The "Message!"

We often have unanswered questions that we would like to find answers for. We over work our brains trying to analyze the situation in order to come out with the possible scenario we should follow. Even more; sometimes we already know the RIGHT answer but we try to find ways around in order to satisfy an inner desire or will that we have.

And that's OKAY! We all do that! It's part of the complicated people we've actually turned out to be. 

But fact is, when it comes down to it... we know the right answer! We know their is right and wrong! We know that what we want is really not the best for us. BUT we fight it so hard; we resist.

Denial creates this amazing bubble around us, making what we do seem like the right thing to do... telling us to enjoy the moment; do what feels good; that we only live once; that there is nothing wrong with stepping outside our comfort zones for a bit; that throwing the Rule Book away sometimes is okay!

BUT then... you get the MESSAGE!
And this message comes like a BIG stab in the heart! Reminding you that you're not on the right track! Flashing right in front of your eyes how you'd end up if you continue living in that bubble. The exact fruit you'd be yielding at the end. It comes right there out of the blue, as if God is sending you a clear message, slapping you in the face to wake up, get up and do something to change the situation around.

And don't be surprised how this message comes across. It could be in a direct form, like something you read in the Bible! Or indirect like a conversation you overhear; a movie you see; a book you read; a song you hear; a show you watch; a joke you hear! But the irony of the situation is that once you see or hear the message, something in you pinches! It hits right on the spot. And it hurts! It's like the message is speaking to you directly!

At first it frustrates you... then you think... then you realize... and finally you decide how you'd react!

The message can come to you as a rescue, reinforcing something you've been wanting to do for a while. OR you may hate it; because AT LEAST you didn't want that message right now. You wanted to enjoy your denial just a little longer!

And there are two scenarios to how you'd react to the message... 
Your guilt conscious drives you nuts and you go back on track...
OR you fall into deeper denial, telling yourself it was just coincidence... and you move in the direction where you were going. And if that happens; I'm not exactly sure when the next message comes along. If another rescue would be on the way.

I'm the first type of people. My conscious can seriously eat me up alive! Sometimes like a party pooper because denial is sometimes an awesome place to be at! But because I know that this was the right thing all along... I thank God for the message! The sooner, the better. Before the lie you're living turn into reality... before it is too late to withdraw... before the consequences become to hard to handle.

When I get the message I right away act upon it even if it may mean I get out of the amazing bubble sometimes! 

Waking Up To A Different Egypt…

GOOD MORNING!!

No one can deny that on February 12th, 2011 we all woke up to a completely different Egypt…

I won’t claim that I was one of the people in Tahrir Square, because I wasn't… but anyone in Egypt or outside can agree that January 25, 2011 until February 11, 2011 really made history in Egypt…

Throughout this revolution, every time some changes were made I would think to myself “WOW, who thought this would happen in Egypt.” And I’d tell myself, “That’s it… what more do the people want… we’ve already taken leaps of advancement, they should know that’s all we’re getting. It’s time to go home!”

BUT… the people were determined and they had a BIGGER dream and they were persistent to achieve it…

February 11, 2011, around 6 p.m., The BIG announcement was made… the success of the Jan. 25th Revolution was announced… the people accomplished what they’ve dreamed for and worked very hard to achieve!



The "power of the people" proved to be stronger than anything else... their amazing will proved to miraculous...

I cannot begin to describe the look and feel of the Egyptian streets… it was beyond words can tell… you’d have to be there to know it… but it was unbelievable!

My reaction was quite delayed… I fell in complete and utter silence because I confused... I personally had very mixed feelings.

Disbelief… I wouldn’t have thought in a million years that the Mubarak regime would end, and above all end this way….

Happiness… for it was a successful revolution made by the people for the people no question asked…

Thankfulness... for all those who helped bring about this historical change...

Pride… for living and seeing this achievement and for knowing what Egyptians are capable of…

Relief... for knowing that those who died during these 18 days didn't die in vain... and again I send my gratitude, respect and condolences to their families and beloved ones...

Uncertainty… for we don’t know what is happening next… and I don’t think there will be certainty until September 2011 when we have a better vision for the future and things begin to stabilize...

