Thailand flood

Oct. 5: Steve Jobs passed away

Oct. 9: Maspero, Cairo massacre, leaving at least 28 dead

Oct. 20: Ex-president of Libya, Qaddafi is killed

Oct. 23: Massive earthquake in Turkey killing 603 person

Nov. 22: Egyptian Revolution Re-loaded

Dec. 15: US finally declares an end to the war on Iraq

Dec. 16: Tropical Storm Washi hits Philippines

I wouldn't be surprised if I missed anything major; I tried keeping track... If you wanna add anything please go ahead :)

I'm posting this hours before the end of 2011 and I got to say... I wont be surprised if something else happens before it strikes 12 am! But I'm seriously hoping for the best!

So again; least to say... eventful!

FOCUS at the Time of Trouble...

So everyone in Egypt is fully distracted with all that's happening in the country... I completely and fully understand. I wake up and go to work and part of my mind and heart are elsewhere. I'm worried about the destiny of my country and I'm worried about my future in it.

However, using the current events as an excuse to slack off is really unacceptable! Using the fact that you go to Tahrir and fight for a cause to mess up at work, not be there and perform with carelessness really kills out what you're doing in Tahrir. It's like you're not doing anything! You're trying to fix something, but you're completely screwing the other!

People are fighting for a cause in order to see Egypt move forward; moving forward includes that you  do your job. Doing our jobs is the first and foremost ingredient to this country's success.

I understand there is a lot of blame on the system and government for the deterioration that has taken place over the last few months; however, when people leave their jobs and engage full time in demonstrations this pulls back our economy as well. Let alone freaks out tourists; kills the stock market; allow for chaos; increase debts... should I really go on? And above all, we ask for higher pays!

I'm really annoyed that people are using Tahrir and current events as an excuse to not working! I am distracted,  and it's hard to concentrate with all that is happening, but I still do my job! I force myself to concentrate and perform well for the sake of productivity!!

We can always go after working hours! The square is still there! Waiting for us!

I don't know about you guys; may be some people feel they're fighting for a bigger cause and I totally support the cause! BUT Egypt, for whom all this is happening, is going down the drain and this is freaking me out!

I believe that in time of trouble, as good citizens we need to FOCUS, WORK and be PRODUCTIVE in order to pull Egypt out of the mess its in.

If we want to go to Tahrir to create a revolution, let's do our part first. Do it right and do what is expected of us and then start pointing fingers at those who are not doing their jobs! When you've done your job, at least you have a right to judge others for what they do. If, and only if, you do that... then it's your right to STRIKE!

GIRL in Egypt...

So, let me start by saying this post is not a generalization. BUT at least it is a representation of ME and a few friends I know...

I've realized that as a girl in Egypt, our culture really deprives me from living the life of my dreams. Perhaps this is not the perfect timing to discuss this issue, however, the current situation in Egypt has really driven me to get out these thoughts on paper. Hence, to explain to you what I mean, I'm using the revolution in Egypt as an example.

I really wanted to experience going to Tahrir Square during the January 25 Revolution and my parents decided it is not safe for me as a girl to go. A whole revolution took place in Egypt and it is as if I was in a completely different country. I will not lie or kid myself, most of my desire to go was pushed by curiosity the first time. I wanted to know what Tahrir was all about. I wasn't really upset when I missed going because we were busy discovering what was going on. We had no clue where we were heading. We had a lot to keep us busy and may be I wasn't too sure being in Tahrir was really effective or that it would bring about change!

However, today, I really have a strong urge to go, for a cause, because I really want to say that nothing has really changed, that we're still where we are, just a different disguise. Because I'm sick and tired of what is going on, Egypt is moving from one disaster into another and we're really being treated like fools! Because I really want to have say... because I hate feeling like I'm passive. I want to be like one of these girls in the pictures!

And AGAIN my parents would never let me go! It's as if going would bring them a heart attack, or I'm insane to ask for it, like I'm kidding, it won't happen in a million years! And AGAIN it's like I'm in a different country, like Tahrir is somewhere else! I can't even imagine or visualize the experience. I feel detached from reality and what's happening in my country. I want to feel the adrenaline rush that comes with being in Tahrir Square. I want to expereince what it is like to fight for what I believe in and want. I want to be proactive and participate! And since I have a cause this time, I'm honestly pissed off that I'm stuck at home! It's annoying! I seriously feel restricted.

