See to Believe...

We are often told a piece of information... and who ever shares it with us, assures us that it is true! Yet, for some unknown reason, we subconsciously refuse to believe it to be true...

We choose to live in denial either because what we've herd is just damn impossible or because what we believe just makes us feel a lot better than reality. Or maybe we fool ourselves by still believing in our gut feelings, which keeps nagging about how much whatever we believe is true! Even more, you could be someone like me who just has massive issues letting go!

And speaking from personal experience this denial can last for days, weeks or EVEN months... up UNTIL we get the wake UP call! We keep fighting and fighting the truth, searching for ways to defy it and prove it wrong... until we reach something! And this something, usually the ugly moment of truth, slaps us hard on the face! It tells you bluntly and clearly that what you've actually denied has always been TRUE!

I wish I believe things when I HEAR them... that would be easier and less hurtful! But to wait till I SEE things... this direct encounter with the truth... hurts more! If we just believe it from day one, we'd save ourselves from this harsh confrontation with reality!

Point is... our choices makes up end up here! All we can hope for, is to one day learn the lesson! 

                                                                              

~Sigh!

My Idiocy...

I have a certain idiocy which revolves around making myself feel like crap by making the same mistake twice…

Well, the first time it’s not really a mistake… I do something thinking it would turn out well and then it doesn’t… and then times passes by and the same thing starts over and I still do it!

Some people I’ve given them enough chances, some stuff I know they won’t work for me… yet I go back and talk to them again or do it again!

I know something makes me feel like crap… so why the hell do I put myself through the same thing over and over again… I don’t know!

The only smart answer I can come up with is that I am an idiot!

I really wish I’d stop doing that! I think the bigger problem has to do with me being able to tell myself no! A plain and simple NO! How hard is that? UFF!

I mean it’s only idiotic to do same crap over and over again expecting the outcome to be different!

I don’t blame the people… I don’t blame the circumstances! I blame me… I’ve been there and done that… so why do it again! May be deep down I hope things would be different! Only I know it won’t be!

I previously said I trusted my gut feelings… and they failed me massively! So maybe there are certain stuff and certain people I should just give up about! Some things won't change and I need to accept that and deal with it!

Maybe it has to do with my biggest problem ever… my inability to let go! UF UFF UFFF! I’m really angry at me!!!

People should be moving forward! And starting the same stuff over will just put me back to places I’d rather leave and never get back! It's like I'm moving backwards! And that just sucks!

And I hate it 'cause I then end up feeling like crap! And I've had enough of feeling like crap! I've been saturated with crap as a matter of fact!!

My idiocy is killing me!

-sighs-

My Gut Feelings…

Honestly, I’m pretty pissed off at my gut feelings…

Lately, my gut feelings have been crashing me right through a freaking wall! I used to trust my instincts perfectly well before and they have never let me down… but lately… I’m honestly disappointed and pissed of with them…

And I have no clue why this is valid or worthy of sharing with people, but that’s the point, this place is for me to trash talk myself and get out whatever is bothering me and feel good about it… So I’m sort of exercising my legal right!

My gut feelings told me to take certain decisions and they all turned out to be a massive flop…

Decisions that are making me feel bad...

Decision that I regret (the feeling I hate the most)...

Decisions that were really stupid…

Decisions that made me go back to things that I should have never gone back to…

My gut feelings even told me some people were better than I thought, and I trusted them, and that too didn’t turn out too well...

My gut feelings were 100% sure things would go well and turn out as planned and they haven’t and now I’m feeling like crap about it!

I miss my old gut feelings that were perfectly accurate and reliable… they never deceived me or let me down… before everyone would tell me something and my gut feelings would tell me another and it would always turn out right! I really miss that!

But ENOUGH… I’ve decided I won’t be relying much on them…

I’ll use my gut feelings for things like which outfit looks nicer, which chocolate looks tastier… but anything other than that, anything more important, anything with further implications on my life… I’m really not depending on them anymore!

First New Year’s Resolution: Less Gut Feelings, More Brains!

Heh!

P.S. E-mail me your New Year Resolutions at mado.mekhail@gmail.com for my next post! Should be fun...