Reference to my previous post (Silence is Gold) which speaks about how I don't feel relieved until I say all that I want and get everything I want off my chest... people may find it natural to believe that I find closure in being the one to say the last words in an argument... As if that gives me closure!
However, that's not true! Closure to me has a totally different meaning!
True... blabbing out all that is bothering me is something I tend to do and can't help most of the time. However as I previously mentioned my blabbing comes with a good intention... Even if this seems hidden!
What's worst is that I reach to this boiling point that leads to explosion with people I care about! I tend to avoid confrontation which I know would be bad and then I explode. So dramatic endings with such people hurts me more than it hurts them. The last thing I plan for is loosing them. I consider the people I care about an embedded part of my life. As I said I assume they'd be okay with me venting... But I don't assume anyone should endure what seems to be taking crap!
IN FACT I find closure in happy endings and in peaceful endings to my arguments.
True my venting and speaking out may make happy endings hard to reach... However this is my honest intention.
Closure to me is when no hard feelings exist... Closure is when I'm sure I haven't hurt any one... Closure is when I feel words have actually ended (nothing more to be said by either sides)... Closure is soul and mind feeding... Closure is finding inner peace...
I've learned that my venting doesn't help me get where I want... I vent because I feel this person is close enough to me to endure this venting and to know the good I mean I behind it... I vent to the person instead of speaking about them to someone else... I vent because I'm calling out for the person's attention...
But it's clear to me that my venting means loosing people... It leads to sad endings rather than happy ones...
I don't find closure in loosing people or in hurting them by what I say... I find closure in happy endings... I need to change my way to find closure and for people to really know who I am... My good intention seems be unclear to people and seems to drive me in the oppoite direction...
I don't find closure in making people feel bad or in having the final say. I don't find closure in winning arguments. I don't find closure in being a victim or gaining sympathy... But that's what my venting results in.
My venting doesn't only hurt people but it also hurts me... Regret kills me! Sad endings frustrate me! Being judged falsely drains my breath! Hurting people makes me feel guilty! And above all loosing people I really care about is something I never get over!!!
My venting is harming me more than any one else! My venting isn't allowing me to find closure!
I need to find closure! I need to change.
However, that's not true! Closure to me has a totally different meaning!
True... blabbing out all that is bothering me is something I tend to do and can't help most of the time. However as I previously mentioned my blabbing comes with a good intention... Even if this seems hidden!
What's worst is that I reach to this boiling point that leads to explosion with people I care about! I tend to avoid confrontation which I know would be bad and then I explode. So dramatic endings with such people hurts me more than it hurts them. The last thing I plan for is loosing them. I consider the people I care about an embedded part of my life. As I said I assume they'd be okay with me venting... But I don't assume anyone should endure what seems to be taking crap!
IN FACT I find closure in happy endings and in peaceful endings to my arguments.
True my venting and speaking out may make happy endings hard to reach... However this is my honest intention.
Closure to me is when no hard feelings exist... Closure is when I'm sure I haven't hurt any one... Closure is when I feel words have actually ended (nothing more to be said by either sides)... Closure is soul and mind feeding... Closure is finding inner peace...
I've learned that my venting doesn't help me get where I want... I vent because I feel this person is close enough to me to endure this venting and to know the good I mean I behind it... I vent to the person instead of speaking about them to someone else... I vent because I'm calling out for the person's attention...
But it's clear to me that my venting means loosing people... It leads to sad endings rather than happy ones...
I don't find closure in loosing people or in hurting them by what I say... I find closure in happy endings... I need to change my way to find closure and for people to really know who I am... My good intention seems be unclear to people and seems to drive me in the oppoite direction...
I don't find closure in making people feel bad or in having the final say. I don't find closure in winning arguments. I don't find closure in being a victim or gaining sympathy... But that's what my venting results in.
My venting doesn't only hurt people but it also hurts me... Regret kills me! Sad endings frustrate me! Being judged falsely drains my breath! Hurting people makes me feel guilty! And above all loosing people I really care about is something I never get over!!!
My venting is harming me more than any one else! My venting isn't allowing me to find closure!
I need to find closure! I need to change.
Ppl are not required to know intentions... It is everyone’s own responsibility to match his/her spoken words with his/her hidden true intention… Even those who are so close, they are ppl like still, with their own set of personal issues… One should never ask for others correct “re-actions” until he/she tunes up his own “actions”.
ReplyDeleteHowever, very few ppl realize and analyze their own actions... Even fewer ppl have the ability and the willing to change... But “almost” none of those really succeed to radically change... We are creatures of habit and it is indeed very annoying for anyone to have to change anything about her/his life.
But I personally believe it’s possible... With enough determination and time, it can be done.
thanks :)
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