Mom & Dad...

From the first minute we open our eyes to the world, we find two people who are simply devoted to taking care of us and to making our life better.

Mom & Dad!

Our parents are there for us from the first minute we set foot to life... giving us enormous love and support whenever needed. Even when we don't ask for it. Even when we don't realize that it's love. Never asking for anything in return. Their only payback is us being happy.

Our parents shape their entire lives in order to provide for us the best life ever... from the minute we're born, their lives revolve around what we want and how they would give it to us.

They work hard, day and night... to give us good lives, good education and to see our dreams come true. Then they work harder to put a smile on our face. And then they go the extra mile to make sure this smile stays there.

Anything to put a smile on OUR face. That's all they actually live for.

BUT...
Then we grow up...

We start having our own lives. Our own demands. Our vision. Our own plans and desires. We grow up and feel the need to shape our own lives... naturally!

We make plans for our careers, plans for our education, plans for traveling, plans with friends, plans with our partners and plans for our future kids...

The question is... When we make plans for our lives do we take into consideration where our parents stand in them?

Do we stop and ask ourselves where do our parents stand in the middle of all that?

Do we place them as a priority in our new plans like they've always treated us as their top and only priority?

Do we realize that as we grow up we become responsible for them and they count on us as their first and sole dependents in life?

Do we consider what they want? Or do we expect them to continue shaping their lives around our new lifestyles?

Do we realize that we sometimes leave them behind forgetting the impact it would have on them. That we sometimes lose focus. That we might make them feel less important over time.

Personally I don't think they mind... they still would do whatever makes us happy. From their perspective, I'm sure they're saying, "whatever makes them happy." They never expected anything in return in first place.

That doesn't mean we abuse it.

I don't claim I know what the future holds for me and where they would fit into the picture.

But I know I'll try my best to make them happy always and forever.

I'll make sure they never feel like they're not my number one priority. I'll never make them feel forgotten. I'll never make them feel less important.

I'll do anything...

Anything to put a smile on THEIR face.

Question to Life...

I'm literally bored... and when I'm bored I get a lot of time thinking which is something I officially hate 'cause I end up depressed...

So during my thinking process today, I ended up pissed at life (as usual, it comes along with being depressed)... I asked my myself a lot of stuff and then I realized they all revolve around one thing and pretty much one thing only!

Can we go on with life and never get what we want!?

Why is it that we're always unsatisfied? Is it a human greed? We never get enough? Once you get something you start searching for the next? OR is life really unfair to the extent that you can go on for ever and ever and ever and just never get what you want? Is it possible that we just end up praying for something and never getting it? Will we spend our lives just imagining how our life would turn out IF we ever get what we want? 

To me that's just a load of depressing crap!

Sometimes, perhaps to appease my anger, I tell myself that main problem is that we want the wrong stuff!

This issue has been nagging me for a while... I've always been questioning life, blaming life for being annoying and unfair! Sometimes even mean and harsh! 

I've just always felt it was easier blaming it on life... like it is never my fault things don't turn out well! 

UNTIL...

A few days ago a friend asked if I could help put some of his thoughts in writing... ACTUALLY he brought something to light under MY eye... maybe it's not that life is mean or that we wish for the wrong stuff! Maybe we actually don't know what we want! Maybe we lack an understanding of what it is that makes us happy and satisfied. 

Maybe we're not patient enough to wait for the right thing to happen! 

Hence we end going through all the wrong paths hoping to find what we want... or hoping to find the answers we keep looking for. We keep searching for whatever we hope gives us the satisfactory feeling of that missing element in our life!

Perhaps... we feel life that life does't give us what we want  because we ourselves don't know what we want.

We keep hoping that we get something or the other... but do we know if we actually want it? Are we sure that it will give us the feeling of completion... the satisfaction and happiness that we're looking for? Or is it just another wrong path we're taking!? Another puddle of confusion we're throwing ourselves in?

