Lost..

Lately I'm just lost.

Too much of everything is going on and I'm not focused on any of them. There is too much work, too much studying, too much emotions, too many activities, a lot of drama, a lot of terrible discoveries, a lot of mixed feelings, a lot of personal conflicts, a lot of undefined emotions... 

I personally don't know if I'm okay! I'm just letting the days slip. All similar to one another. I'm fooling myself saying I'm okie... saying since the days are rolling it means I'm okie... but whenever I have a free minute, when I look deeply into my life I realize I'm a mess! A walking wreck! 

When I really think about I realize nothing is actually going right! I feel I have too many problems to really know where to start. So I choose to let it all go... fool myself into saying things didn't really happen! 

If you ask me why am I bringing it up now... I'd tell you last three - four weeks have been incredibly insane... in every aspect... and I'm still holding up. Every time I come to get into the details of the events I fall in disbelief and choose not to. I prefer ignoring them and being in denial for a change... 

My plan is basically to drain my energy out so when the night hits, I simply fall flat on my face and sleep in no time, giving myself no time to thing. 

I'm choosing to be lost because if I think too much I'll end up depressed and in loads of self pitty. So I'm choosing indifference. It's bugging me that I can't really define how I feel, but all I can say is that indifference seems to doing me right at the moment! I'd rather be lost than focused on the amount of crap I got going on! 

Oh well whatever... it's really whatever makes you go through the night!