I mean my life is going on perfectly well as if nothing is happening and people are dying for a cause less than 30 kilometers away! Don't I at least deserve to witness that! A simple right I suppose, to see the change in my country that's making history. Think about it, years from now my kids are studying history and they ask me: Mom where you when all this happened? What were you doing? And my answer will be:  Oh dear, since I'm a woman, I was on the couch watching the news! ARE YOU EFFIN' KIDDING ME!?

Not just that, you think when you grow up and be independent you get to have a say in the life you run for yourself. Let me tell you this is a load of crap! You, as a girl, probably NEVER get independent in this messed up culture!  I'm a real life witness to girls of different ages; older and younger than me and their parents are not allowing them to go as well! Not only that, I know married women whom their husbands are not letting them go either! Even more aggravating, our male friends think it's funny that we want to go and participate in Tahrir! They think we can't run for our lives, that we should go ONLY when things are chilled and fun! I think the pictures on top are a serious example that not all girls go to Tahrir Square to party, brag about being there or take profile pictures! So let me ask: Seriously What the HELL? 

This is just ONE example! You can really apply this to any decision in our life. Our parents, culture, friends, husbands... or WHOEVER really restrict us from doing what we want! What ever it is, you name it, we need to get their approval first, just because we're women. What we work, the places we go, the way we talk, what we say, the friends we have, the clothes we wear, where we travel, when we travel... practically everything is restricted! It's retarded! Seriously as if I'm living someone else is life! If I'm given the choice, I'd run my life a completely different way! 

Sometimes I even hope I never give birth to girls in this culture because it is really a killer!

So let me ask... in this country, in this culture WHEN do I get to do what I want? When do I live the life I want? If I have to keep getting the approval of my parents till I'm married, even if I have to wait till I'm 40 and then I have to wait to get the approval of my husband, if I get married; WHEN does what I want kick in? When do I get to have a say in MY own life! 

~Sigh!

Where Do We Go From Here...

Yesterday after a very long day out, I finally got home...

Personally, like most people I would guess, I was looking forward to relaxing, a good cup of coffee and some cozy time watching TV...

So I walk in, sit with my mom and sister and do some catching up...

At around 11:30 pm we hear gunshots in our street... Right beneath our home! Gun shots flying randomly... 10-20 of them! Everyone in the neighborhood runs to their balconies to check what's happening... We find around 50-70 men with guns, knives and sticks bombarding 2 men because they were trying to steal a car (a newly and common trend now in Egypt since the thugs have gone lose since Jan 25).

So where do we go from here?

When did it become okay for civilians to carry weapons and starting firing once they feel threatened?

Surprisingly... After about 45 minutes  of a gang fight last night... Life resumed in the street as if nothing happened! As if chasing thugs and gun shots flying around have become the usual!

Actually it is the usual!

It has become so likely that you wake up to find your car missing! To come back to find your home robbed! Sometimes we're not there to protect ourselves and sometimes we're there and we try to resist and fight back! Even more you can be stopped with your car or while walking, have a gun or knife held to your head and the thug just asks you to give up all you've got on you! 

So basically it's kill OR get killed! 

Everyone now owns a gun or has some sort of weapon for self defense. Personally I never thought I'd need any sort of self defense in Egypt but now I carry pepper spray. True it won't do much... but at least would give me time to run for my life!

Civilians right now are tempted to take matters in their own hands! Protect themselves! And most probably decide the punishment for the wrong doer on their own! 

No can blame them for carrying around unliscenced guns or for killing someone when they feel threatened!

Our country has managed to turn its civilians into thugs! And you can't blame the people! After all you do what you have to do to keep safe and alive!

This is where we are and no one knows where we're going! 

I really have no clue! But something in me tells me we moving a downward slope!

I'm PISSED!

So... me being a Copt in Egypt... I can clearly admit that this post will be biased!

But I'm seriously and honestly pissed at whatever is happening in Egypt... and particularly to us as a minority group, and yes we are a minority treated like a minority! I keep trying to keep politics outside my blog but with every passing day the situation is getting worst and worst and it is becoming unavoidable! And ignoring it just means I'm another hypocrite!

Let me flash back to Jan. 25... Egyptian Christians, or let me say most or some of them, were accused of being passive... that they don't care about their "home" land... that they don't want to participate in creating a "better future" for themselves... that they are watchers not do-ers... that we are supportive of the old regime... that they're leaving other people die and will later enjoy lavish "freedom!"