Sadness… for I wished people would show a little more respect to someone who has served the country for over 30 years on many different levels, even if the system had many downfalls… He has been Egypt’s symbol for very long… and deep down I still really wished for a better exit for him…

Regret… For I have been very passive in the past… I have witnessed the change and not taken part in it… perhaps because deep down I never thought it would happen; now I know I’m wrong…

Optimism… for a better a future for Egypt…

Fear... for I'm worried we regret any of this in the future...

Trust… for now I know Egyptian people are stronger and more confident than before and they will not allow the country move anywhere but forward…

An even BIGGER trust… for I know God will never leave Egypt alone and that all will work for the benefit of the people and the country… 

What happened yesterday is a HUGE success no question asked… however, I feel it’s the beginning of a loooooooong way to go for all of us…

We will have a new president which we hope would lead us to a better Egypt, but we need to work on ourselves as well to making Egypt better for us and no one else… all the little things that we don’t think they matter, they do…

Let us clean up the roads, listen to each other, respect each other, accept our differences, follow the traffic, show respect to people of all sorts of standards, help build Egypt, invest in the stock, travel internally, be fair, work ethically, smile at each other, be there for each other... and all the things we know we used to ignore before simply because everyone else was doing them... let's stop them because they all matter... and changing them will help us move forward!

This change is enormous… and it’ll take forever to happen again! So let’s make the best use out of it…

Let’s pray for Egypt… we have a long way to go… let’s come out of this experience stronger and more united so we can move forward…

Again… today I woke up knowing Egypt is different… knowing things will never be the same again… and although my feelings are still mixed up, I’m hoping it all works well for our country…

Long Live Egypt and God Bless Egypt At All Times…

A Roller Coaster of Egyptian Events…

So, I don’t need to explain what has been going on in Egypt ‘cause I’m pretty sure the whole world knows it quiet well...

I won’t get into which side I’m on or what I think should happen 'cause first of all pre-Jan 25th politics were the last thing on my mind (sadly and admittedly). So this post is the farthest from that… In addition, we’re at a point where we should just respect our differences and regardless just think of what’s best for our country internally, externally and how we & others look and respect our country…

We’ve been in an unexpected & unprecedented series of events since January 25th, 2011. Some of them were good, some of them were sad, some of them were steps forwards, others were leaps backwards, some meant a sense of satisfaction for people who were able to bring about unexpected and historical change, for others it meant devastation for losing a loved one…

All in all, regardless what side people are on, we are all shocked… confused… and we definitely don’t know what to expect next… where this whole thing is going and when it’ll come to an end…

Tomorrow, I’ll be going back to work, after 9 days at home…

I have to say I’m little taken back with what to expect… and it sucks that the Egyptian streets feel scary…our streets were never quite... I hate the feeling that they're deserted... I hate that every time we hear a noise in the streets we run to the windows worried...

I’m worried about the lack of police, I’m worried about prisoners roaming around, I’m worried that men standing in the streets (legan sha3baya) protecting us get things out of hand (not and never will ignore their efforts, they are thankfully the reason for our safety until today), I’m worried that unpeaceful riots break out anywhere…

I'm devastated Egyptians are fighting each other, I'm heartbroken to all those we have lost during these events (I really really hope God grants their families the strength to move on because these people are going through a whole lot of emotions and feelings that we are not aware of)... I'm deeply worried about an internal or external conspiracy against our country and people...

I'm worried about our economic losses; I'm worried about all those who have lost their jobs and sources of income... I'm upset about all the damaged places...

The look of the military in the streets is making me feel uneasy… it’s giving me this weird gut feeling… thankfully they are protecting us, but... I dunno I just feel tensed...

This inability to breathe easily is just killing and frustrating me... This feeling of betrayal and weakness is just making me sad...

I’m just so disappointed to the whole situation in Egypt… And don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful to all the positive changes that took place in Egypt, I'm not and never will belittle them, and I know they’ve got a price…

BUT…

I want the safety back… I want the peace back… I want us to go back to being EGYPT… I can’t explain, but I know some of you know what I mean… I just want EGYPT back… firmly standing EGYPT back…

I want people not to worry about walking around the streets, I want to be able to come home any time I want, I don’t want to have this inner scare or uncertainty ‘cause I don’t know what to expect… I really don’t want to go to sleep and wake up racing to see the news… I want people from all over the world to come back and feel safe in our land...