I guess this "WHAT IF" element to life is what drives us mad! Makes us feel helpless... unsatisfied and full of questions... Questions that can't be answered... because "what if" could simply happen, or not... and if it happens can just have a million different answers and outcomes! 

We keep hoping that others would understand us better, give us a chance... or simply hear us out! But do we even understand ourselves, do we hear them out... Do we even understand them!? Do we give life and people what we expect in return or are we just a demanding bunch of whiners?!

So I'm asking life or maybe me... What is it that I want from life? And will I go on forever without knowing what it is or never getting it?

I don't have the answer... I hope someone does!

BUT that doesn't change the fact that sometimes I wish life would give me a break and give me what I want... even if it would give me temporary satisfaction! 

I know, some people would say: this temporary satisfaction may later result in more troubles! 

I'd say: life is full of troubles anyways... some temporary satisfaction wouldn't hurt! It would give me closure knowing the outcomes of what I want, the answers to my "what ifs", that satisfaction that my prayers are answered and that it's possible to get what you want.

Today I'm depressed and hoping for temporary satisfaction.... HOWEVER, believe it or not... DEEP DOWN I do believe in Happy Endings, that Things Do Get Better... and that Satisfaction & Happiness are down the road to all of us! 

You've Changed...

I've previously written a post titled The Beautiful You and Me... and I guess this is quite related to it... 


Sometimes I look at someone and I feel he or she has changed... more like softened up, lost their edge with time... and that's really not something bad, it's more like they've just loosened up with time and have let their softer side shine...


Whatever happened could really be meeting someone, getting married, having a child, going through a rough experience, loosing someone, becoming better friends or simply just growing up... 


And surprisingly this change just brings this person under a new light... makes me look at this person differently... with some sort of admiration...


I've lately been seeing a lot of changed people... people who no longer care that it's corny to play games on Facebook despite claiming that it's kiddish for years... others who have risen above tension in the past and make sure you know you're still dear to them.... others who don't mind crying in front of you... others who admit they love hanging around kids...


I've lately been seeing a lot of changed people... changed to the better... people who allow you to see their other side... who share the better version of them... who really show the beautiful them... I've lately been smiling a lot! Thanks to the people who have changed... 

Where Do We Go From Here...

Yesterday after a very long day out, I finally got home...

Personally, like most people I would guess, I was looking forward to relaxing, a good cup of coffee and some cozy time watching TV...

So I walk in, sit with my mom and sister and do some catching up...

At around 11:30 pm we hear gunshots in our street... Right beneath our home! Gun shots flying randomly... 10-20 of them! Everyone in the neighborhood runs to their balconies to check what's happening... We find around 50-70 men with guns, knives and sticks bombarding 2 men because they were trying to steal a car (a newly and common trend now in Egypt since the thugs have gone lose since Jan 25).

So where do we go from here?

When did it become okay for civilians to carry weapons and starting firing once they feel threatened?

Surprisingly... After about 45 minutes  of a gang fight last night... Life resumed in the street as if nothing happened! As if chasing thugs and gun shots flying around have become the usual!

Actually it is the usual!

It has become so likely that you wake up to find your car missing! To come back to find your home robbed! Sometimes we're not there to protect ourselves and sometimes we're there and we try to resist and fight back! Even more you can be stopped with your car or while walking, have a gun or knife held to your head and the thug just asks you to give up all you've got on you! 

So basically it's kill OR get killed! 

Everyone now owns a gun or has some sort of weapon for self defense. Personally I never thought I'd need any sort of self defense in Egypt but now I carry pepper spray. True it won't do much... but at least would give me time to run for my life!

Civilians right now are tempted to take matters in their own hands! Protect themselves! And most probably decide the punishment for the wrong doer on their own! 

No can blame them for carrying around unliscenced guns or for killing someone when they feel threatened!

Our country has managed to turn its civilians into thugs! And you can't blame the people! After all you do what you have to do to keep safe and alive!

This is where we are and no one knows where we're going! 

I really have no clue! But something in me tells me we moving a downward slope!