So in contrary to my previous post about smiling this post is about my very long, sleepless nights spent crying!
Well, for the last few months I've had this thing that has started out in my life... at first it just kept me up all nights, many nights in a row... just staring at the ceiling hoping the night goes by... hoping that with the break of dawn things get better... and that keeping myself busy would distract me from all the pain...
Well, for the last few months I've had this thing that has started out in my life... at first it just kept me up all nights, many nights in a row... just staring at the ceiling hoping the night goes by... hoping that with the break of dawn things get better... and that keeping myself busy would distract me from all the pain...
Apparently I was wrong... because the pain just kept getting worst and worst... because before I just starred at the ceiling hoping the time goes by... aware of every clock "tick" "tock" BUT then it the pain got stronger and more intense. I would spend every single night crying... and nothing and I mean nothing I would do would seize my pain. I though of every way possible to make the pain stop. You name it, I thought of it! I even thought of physical ways with which I can end the pain... taking things into my own hands, doing the extreme measures.
I tried to do whatever I can to patch things up... I tried quick fixes and long term fixes. I tried helping myself and tried getting external help. Every possible patch I've tried. I tried my best in order to keep the final detachment as a last resort.
But as you'd expect... things would get better for just a short time and then I'd be back to square one... "sleepless nights crying;" even more the pain would get worst and worst....
I've reached to a point where I lost hope... like this cycle would never end... it because a living nightmare... how come something be so painful... how can it keep coming back no matter how much you try to fix it or push it away....
And then I decided I've had enough... it's time for this mess to end. The final detachment needs to happen. These quick fixes aren't working and things end up screwed again, probably getting worst.
So.. I finally STOPPED the pain and pulled it out of my system. And it wasn't easy! And unexpectedly complicated! And for a while... it hurt even more than the actual pain!
But it ended!
Right now I'm experiencing some withdrawal symptoms... the lingering pain... the final remains... but I'm getting better.
Sometimes remembering it even gives me the shivers.
And of course there is a scar left there to remind me daily of the hell I've been through...
But things are improving. Each day more than the day before.
I'm healing... gladly.
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And now... go back and read every single line of this post again. This time with a fresh a mind... because I wasn't talking about a person, like most of you probably thought, I was talking about one hell of a tooth that has keeping me up for nights and nights and finally last Saturday after several effort to fix it from cavity remove to root canals and crowns... I've pulled it out in one hell of a complicated, hurtful procedure. Because that tooth, just couldn't come out easy! It had to break into little pieces making my life even harder. But it's out and I'm relieved....
--------
Funny how the human mind sometimes works....
I tried to do whatever I can to patch things up... I tried quick fixes and long term fixes. I tried helping myself and tried getting external help. Every possible patch I've tried. I tried my best in order to keep the final detachment as a last resort.
But as you'd expect... things would get better for just a short time and then I'd be back to square one... "sleepless nights crying;" even more the pain would get worst and worst....
I've reached to a point where I lost hope... like this cycle would never end... it because a living nightmare... how come something be so painful... how can it keep coming back no matter how much you try to fix it or push it away....
And then I decided I've had enough... it's time for this mess to end. The final detachment needs to happen. These quick fixes aren't working and things end up screwed again, probably getting worst.
So.. I finally STOPPED the pain and pulled it out of my system. And it wasn't easy! And unexpectedly complicated! And for a while... it hurt even more than the actual pain!
But it ended!
Right now I'm experiencing some withdrawal symptoms... the lingering pain... the final remains... but I'm getting better.
Sometimes remembering it even gives me the shivers.
And of course there is a scar left there to remind me daily of the hell I've been through...
But things are improving. Each day more than the day before.
I'm healing... gladly.
--------
And now... go back and read every single line of this post again. This time with a fresh a mind... because I wasn't talking about a person, like most of you probably thought, I was talking about one hell of a tooth that has keeping me up for nights and nights and finally last Saturday after several effort to fix it from cavity remove to root canals and crowns... I've pulled it out in one hell of a complicated, hurtful procedure. Because that tooth, just couldn't come out easy! It had to break into little pieces making my life even harder. But it's out and I'm relieved....
--------
Funny how the human mind sometimes works....
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