2013... Was Different!!

I've been terrible at posting... a year has gone by and I probably wrote less than a hand full of posts... and in all honesty I don't know where the time has gone... I'm usually a better writer when it comes to drama... so as much as it sucks that I haven't been writing... I feel it could be a good sign... means maybe I have had a good year!

So let me take this chance... to just jot down a few thoughts... won't even go back and look at what I wrote or edit it... let's see what comes out..

2013 was a different year for me the least to say. There was the good, the bad and the expected... all in all I have to say... looking back this year has been a one of a kind experience.

Starting off... the whole experience of being away from home for more than the year was unexpected. With this... lots of changes were made. It really gave me the chance to clear my head from so many things and distractions that were blurring my vision.... I let go of anything and anyone who could be holding me back... I had a year of self/quality time.. Which in all honesty, I needed and really enjoyed.

I learned the true meaning of independence... I learned a lot of values. I learned that its really hard to keep in touch with friends and that it is a two way effort... nothing comes easily. I must admit along the way I might have lost some friends! I also learned that others rose up... and became closer to me compared to before. Hence, learning that distance really isn't an element... it really comes down to how much effort you're willing to put in.

I also made new friends... learned to come out of my comfort zone... don't be shy about meeting new people and new experiences. I met people who... right now I cannot imagine how I'd leave them behind. To those friends.. I want to say... in 2014, I'm willing to put in the effort to stay in touch.

I think most important lesson was... not to accept less than one deserves from others.

Work has also been one hell of a change this year. Its been exiting, hectic and crazy... I've enjoyed working for a BIG entity... one that really makes the world a better place... Not just something you'd say in an ad; gives you a whole different sense of self actualization. I travelled around, which is always interesting. I had the chance to live in Dubai for more than a year and a chance to visit Oman, Turkey, NY and Connecticut. All in all, it has been some interesting cultural experience...one I enjoyed and plan to continue to enjoy...

Family... well it was very hard being away from my family for so long. The sense that they need me and I'm not there is a killer. Also the effort to keep the bond regardless of the distance wasn't easy... you learn to value them more... when something happens and you really wish they're here with you... but they're not.

Fun... this year wasn't so bad... I had fun, went around, laughed hard, met new people, went to new places, tried new experiences... may be not all of them were great at the time, but looking back, I enjoyed 2013.

Of course there are always stuff to look forward when you look ahead... I won't make a list of resolutions which are only good on paper... But let me say... Yes! There are  few things I'd like to work on... personally, socially and career wise in 2014. I feel I've spent enough time learning who I am and what I want in life... I learned what makes me happy.

I will not say I wish 2014 to be better than 2013... I'm thankful for my past year with all its good and bad. I'm walking into the new year with a lot of optimism for myself, my family, my career, my friends and my country.

Be thankful for your past year... and I wish everyone a more than AWESOME year to come.

The Country Person in Me...

A lot of people call me picky... and I think I am. I've come in terms with it. But recently I did realize that I'm very hard to please. I came to Dubai and I wasn't exactly impressed by the country. And lately I've been to NY, and I wasn't impressed either... When people hear that some get annoyed, they think I'm being too snobby... other are sarcastic... and some people even get defensive (don't ask about that)!

So I gave it some thought and I realized I'm not a city person... really! Cities are nice to go to for a few hours, spend a night... go crazy every once in a while.. but to live in these BIG ass, huge, fancy cities isn't something I aspire too... Tall buildings (no matter how glamorous) don't impress me. On the contrary... they stress me out... City lights and billboards hurt my eyes. Traffic... well that brings the worst out of me!

I live in Cairo (originally)... and that is one hell of a city! You've got the buildings, the traffic, the huge population, the pollution, the honking, the beeping, the sellers, the beggars, the lights, the tunnels, the bridges... it's the true definition of a busy city. And I love it.. because it's my hometown... but if I'm going on a holiday... Nopes, I don't want to be in another stressful location. I want a nicer, calmer place to be in. So ya NY was fun for a few days but I don't have the urge to go back there again... that's not what I consider a holiday. I take holiday to relax... not ones that send me back home more stressful.

It's cool to claim that I'm a city girl, the big star, the hot shot! But I'm not. If I ever have to leave Egypt I'd want to move some place quieter... greener... houses not apartments... ride a bike... walk a dog, have a decent walk... enjoy my backyard... park in my own garage...  Some place where I'm surrounded by nature, trees, flowers and a lake... Some place where i can relax after work... generally have a peaceful life!

So ya... it makes me sound boring... but I am a country side person! I can always go to the city... Enjoy it for a night, a weekend... but my day to day life... I'd want to be in a place that helps me think... helps me recharge... free my mind... enjoy beauty and value SILENCE.

Something Changed...

So when I herd I was coming to Dubai for a few months, I thought this is a great opportunity to make use of this time alone... I'm usually a person of strong will, and if I set my mind to something I'd do it...

I realized I'd be having a lot of time on hand, a lot of me time, a lot of alone time... and I figured this a chance for me to do a lot... but ever since I came here, I honestly don't know where the time does... I put it in my head that I want to achieve some stuff during my stay here and honestly I'm very disappointed at myself... because I've achieved none of them....

