A Walk Down Memory Lane...

I'm sure we all get these self evaluation moments... where for no good reason all the memories and experiences flash like a movie right in front of you... And most probably... they're the things you miss, the experiences that didn't end too well... the things you expected for them to be with you today, but they're not...

So last few days I have been on memory lane, and it kind of depresses you a little... in the beginning it seems like there are certain things and people that you have expected for them to be with and they're not... but with deeper thought, you realize that maybe these experiences were not really meant to happen...

I've taken the time to look at my previous memories... and I can confidently say that may be I'm not excited or happy about the way things ended... but sooner or later they were going to end. May be the end could have been tweaked a bit, slightly modified, extended a little longer but in a million years they would have not been a success. There were too many odds that would have stopped them from happening... So when you come to think about them, maybe the sooner they ended the better...

Of course there are things I wish I had done differently or not done at all... but the truth is... sooner or later it wasn't going to happen. They were stories meant to end before completion. Before I fought too hard to make them happen, but now I can say it to myself, that they were never going to see light!

And of course now that I'm calmer and more chilled I wonder why did they happen in first place. However, I gotta say that it's called experience for a reason. To learn! True, now I don't see why I was upset or why I wished they would work... but I learned!

And I think the main lesson learned is to know, admit and acknowledge when a battle is lost, when it is okay to let go... When it is not called giving up but rather accepting the facts of life. The things that seemed impossible and hard to accept in life, also unbearable are now memories that are years, months or weeks back... And we are still here... Alive and kicking! And still going on!

Perfect Picture....

I've always loved pictures... truly madly deeply! I could take pictures everywhere and at all times... it's an addiction that most likely annoys everyone around me! But I love it and always will do... and the emotional reward they give you when you're looking at them on a bad day... is simply priceless!

When I was a child... my wall was completely covered with pictures... every memory documented for me to flash back at when I want.... However, a few days back I looked at my room and I realized I have no pictures around anymore and it frustrated me... so I did a little picture project (since I'm no longer allowed to STICK things on my wall, lol).... 

And here is the outcome:

My super amazing family in my "Love Frame": L (love you) dad, O (only you) Mom, V (love you forever) Mondyyy and E for my amazing little brother (endless love to you) Mon! Perfect frame choice for the perfect family anyone can ever every wish for! You make my life awesome by all means!

A collage of pictures for my and my friends; from the top: Nahla  (we've previously agreed that we perfectly utilize each other as emotional dumpsters), Karim Nabil (miss u keteeer wallahi); Viva, Samy, Mariam and Monday in Vivoz wedding; the Taba girls Trip that was tons of fun, my gorgeous manager and FRIEND Noody (muah), Self (whom I adore), Viva again (please live in the same country ba2a), Attia & Nagiub my amazing friends and brothers (plz come back Attia), Hurgada trip the Tiab's and Mekhail's (the 4 sisters); Serin in Egypt with my lovely Youzz (amazing reunion), my amazing FP7 (first real job) team; and the Ahly-Barcelona outing with the Tiabs and Habib's :)

Youz's wedding :) lovely day and lovely long time, childhood friend! And then another collage: from the top: me, Salsa and Sheero; me, Sandoor and Sheero, chocolate party with at Self's with Self, Sandoor and Roni; all my favorite girls ever at my thesis defense (Mariam, Mondyyy, Sandoor, Mary, Marmar, Amany and my all time favorite HOBZY); my graduation buddies: Dee, Chantal and Salsa; my "farfooosha" partner in crime (one of the ppl I'd kill to have around 24/7) Sarsooora; two the most decent guys ever Ibrahim & Wadid (with Sandoor tab3an); Halloween 2010 with the girlies :) And finally my ALL TIME FAVORITE PIC EVER (regardless of both of us looking crappy) with my all time favorite gal Sandoor 3ala kobry Stanely in my tiny Friends Forever frame :)

And my final corner; the Tiab's and Mekhail's again (love u girls, can never express how much I do); Salsa and Azooz getting married (amazzzing day and amazing friends) and I miss you babe gidan gidan always always; and last but not least akeeeed: LANOULL my best-EST friend (always and forever regardless how far) in the world in her recent visit to Cairo (YAY, still can't believe that actually happened after six long years) and  another tiny Friends Forever frame from the good old Saudi Days that I honestly miss each and every singly day! 

Know that if you're on my wall... you're definitively in my heart! 

Trust in a perfect picture you may not look your best! But you'll feel your best! With the best company creating the best memories ever!

Laughing At Me...

So with years I've learned that the best technique to escaping an embarrassing situation is to laugh at yourself with the people rather than watching them laugh at you with humility... so here is a list of some of the embarrassing moments in my life, that I may have not laughed at back then... but now I say what the hell:

Having my shoe fly in the face of one of the hottest/cutest guys in school...

