I'm literally bored... and when I'm bored I get a lot of time thinking which is something I officially hate 'cause I end up depressed...
So during my thinking process today, I ended up pissed at life (as usual, it comes along with being depressed)... I asked my myself a lot of stuff and then I realized they all revolve around one thing and pretty much one thing only!
Can we go on with life and never get what we want!?
Why is it that we're always unsatisfied? Is it a human greed? We never get enough? Once you get something you start searching for the next? OR is life really unfair to the extent that you can go on for ever and ever and ever and just never get what you want? Is it possible that we just end up praying for something and never getting it? Will we spend our lives just imagining how our life would turn out IF we ever get what we want?
To me that's just a load of depressing crap!
Sometimes, perhaps to appease my anger, I tell myself that main problem is that we want the wrong stuff!
This issue has been nagging me for a while... I've always been questioning life, blaming life for being annoying and unfair! Sometimes even mean and harsh!
I've just always felt it was easier blaming it on life... like it is never my fault things don't turn out well!
UNTIL...
A few days ago a friend asked if I could help put some of his thoughts in writing... ACTUALLY he brought something to light under MY eye... maybe it's not that life is mean or that we wish for the wrong stuff! Maybe we actually don't know what we want! Maybe we lack an understanding of what it is that makes us happy and satisfied.
Maybe we're not patient enough to wait for the right thing to happen!
Hence we end going through all the wrong paths hoping to find what we want... or hoping to find the answers we keep looking for. We keep searching for whatever we hope gives us the satisfactory feeling of that missing element in our life!
Perhaps... we feel life that life does't give us what we want because we ourselves don't know what we want.
We keep hoping that we get something or the other... but do we know if we actually want it? Are we sure that it will give us the feeling of completion... the satisfaction and happiness that we're looking for? Or is it just another wrong path we're taking!? Another puddle of confusion we're throwing ourselves in?
I guess this "WHAT IF" element to life is what drives us mad! Makes us feel helpless... unsatisfied and full of questions... Questions that can't be answered... because "what if" could simply happen, or not... and if it happens can just have a million different answers and outcomes!
We keep hoping that others would understand us better, give us a chance... or simply hear us out! But do we even understand ourselves, do we hear them out... Do we even understand them!? Do we give life and people what we expect in return or are we just a demanding bunch of whiners?!
So I'm asking life or maybe me... What is it that I want from life? And will I go on forever without knowing what it is or never getting it?
I don't have the answer... I hope someone does!
BUT that doesn't change the fact that sometimes I wish life would give me a break and give me what I want... even if it would give me temporary satisfaction!
I know, some people would say: this temporary satisfaction may later result in more troubles!
I'd say: life is full of troubles anyways... some temporary satisfaction wouldn't hurt! It would give me closure knowing the outcomes of what I want, the answers to my "what ifs", that satisfaction that my prayers are answered and that it's possible to get what you want.
Today I'm depressed and hoping for temporary satisfaction.... HOWEVER, believe it or not... DEEP DOWN I do believe in Happy Endings, that Things Do Get Better... and that Satisfaction & Happiness are down the road to all of us!
