Our conscious decision to make ourselves miserable!

Do we sometimes enjoy making ourselves miserable? I often wonder if I sometimes voluntarily make an active decision to make myself miserable... For example you're trying to diet yet you decide to a chocolate; you're overloaded with work yet you chose to procrastinate or you know someone is a perfect mismatch for you yet you continue to over obsesses about them... The list can really go on.

However, what is common among all of these cases is the fact that you know the outcome of something cannot possibly be good, yet you become this weak, pathetic person with no will what-so-ever and you give in and do something stupid.

But then - I come back and say; this is human nature. We are born with weaknesses; it doesn't make us pathetic.

So I give myself a pat on the back - tell myself I'm okay, it is not the end of the world and I pull through. I think the right words are, I convince myself that it is okay to continue being stupid. I hate to admit it, but I think the best word for it is denial - in return of course to momentary and temporary happiness.

But that is not what really drives me crazy!

What I find insane is the fact that it hurts when you realize you got to pull the plug and step back into reality. That you cannot live in denial anymore. For some reason, despite the fact that you have always knew the outcome was not going to be good, coming in terms with it and accepting it still take you by surprise. And hurts you like you didn't see it coming.

When you realize that this was the last time! That the next time you run into this person things will not be the same again. That the spark of hope you once fooled yourself with will no longer exist.

And I ask myself... why the hell did I put myself through this? Why did I allow myself to let "me" down! 

And the truth is - I have no idea! And that pisses me off even more! 

Are We Really Stupid?

I often wonder if we're really stupid...

OR if the things we hope for and want are what make us stupid...

Take love for example... love is crazy, blind and insane, I guess we can all agree to that... However, we're often certain, deep down, on a mental level, that this particular relationship will never work... So this must mean we're not stupid, because when we "think about it" we know it won't work... we're definite... it's a crystal clear fact right there in front of us...

When we get into this mental state we start making CLEAR self promises... we won't approach the person again, we'll leave things to come to and end, we'll let go, we'll say NO, we'll keep a distance, we won't fool our self and go back to being "friends," we'll avoid them, we'll stop ourselves from wishing them on birthdays and Christmas, we won't wonder what they think... AND SO ON...

But again that's our MIND acting...

And surprisingly we stick to it, and THEN one day or the other you're triggered, by a birthday, a song, a movie or any random memory... and UNFORTUNATELY... your emotions mess up you brain... they start moving in with a million random excuse and what if scenarios... what if they want to call but think we're uninterested, but we were great friends, but we were amazing together, we communicated so well, I know we'll eventually go back to speaking, I know we'll anyway end up together...

And BOOM, your stupidity rolls in at FULL speed... and you do something stupid... like give them a call... and we both know how this would end: regret and hurt AGAIN!  

You find that your stupid weakness... or hope of being with someone, your inability to move on, or your illusion that this person is your perfect match is what MADE you STUPID... Although in a normal state of MIND you know what you're doing is wrong... pointless and stupid... you know the facts!

SO NO, we're not stupid... we go through emotional phases that make us STUPID!

I used the so called relationship example.... well 'cause I'm a girl and it's the one I can relate to most! BUT apply this to everything...

Who of us doesn't know that drugs, speeding, drinking, hurting someone, lying, smuggling, bullying or any STUPID thing we do is actually STUPID.... Deep down we all know that!

So... Am I the pro on fighting stupidity? Actually no, I'm a pro at being stupid... but recently I've learned that all it takes is a pinch of self control. KEEP fighting the feeling, the emotional rush, the weakness... until it goes away. Keep pushing it away for an hour, a day, or a week... and it'll go away.

Push away the phone, switch it off, take  nap, go for walk, spend an hour at the gym, take a shower, watch a movie... keep pushing away the "weakness," tell yourself I'll get to it after the nap, after the shower... keep postponing the "stupid action," and you'll be surprised how much it would go away...

Hence, comes in my favorite line of lyrics: "It's just a moment, this time will pass..."

And you will be better...
Until the next one comes....
And you fight it again...
Then these feelings come at wider intervals...
And they come at weaker intensities...
Until they eventually fade out...

We're not stupid... we just need to better deal with stupid feelings!