Always being compared to my older sis in school for being an angel... "why can't you just be like her?" 

Having my sister's name called instead of mine during MY school ceremonies simply because my teacher taught her before...
Being wrapped in aluminum foil for a school play because the custom designer was probably too lazy to design a custom and with every move I'd hear a crack and rip...

Actually being an alien in front of the entire school in senior year is more embarrassing...

Herd the expression circumcision in Arabic for the first time while I was in university and asking public ally out loud... "Dr. what do you mean by...," okie we all know participation isn't always impressive!

My economics professor telling me in front of the entire class: "ady da2ny law etgawezti (i.e. you're never getting married) because I couldn't answer the question: what are kitchen utensils made from... apparently he had vision, lol!
My first "set up" date, I remember the guy talking about himself throughout, none stop, so interrupted.... "I'm sorry when do I get to speak?" - awkward moment of silence! Not sure my friend ever tried setting my up again! 

This guy in school used to call me everyday to ask me what the homework was, my dad once picked up and told him, "it's impossible you never write the homework... starting writing, stop calling!" We were in 6th grade, talk about defamation to my social presence! Thank God we now have cell phones! 

I have a pair of driving shoes so I don't mess up the heels of my good shoes... anyways, I start walking down the street and everyone is giving me the weird look, so I give them the "what the hell is your problem" look..." I later realize I'm walking around with different shoe pairs..one blue and fancy and the other one is white and crappy!

First few weeks at work, I really had nothing to do... so I decided to watch the latest episode of Desperate Housewives to kill time. A person from IT walks in and says he needs to check something with the connection... thoughtlessly, I give him the laptop... only to find me watching two people making out on screen! I'm the new girl and I don't know what he thinks I watch in work! Good he left work! Lol!

So I was born and raised in Saudi, where women can't drive or do much. Anyways, it was the Egyptian/Arab Mother's day which happens to be in March and my dad was away and I really wanted to get my mom flowers! Anyways, I asked a friend to get me the followers to school 'cause I just can't drive around! He does a great job and gets them to me... he walks in first period with a big bouquet and asks my teacher, "can I speak to Madonna?" My teacher says, "we're in the middle of class." Once the guy leaves my teacher looks me at and asks, " did he have flowers?" So I'm like... yaaa... so he says, "Go Madonna... run after him.... these moments don't happen a lot in life!" Trust me it would have been more embarrassing if I said they were for my mom! 

Me and my friends decided to have a dish party and this time I told my mom, I'm cooking... you just rest! I ended up using hair oil instead of cooking oil! Crap! 

Every time I go anywhere and people know a "Madonna" exists in the room, they start faking the most American, cool accent and ask, "where is MadOnnnaaaA?" I raise my hand and the look on their face is like... "oh it's you... wutever!" You can tell they're were looking for a hot blondie! 

This is what I have in mind for now... may be later I do an embarrassing moment part 2 when I regain some of my memories

Music To My Ears...

So I love listening to music... again, let me make it clear... I love LISTENING not HEARING music...

Hearing means it's a background beat... don't get me wrong beats are crucial... but to me words count... wordless musicals don't leave the same print on my soul! I relate more to lyrics... I feel better using literal words to explain how I feel! That's why to me lyrics makes or breaks a song! Therefore I'm keen to listen to what a song really has to say!

Listening to lyrics and going away with your mind and emotions elsewhere... listening and saying: how come this song says exactly how I feel... is an AWESOME feeling!

Sometimes I feel we listen to lyrics only when we want to... sometimes I hear a song for years and years to go and then one day on my drive back home, I actually listen to it for the first time ever! I realize I never really listened to the words! Never knew it meant that way... and I just get overwhelmed... 'cause I realize the lyrics are great! They make the song... they change the way you hear it!

Music just takes you elsewhere... lyrics tells you you're not the only feeling a certain way... it tells you, it's okay to feel this way... it's with you when you're upset, cheers you up when you're down... it's with you in every occasion... from your birthday, to your break up, to your graduation... all the way to your first dance...

We create memories around songs... sometimes we hear a song and it takes us back somewhere we left a long time ago... brings back images, feelings and scents... reminds of things... and even if they're memories you prefer to forget... deep down this time shift and drift back in time... this nostalgic moment... makes you smile... even if it's not on the outside... you smile on the inside...

There are some verses that really make me feel different inside... some verses that I can hear over and over and over again... non-stop... enjoying them every single time as if I'm hearing them for the very first time!

Music could be be the only language spoken... it's amazing...

What counts is to listen... listen to the words and allow them take you elsewhere...

“Without music, life would be a mistake..." Friedrich Nietzsche - This quote is TRUE!