I'm asking myself today if hope is good thing. Pushing yourself to remain optimistic in the midst of everything... does that really help you? I used to like think so... But the older I grow and the more I see I realize that maybe too much hope isn't always a good idea. As much as hope keeps you going, tells you that eventually there is a happy ending, that there is light in the end of the tunnel... that maybe there is a chance that things go as planned... It often becomes so scary because it means bigger disappointment and a stronger slap on the face.
I've recently decided to be more positive... to smile at life... to be more open to people and experiences.
And my take is... life is a real bitch. It stares you in the face, smiles at you, manipulates to think she is on your side... and just when you get comfortable... it smiles even bigger and points its middle finger right at you with a sense of victory.
So I'm asking myself is hope such a good thing for us? Is it better to live with no expectations? May be then if something good happens it would make us happier.
I keep telling myself its all about time... good things are bound to happen... dreams might come true. But the truth is... I never get used to the disappointment. And every time it takes more effort on my side to have "hope" again... which only means the disappointment is bigger and stronger and harder to recover from.
So I think I'm letting go of hope for a good while. I'm back to no expectations. I'm letting go of happy endings... I can deal with indifference, but I cannot deal with more disappointment. I want to say "who knows maybe life surprises me," but I realized that this is another shape of hope that just tricks you into waiting and into expecting anything good to come out of this thing called... life!
