GIRL in Egypt...

So, let me start by saying this post is not a generalization. BUT at least it is a representation of ME and a few friends I know...

I've realized that as a girl in Egypt, our culture really deprives me from living the life of my dreams. Perhaps this is not the perfect timing to discuss this issue, however, the current situation in Egypt has really driven me to get out these thoughts on paper. Hence, to explain to you what I mean, I'm using the revolution in Egypt as an example.

I really wanted to experience going to Tahrir Square during the January 25 Revolution and my parents decided it is not safe for me as a girl to go. A whole revolution took place in Egypt and it is as if I was in a completely different country. I will not lie or kid myself, most of my desire to go was pushed by curiosity the first time. I wanted to know what Tahrir was all about. I wasn't really upset when I missed going because we were busy discovering what was going on. We had no clue where we were heading. We had a lot to keep us busy and may be I wasn't too sure being in Tahrir was really effective or that it would bring about change!

However, today, I really have a strong urge to go, for a cause, because I really want to say that nothing has really changed, that we're still where we are, just a different disguise. Because I'm sick and tired of what is going on, Egypt is moving from one disaster into another and we're really being treated like fools! Because I really want to have say... because I hate feeling like I'm passive. I want to be like one of these girls in the pictures!

And AGAIN my parents would never let me go! It's as if going would bring them a heart attack, or I'm insane to ask for it, like I'm kidding, it won't happen in a million years! And AGAIN it's like I'm in a different country, like Tahrir is somewhere else! I can't even imagine or visualize the experience. I feel detached from reality and what's happening in my country. I want to feel the adrenaline rush that comes with being in Tahrir Square. I want to expereince what it is like to fight for what I believe in and want. I want to be proactive and participate! And since I have a cause this time, I'm honestly pissed off that I'm stuck at home! It's annoying! I seriously feel restricted.

I mean my life is going on perfectly well as if nothing is happening and people are dying for a cause less than 30 kilometers away! Don't I at least deserve to witness that! A simple right I suppose, to see the change in my country that's making history. Think about it, years from now my kids are studying history and they ask me: Mom where you when all this happened? What were you doing? And my answer will be:  Oh dear, since I'm a woman, I was on the couch watching the news! ARE YOU EFFIN' KIDDING ME!?

Not just that, you think when you grow up and be independent you get to have a say in the life you run for yourself. Let me tell you this is a load of crap! You, as a girl, probably NEVER get independent in this messed up culture!  I'm a real life witness to girls of different ages; older and younger than me and their parents are not allowing them to go as well! Not only that, I know married women whom their husbands are not letting them go either! Even more aggravating, our male friends think it's funny that we want to go and participate in Tahrir! They think we can't run for our lives, that we should go ONLY when things are chilled and fun! I think the pictures on top are a serious example that not all girls go to Tahrir Square to party, brag about being there or take profile pictures! So let me ask: Seriously What the HELL? 

This is just ONE example! You can really apply this to any decision in our life. Our parents, culture, friends, husbands... or WHOEVER really restrict us from doing what we want! What ever it is, you name it, we need to get their approval first, just because we're women. What we work, the places we go, the way we talk, what we say, the friends we have, the clothes we wear, where we travel, when we travel... practically everything is restricted! It's retarded! Seriously as if I'm living someone else is life! If I'm given the choice, I'd run my life a completely different way! 

Sometimes I even hope I never give birth to girls in this culture because it is really a killer!

So let me ask... in this country, in this culture WHEN do I get to do what I want? When do I live the life I want? If I have to keep getting the approval of my parents till I'm married, even if I have to wait till I'm 40 and then I have to wait to get the approval of my husband, if I get married; WHEN does what I want kick in? When do I get to have a say in MY own life! 

~Sigh!

Complexity of Human Emotions...

Sometimes I really wish all people were equal to me... No one was more special than the other, no one was differentiated... No one was more loved or more hated....

And why is that... it's because of the complexity of human emotions... or perhaps it is just my complexity... I really dunno!

But some stuff do make me wonder...

Sometimes we argue with someone and we're completely okay with it; we speak after weeks or months (or we never do) and the whole thing doesn't even bother us... but come to argue the same exact argument with someone else and it's all you can think about and not speaking to them for several hours seems like the worst thing that has ever happened to you...

With other people, things just don't work out well for any random reason... and you really don't care or give 2 hoots; but on the other hand... things don't work out with someone else and you stay for days and nights, months and even years saying what if they had worked out... what if I did things differently, what if I was more patient... what if what if what if...

Sometimes we end things at a bad note with others and we really don't give a crap about how bad we might look to them and what they might think of us... but on the other hand, with someone else you really work hard on proving that you're a good person, you still care what they think although it won't ever work out and deep down you want to go back and change the way things ended...

How come sometimes you feel you were rude to someone (intentionally or unintentionally) and you are okay with it; while others... you beat yourself up for it every time you remember!

How come you give up on some people and it doesn't even cross your mind that you did, but others, you keep wishing everyday you were more patient, you keep telling yourself you didn't give them enough space or time... you keep asking yourself how on Earth did I give up on such a valuable person?

How come it's so easy to tell some people it's over, but others, you're not able to speak the words 'cause you're too scared of losing them?

How come we sometimes don't speak to people for years and then you remember it's their birthday and you quickly pick up the phone and wish them; while others.... no matter how much you want to make the call, you just can't get yourself to do it 'cause "hypothetically," you've moved on...

Actually, how come we sometimes forget the birthdays of our direct family members, but others, whom no longer exist in our lives we still remember their birthday every single year...

Why is it that some people just don't leave any sort of print in your life, but others, when you meet someone with their same name... you get lost for a few minutes in your own world of thoughts and you either frown or smile...

And how come, it easy to tell some people how much you love them, miss them and how life would be hell without them but others... you can't say it 'cause you're trying really hard to hide the fact that you do love them, miss them and that life without them is living hell 'cause you're the only one who knows that to that particular person these words mean differently?

How come some people that were once very close to you, now don't matter anymore and it doesn't bother you, but others, that you might have never really seen before matter so much and you keep wishing you really got to know them better?

How is it that there are people so close to us and we speak to them everyday then all of a sudden we get distant and you accept moving on; but others, letting go seems to be the hardest thing ever?

How come we sometimes see the rationale behind something not working out and the need to end things, but with others... grasping that parting ways is the right thing to do is just beyond your imagination and capabilities?

How come some people walk in and out of our lives and we never look back, but others, you might know the for an hour, a day or a year and they are able to cross your mind every single day as you open your eyes and before you go to sleep.

This list can go on forever really...

Sometimes I wish all people were equal to me... I love caring about people and I love having special people in my life that matter to me... but it has its downfalls too! Sometimes I wish that with all people once things are over and done I don't look back, I don't think twice and I don't say what if... But the point is... they're all people who walked out of our lives... people who took their chances one way or the other and left... things have ended because of you or them... the point is it ended and it's over! So in fact they are equal... but it's the complexity of our emotions that makes it harder from one person to the other...

And I wonder if some people who really do/did matter to me, but things did not work out with them for any reason... am I someone they look back to and remember or was it an easy case to them that they never flash back to... do they ever ask what if?

The only thing I'm sure of is that I really DO NOT want to know the answer to this last question!