Let me just say: BULL SHIT!!

Personally I knew this would happen to Christians as a minority when all this instability started to erupt... personally I saw it coming, probably we as Christians all did... and personally I'm not gonna pretend I'm happy about this revolution just to fit in with the majority and avoid being attacked as a corrupt member of the "old regime!"

And I don't give a damn who is behind these attacks! I don't care if they're the Muslim Brotherhood, the Salfis, remains of the old regime, the mob, the police or even a bunch of WACKOS! I don't care if it's just a small group of uneducated people who lead to such events! The end result is the same!

And what are we doing about it?!? Waiting for the next attack to happen!

What I care about is that Christians are being killed day after day, using all sorts of random and retarded excuses... before who ever attacked a Christian was defined as mentality and emotionally unstable! - as if! And now, it's always about a woman who converted! Don't you think it's degrading to the human mind and to the pride of Christians when it's simplified to this extent!!!

And I still have to smile and state: it's not racism, it's not an attack on a minority group... I have to pretend I'm okay with it and I have to go along with the flow and say: we're fine, nothing is wrong, this is just a little political tension, some external foreign agenda, the "bad guys of the old regime are messing with our heads trying to mess up the love and stability, our beautiful coexistence....

Seriously again: BULL SHIT!!

Every time something happens... I look at this post and I ask myself: do I post it? Do I loose the fake face that I pull up of it being a phase bound to end... Do I risk upsetting good friends because I'm pissed!? But seriously enough is enough... things are really getting too far!

I won't speak about the previously unjustified attacks on Christians... like Jan 2010 Christmas Attack in Nag Hamady and the Jan 2011 New Year attack in Alex and the "mentality instable" who decided to shoot 4 Christians in a train... let's forget about these... let's speak post Jan. 25... after Egypt regained it's so called freedom!

Let's see "just the main" incidents that took place: the burning down of the Atfeeh Church... the attack on Christian residents in Mokattam... cutting the ear of a Christian man in Elmenia... the persistent roits that the Christian governor of Qena leaves... Pope Shenoda being openly insulted... reports on missing Christian girls... a Coptic Priest being killed in his home in upper Egypt... random rumors about girls who converted... direct announcements and threats to attack Christian churches, disgusting rumors about churches and priests... attacks on 2 churches in Imbaba... and yesterday the mob attacks Christian protesters! And trust me there is a lot more!

All this over 2 or 3 months! Seriously is this logical, acceptable or fair to anyone!!

Are we expected to live with it?

Make peace with those who offend us, kill us and cut off our ears!! Shake hands and pretend as if nothing happened?

Seriously when is it enough... people are dying every freakin' day and we still fail to accept that it is hate crime!

When did it become okay to verbally insult religious figures, when did attacking churches become identified as a phase of political tension... and we're supposed to smile about it and say it'll pass!

Seriously.. what the hell!

Do you have any idea how hurtful and painful it is to endure this?!?

I avoid speaking about the topic because I've reached a point where I'm not sure I'll be diplomatic and tolerant... I'm no longer sure I'll be able to maintain objectivity... and when we object, when we demand action... it's not the right time to mention religious discrimination in Egypt... Egypt has enough to handle!

- sigh!

If places were shifted... if Sheikhs were insulted and mosques were attacked... I'm sure things would have been TOTALLY different!

It is becoming ridiculous! Who knows which church is next?! When did it become okay to be scared while going to pray!??

The situation is becoming sickening... too sickening! It is shameful and disgusting... it is frightening... Every day is worst than the day before!

Egypt is supposed to be my "home" and this is not how a person is supposed to feel at home! This home has nothing to do with stability, security and safety! And as much as this is sad... as much as I am pissed off and I cannot hide it anymore!

Waking Up To A Different Egypt…

GOOD MORNING!!

No one can deny that on February 12th, 2011 we all woke up to a completely different Egypt…

I won’t claim that I was one of the people in Tahrir Square, because I wasn't… but anyone in Egypt or outside can agree that January 25, 2011 until February 11, 2011 really made history in Egypt…

Throughout this revolution, every time some changes were made I would think to myself “WOW, who thought this would happen in Egypt.” And I’d tell myself, “That’s it… what more do the people want… we’ve already taken leaps of advancement, they should know that’s all we’re getting. It’s time to go home!”

