April...

I absolutely HATE waiting... as in hate that comes from the bottom of the heart! Deeply rooted hate! Waiting is like KILLING me softly and slooOOoowly!

Waiting means I create all possible scenarios in my mind and I keep saying "what if" "what if" "what if" till I go crazy! It means all the negative things come to mind... it means I worry... It means I expect the worst... It means I'm frustrated till I know answers and outcomes to what I'm waiting for! It means uncertainty...

It simply means I'm waiting for something UNKNOWN... and I hate that!

True it is sometimes exciting... depending really on what it is we are waiting for, but mostly it's just annoying! This urge and the mental "push and pull" we go through while waiting is absolutely a hectic KILLER...

It's even a bigger problem when you get bummed out and disappointed after the wait... when the worst actually happens... when what you fearED becomes an absolute reality that you have no choice but to deal with...

BUT I got to say it is quite amazing when the wait ends with rewards, happiness, cheerfulness and optimism!

April 2011 is by far my biggest challenge ever when it comes to waiting. I helplessly have to wait until April ends in order to feel better! All I CAN DO is WAIT!

April needs to go by...I'm edgy, moody, tensed, pissed, tired and on the verge of exploding... I'm making up the simplest excuses to loose it... the simplest excuses to snap...

I need April to come to a peaceful end... I'm hoping this wait like all other "amazing" waits ends with rewards, happiness, cheerfulness and optimism!

-Sigh!

Photos...

There are two types of photos...

There are photos we paint as illusions in our minds... they represent our dreams of how we hope something would turn out to be...

These photos are the usually beautiful, lavish and imaginative ... they takes us with our thoughts and feelings elsewhere... they lift us up when we're down... they convince us deep down that there is light at the end of the tunnel... they tell us that despite of anything things will get better and will one day turn out the way we wanted...

True... sometimes we're disappointed when these photos are never reached and framed into reality... but we cannot live without them. These unrealistic photos are sometimes what gives us the strength to move on... they give us reasons and excuses because we hope we reach these imaginary lives at the end...

The other type of photos are actual pictures we have in albums... they represent our special moments and valued memories. They help us remember good times when we're nostalgic...

These pictures also help us move on when we're down because when we look back at them we know that family warmth always gives us a feeling of security, that loyal friends exist, that every Christmas you smile helplessly, that birthdays are a time of love, that you've achieved a lot, learned a lot... simply you see proof that good things do happen!

As much as these pictures show you how much time has passed... they remind you that there were a lot of good times...

We can't live without both types of photos... some of them are dreams which we hope they turn into a reality.... and others are reflections of the best times in our lives... both are essential for us...

Photos are very special... I love taking photos and creating photos of what my future can be!