YET...

In the middle of all that, Egyptians have grown this amazing bond between each other and I hope it lasts. Regardless which side we’re politically on, I hope it lasts… we’ve grown closer to one another, we protected each other, we cared about each other...

We forgot all the differences that drive us apart and really stuck with one another… we realized how much we really love this country… and how much we hate seeing it go down and how much we’re willing to protect each other and our country and how much we'd love to see it better...

And trust me this unity and love for our country is what will make us go through… let’s try and make the best use out of it… for the sake of Egypt and nothing else….

I don’t know what to expect next and I can’t claim I know it or that anyone does… I just hope that whatever happens, happens for the best... for Egypt, for its people…

God bless OUR country for real…

Torn Between Space...

Some of you might have read this poem before; it's one of the very first poems I ever wrote... I was leaving Saudi Arabia, where I spent 18 years of my life... And I think I'm just missing those days, the people, the place...

Born and lived in a place,
Now I'm heading to a different case,
I'll miss it, thou I hated it,
I won't be able to go back,
As if erased!
But only by name,
Not in the Heart,
All the time spent,
And all the friends made,
Will be a history never replaced,
Left behind,
With my memories as the only trace,
A truth that has to be faced.
Why didn't I live on the land of my race?
Then this day wouldn't come,
When I'll be torn between the space,
A land where my childhood was,
And a land where my future is yet to be placed,
All I can say is that.... I'm Scared!

Sometimes I question if I'm still at this crossroad!

Sometimes I wanna walk around my old street, my old school... it's nice to able to visit old places... and I can't do it... It's as if I'm restricted from my own childhood!

I miss Saudi... Old is truly gold, never replaced!

The Opposite Of What I Say…

There is this quote that I’ve come across over the past while and I honestly don’t know who said or came up with it, but it became known across Facebook and it got me thinking; so here is how it goes...

"There's always a little truth behind every 'just KIDDING', a little knowledge behind every 'I don't KNOW', a little emotion behind every 'I don't CARE', and a little pain behind every 'it’s OK'."

I loved that quote the minute I saw it; for a while I thought I like it ‘cause it sounds real and cute… but then I was like damn!

Actually everything I say when I’m down, upset, hurt or exposed I usually mean the exact opposite…

So...

When I say… It’s no big deal; it actually is a huge deal for me…

When I say… I’m okay; I’m actually saying I’m really not okay…

When I say… who cares, I care a lot and wish people cared as well…

When I say… I never wanna speak to you again; I actually mean that I’d never wanna stop speaking to you…

When I say… I don’t wanna talk about it, I mean that I really wanna talk about it…

When I say… never mind, I do mind… A lot…

When I say… leave me alone, I actually want you there…

When I say… forget about it… it’s actually all I think about…

Sometimes I even say… “lol,” when I’m actually hurt and think there is nothing to possibly laugh at…

And the list can go on forever… I guess you got the picture!

So why do I say the opposite of what I think and feel? I really really really dunno! It could be ‘cause I don’t wanna make it seem like I care too much, or ‘cause I wanna sound like I’m strong and things don’t get to me…

And I realized I do end up giving the image that I’m MACHO, when I’m really not even close to it! People assume I’m a lot tougher than I really am, they think things don’t get to me, they think it’s hard for me to be upset… they think I’ve got stone cold heart… when as a matter of fact, lol, I’m the most emotional and sensitive person I ever came across… and I think that’s exactly what I’m trying to hide!

I think it even pushes people I care about away, ‘cause when I’m upset in general or from them, I ask them to leave me completely alone… what they don’t know is that I never want them gone!

So I’m basically confusing myself and others, if that makes any sense!

So, I don’t know if I got to work on changing that. Maybe I need to work on better expressing what I really wanna say and how I really feel! Or maybe there are people who would understand me better and would understand how I feel and what I’m trying to say when I say those things!

I honestly dunno… all I know is that how I feel turned out to be exactly the opposite of what I say!

May be you guys should tell me if any of you are like that as well... would make me feel better if I'm not the only one who feels something and says another!