BUT… the people were determined and they had a BIGGER dream and they were persistent to achieve it…

February 11, 2011, around 6 p.m., The BIG announcement was made… the success of the Jan. 25th Revolution was announced… the people accomplished what they’ve dreamed for and worked very hard to achieve!



The "power of the people" proved to be stronger than anything else... their amazing will proved to miraculous...

I cannot begin to describe the look and feel of the Egyptian streets… it was beyond words can tell… you’d have to be there to know it… but it was unbelievable!

My reaction was quite delayed… I fell in complete and utter silence because I confused... I personally had very mixed feelings.

Disbelief… I wouldn’t have thought in a million years that the Mubarak regime would end, and above all end this way….

Happiness… for it was a successful revolution made by the people for the people no question asked…

Thankfulness... for all those who helped bring about this historical change...

Pride… for living and seeing this achievement and for knowing what Egyptians are capable of…

Relief... for knowing that those who died during these 18 days didn't die in vain... and again I send my gratitude, respect and condolences to their families and beloved ones...

Uncertainty… for we don’t know what is happening next… and I don’t think there will be certainty until September 2011 when we have a better vision for the future and things begin to stabilize...

Sadness… for I wished people would show a little more respect to someone who has served the country for over 30 years on many different levels, even if the system had many downfalls… He has been Egypt’s symbol for very long… and deep down I still really wished for a better exit for him…

Regret… For I have been very passive in the past… I have witnessed the change and not taken part in it… perhaps because deep down I never thought it would happen; now I know I’m wrong…

Optimism… for a better a future for Egypt…

Fear... for I'm worried we regret any of this in the future...

Trust… for now I know Egyptian people are stronger and more confident than before and they will not allow the country move anywhere but forward…

An even BIGGER trust… for I know God will never leave Egypt alone and that all will work for the benefit of the people and the country… 

What happened yesterday is a HUGE success no question asked… however, I feel it’s the beginning of a loooooooong way to go for all of us…

We will have a new president which we hope would lead us to a better Egypt, but we need to work on ourselves as well to making Egypt better for us and no one else… all the little things that we don’t think they matter, they do…

Let us clean up the roads, listen to each other, respect each other, accept our differences, follow the traffic, show respect to people of all sorts of standards, help build Egypt, invest in the stock, travel internally, be fair, work ethically, smile at each other, be there for each other... and all the things we know we used to ignore before simply because everyone else was doing them... let's stop them because they all matter... and changing them will help us move forward!

This change is enormous… and it’ll take forever to happen again! So let’s make the best use out of it…

Let’s pray for Egypt… we have a long way to go… let’s come out of this experience stronger and more united so we can move forward…

Again… today I woke up knowing Egypt is different… knowing things will never be the same again… and although my feelings are still mixed up, I’m hoping it all works well for our country…

Long Live Egypt and God Bless Egypt At All Times…

A Roller Coaster of Egyptian Events…

So, I don’t need to explain what has been going on in Egypt ‘cause I’m pretty sure the whole world knows it quiet well...

I won’t get into which side I’m on or what I think should happen 'cause first of all pre-Jan 25th politics were the last thing on my mind (sadly and admittedly). So this post is the farthest from that… In addition, we’re at a point where we should just respect our differences and regardless just think of what’s best for our country internally, externally and how we & others look and respect our country…

We’ve been in an unexpected & unprecedented series of events since January 25th, 2011. Some of them were good, some of them were sad, some of them were steps forwards, others were leaps backwards, some meant a sense of satisfaction for people who were able to bring about unexpected and historical change, for others it meant devastation for losing a loved one…

All in all, regardless what side people are on, we are all shocked… confused… and we definitely don’t know what to expect next… where this whole thing is going and when it’ll come to an end…

Tomorrow, I’ll be going back to work, after 9 days at home…

I have to say I’m little taken back with what to expect… and it sucks that the Egyptian streets feel scary…our streets were never quite... I hate the feeling that they're deserted... I hate that every time we hear a noise in the streets we run to the windows worried...

I’m worried about the lack of police, I’m worried about prisoners roaming around, I’m worried that men standing in the streets (legan sha3baya) protecting us get things out of hand (not and never will ignore their efforts, they are thankfully the reason for our safety until today), I’m worried that unpeaceful riots break out anywhere…

I'm devastated Egyptians are fighting each other, I'm heartbroken to all those we have lost during these events (I really really hope God grants their families the strength to move on because these people are going through a whole lot of emotions and feelings that we are not aware of)... I'm deeply worried about an internal or external conspiracy against our country and people...

I'm worried about our economic losses; I'm worried about all those who have lost their jobs and sources of income... I'm upset about all the damaged places...

The look of the military in the streets is making me feel uneasy… it’s giving me this weird gut feeling… thankfully they are protecting us, but... I dunno I just feel tensed...

This inability to breathe easily is just killing and frustrating me... This feeling of betrayal and weakness is just making me sad...

I’m just so disappointed to the whole situation in Egypt… And don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful to all the positive changes that took place in Egypt, I'm not and never will belittle them, and I know they’ve got a price…

BUT…

I want the safety back… I want the peace back… I want us to go back to being EGYPT… I can’t explain, but I know some of you know what I mean… I just want EGYPT back… firmly standing EGYPT back…

I want people not to worry about walking around the streets, I want to be able to come home any time I want, I don’t want to have this inner scare or uncertainty ‘cause I don’t know what to expect… I really don’t want to go to sleep and wake up racing to see the news… I want people from all over the world to come back and feel safe in our land...

YET...

In the middle of all that, Egyptians have grown this amazing bond between each other and I hope it lasts. Regardless which side we’re politically on, I hope it lasts… we’ve grown closer to one another, we protected each other, we cared about each other...

We forgot all the differences that drive us apart and really stuck with one another… we realized how much we really love this country… and how much we hate seeing it go down and how much we’re willing to protect each other and our country and how much we'd love to see it better...

And trust me this unity and love for our country is what will make us go through… let’s try and make the best use out of it… for the sake of Egypt and nothing else….

I don’t know what to expect next and I can’t claim I know it or that anyone does… I just hope that whatever happens, happens for the best... for Egypt, for its people…

God bless OUR country for real…

Torn Between Space...

Some of you might have read this poem before; it's one of the very first poems I ever wrote... I was leaving Saudi Arabia, where I spent 18 years of my life... And I think I'm just missing those days, the people, the place...

Born and lived in a place,
Now I'm heading to a different case,
I'll miss it, thou I hated it,
I won't be able to go back,
As if erased!
But only by name,
Not in the Heart,
All the time spent,
And all the friends made,
Will be a history never replaced,
Left behind,
With my memories as the only trace,
A truth that has to be faced.
Why didn't I live on the land of my race?
Then this day wouldn't come,
When I'll be torn between the space,
A land where my childhood was,
And a land where my future is yet to be placed,
All I can say is that.... I'm Scared!

Sometimes I question if I'm still at this crossroad!

Sometimes I wanna walk around my old street, my old school... it's nice to able to visit old places... and I can't do it... It's as if I'm restricted from my own childhood!

I miss Saudi... Old is truly gold, never replaced!

A Christmas Unlike Any Christmas...

This Christmas was unlike any Christmas; actually the last two Christmases in Egypt were packed with feelings of sadness and grieve...

We as Coptic Christians celebrate Christmas on January 7th, based on the Julian calendar.

Although Christmas is known to be a time of happiness and joy, this time we could not help but mourn for those killed and injured during the most recent terrorist attack that took place in Egypt on New Year's Eve in Saints Church in Alexandria, Egypt.

This Christmas people were not able to be as happy because their hearts were broken and filled with sorrow, Christmas tree lights were off and people could not greet each other because they knew elsewhere in Egypt people were still fighting the shock of the experience they went through, forgetting what it means to smile, people wept in church as they attended Christmas mass.

Perhaps people were not even over the events that took place last Christmas when seven people were killed in a terrorist attack in Church in Naga'a Hamady, Egypt.

Instead of celebrating Christmas, the church, the Pope and the people received condolences for its lost children and sadly had the first year memorial for those we lost the year before...

Yet in spite that all, it is in fact a celebration for the birth of Christ, we tried our best to rejoice, we prayed, we raised our voices to God, all of us with one wish for Christmas... it might have been said different, yet it all revolved around one meaning...

"Lord, please grant us all peace. Please keep us safe in the times to come. Egypt can’t afford more trouble. The people can’t afford more sadness. May all those we lost on New Year and last Christmas rest in peace, let them pray for us as they join You in heaven. Grant their families the patience to deal with their departure. Help those injured get better, give them the strength to move on and to live with the new challenges they have been blessed and destined with. Let this Christmas be a chance for us to move on and for things to get better. Don’t leave us in despair. Let us rejoice. Amen."

Christmas is still Christmas; and although our hearts carry a lot of pain, it's a time of joy, time of love, time for family and friends to get together...

We thank everyone who helped make this Christmas special, who helped make people smile, who helped us feel some joy.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Egypt Weeps...

2011 in Egypt took off roughly...

20 minutes into the New Year a terrorist attack took place in Alexandria, Egypt leaving 21 dead (so far) and over 90 injured…

In fact people's wishes of having "a blast" on New Year's Eve were indeed true... an actual blast came along taking away the lives of many... leaving others wishing they had died because they have to live with the departure of very loved ones, the scare of an unforgettable experience, a scar that would remind them every day with what they've been through, a disability that would change who they are and how they live, a nightmare that would take long or might never leave their sleep...

All those who were in Saints Church in Alexandria, Egypt on January 1, 2011 at 12:20 a.m. will never be the same people again...

An unexplainable terrorist attack that shocked everyone and left everyone hurt and questioning why do innocent people praying in church, welcoming the New Year in peaceful hymns and hopeful prayers for a better year to come would be attacked and brutally murdered

An attack that left people with a feel of insecurity…

An attack that left people questioning what is yet to come…

An attack that is scaring people from going to church and practicing one of their basic rights…

An attack that could lead Egypt to the road of fragmentation…

An attack that has left many people in fear and sorrow...

We in Egypt are all in great despair and sadness as to where we have reached and to the possible impacts of such an attack. We are disappointed, angry and in shock… we are grieving… actually I can’t find the right word to express how we feel… we are mourning our loss of people and where we are today.

I personally send my condolences to all those affected by such an event even if they might not hear it or see it and I personally thank everyone who has shown their support because in one way or the other this event brought people in Egypt closer together because no one would disagree that what has happened is inhumane.

We pray wholeheartedly that this would be the last of such events… we pray for the families of those killed and injured; we pray that they have the strength to live with what happened and what is yet to come...

Yet we envy Alexandria’s Martyrs for they are lucky have died in house of God… They have reunited with God and are praying for us in heaven, assuring us that we will not be forgotten here on earth and that God will not leave His children in despair for long…

I said in my last post we should all start 2011 by, "believing deep down that if you really ask God to make 2011 better for you and to let it go according to His plans rather than yours… it’ll be an amazing year!" We must all rest assured that God will make things better for us.

Let’s all pray for a better, safer, sounder and more peaceful Egypt…

Egypt weeps today but happy tears will come, after all the Lord himself said, “Blessed is Egypt…” (In Isaiah 19:25); we will be blessed; may be not now, not today, not tomorrow... but we will be blessed.





"May all the souls of those who passed away rest in peace and may God grant all those injured and all their families the strength to move on. Amen."

The Two Boys Who Make Me Smile...

The two boys who make me smile are the very same two boys who make me cry…

Almost every day, as I drive back from work I see them… The most two gorgeous boys anyone could possibly look at… they’re probably brothers, aged 8 and 5… and they are just so overwhelming…

You look at them and you can tell that all they have is each other…

Well, they’re street children… but I dunno what to do or how to help…

Sometimes I smile… sometimes I try to do a little more… it does make them happy, maybe for just a few seconds… but that’s it; which is really nothing…

I was once driving and I passed right next to them and the little one was sitting half on the sidewalk and half on the street where all the cars were moving… so I told him, “at least sit entirely on the sidewalk so you don’t get hurt.” - like that's a smart thing to say...

I kept an eye on him in the reverse mirror; for minute he stared at my car and then he got up and tried to find a safe spot to sit in… dude… all that kid needs is someone to take care of him and it makes me sad!

It pisses me off that a little kid should be carrying such heavy weight on his shoulders…

And as much seeing them care for each other makes me smile… as much as it kills me inside that every day the innocence on their faces is wearing out…

And believe me, when I pass by and they’re not there, I can’t wait till the next day to see if they’ll be there… as if maybe being on the street right there is possibly a safe place… but at least I know they’re there and not anywhere worst…

– sighs…