So that was my initial plan:

• I've always dreamed of learning multiple languages, so I thought this was an opportunity to brush on my French while I'm here, take a class after work or during the weekend! Obviously haven't done it.... haven't even looked into where I can take these classes.
• Be more outgoing, do activities on my own, don't be timid to learn to enjoy activities alone, even be open to meeting new people. Let's see... I'm very reluctant to do things on my own! For example there is a concert tonight that I really wanted to go and since I didn't find company I passed, I don't know why it is hard for me to do any activity on my own (except shopping to be honest, which I wish I can actually learn to control, anyway, not the point...) So, I'm not pissed at my friends for being un-supportive of an activity that I wanted to do as much as I am pissed at myself for being reluctant to go on my own, despite really wanting to go (donno if that makes any sense). The only time I go out and have fun, is when I've got company (usually people visiting), and that shouldn't be the case because my circle of people is so tiny, so I should really learn to go out  and have fun.  I also haven't made 1 new friend since I came here, work people are nice colleagues, others are random acquaintances, but a new friend, I haven't given myself a chance to meet new people... which is kind of weird, the beauty of travelling around is meeting people. 
• Make use of my free time (and the fact that the gym is right in my building) and exercise more regularly! I want to get fit and in shape! Guess what, as embarrassing as it is to say, I haven't been even ONCE to the gym. It's right in my building and I tend to find excuses for not going. Like time!! It's a 24/7 gym in my building and I'm saying I don't have time to go. And I guess this is one of the major things that piss me off at myself... like major disappointment!! 
• Develop my talent, my big dream! To read more and write more. And this is also something I'm just so pissed at myself for. Ever since I came here in Nov. 2012, I wrote no more than 5 posts, I wanted to start writing a new story and I just wrote 1 page of it... I'm just uninspired! I bought 3 new novels that are all lying on my table... And I do have time, I just don't have the will to pick up the book and read it

So I don't know what has happened to me, I've lost interest in a lot of things that I was once passionate about, I lost the will to get up and do something I want or something I care about... I'm just living from day to day with no set purpose or plan... I'm not enjoying the things I like to do... I've become so restless, it's annoying! I'm never excited about anything... and it's just not me!

I'm also so restless... before I used to wake up early, get up from the first buzz of the alarm, now... I can almost snooze for an hour, getting out of bed is like torture for me. I'm unmotivated to get up, I literally push myself out forcefully.

So I've got 3 months left here... with a lot of time on my own... I want to try and use them to see more places in the city. Depend on myself more to have fun, rather than wait for someone to join me, read more... write more, be more optimistic about life... have more fun! Be more optimistic and find motivation again.. Be out there and enjoy it... Find the stuff that excite me and I do them... 

So hopefully I can get over myself... and just live, who cares how or with who... just do the stuff that make me happy, so I can regain the will and excitement about life!

Oman... A Different Gulf!

I cannot claim that I'm an expert on on the Gulf region, I haven't been to each and every country in the GCC but I assume I know a little something... But I am a sucker for the region. I lived in Saudi and people think I'm insane to claim I love it, but I do... it was home for a very long time and it's the only childhood I ever had and knew...

So the below, is not an attack on any country it's a bunch of observations in hopes of showing admiration to Oman! 

So, again... I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia, lived there for a good 18 years. Took a break back home and then I  recently moved to Dubai and have been living there since October 2012. I've also been briefly to Bahrain, and I have lots of friends in Kuwait and herd a lot about the country (but in all fairness have never been their for long).

Earlier this week I had a one day trip to Oman (Muscat), and although it is very short of a time to know about the country it was long enough to know that Oman stood out from the rest of the Gulf, or at least the countries where I have been.

For starters, I have to say its a beautiful country. Lots of nature and culture. And I can't say they controlled it but I have to salute them for preserving it. This is a country that doesn't care about building skyscrapers, why would they when they have beautiful mountains in every corner and the Gulf running through the entire city. I was told their buildings don't exceed 8 floors and coming from a place where people compete to build the tallest tower in the world, I have to say it was quite soothing seeing greenery and the sky, I kind of miss them! I think Omanis learned to appreciate the beauty of their country that makes them stand out.

I was also impressed by their active participation in the different sectors and working fields. I got out of the airport and received the shock of my life, I was riding in a cab where the driver was a local Gulfy. In my head I thought he must be an exception. And then the three cab drivers we rode with were Omani... I later learned that none-locals aren't even allowed to be cab drivers.  They believe during a taxi ride they are the best fitting people to educate passengers about Oman. They know their country better than anyone!! And I think that just triggered respect.

I then got to the hotel where the door man and bell men were locals. The music in the reception was played by an Omani. And in my head I thought... "Wow! This is a country that can sustain itself even if it's expats leave!" For a minute I was surprised, even felt awkward because in other countries in the Gulf, locals leave the perceived low end jobs for expats! But I realized... this is how the world works. I'm glad I've lived to see a self sustaining Gulf country!

The culture is also interesting. The way they dress and the pride they take in the different colors of the head turbans. I was also impressed by the building designs. They're not after the modern look... here in Dubai I barely see anything that looks Arab or represents the heritage, but in Oman, I've seen an HSBC with an arabesque design and I loved it. We are Arab and we have a look that makes us distinctive, so why not brag about it and educate the world on it... In the several conversations I have had with Omanis I have noticed that they pride themselves in their ethical standards and their manners... and I would say anyone could say that, but I honestly felt it.

Finally, I felt extremely welcomed! They were happy we were visiting, asked if we're coming back and hoped we stay longer next time... even asked how things were back home in Egypt by more than one person.They expressed their love for Egyptians and how we are welcomed here... and with all honesty... I was never more comfortable in conversation around a local Gulfy except there! 

I loved Oman, loved the nature, the culture, the people, the ethics... Would love to go back again, not for work, but for a holiday!! 

- I understand my observations may not be accurate due to my short stay, I also understand some observations about other Gulf countries may be stereotypical and I apologize for that. I hold A LOT of love and respect for these countries and people. 

Perfect Illusion

We often create this vision for our life... and most of the time its perfect! You imagine that if you plan it right and work for it, there is no reason why life wouldn't turn this vision into reality.

You study hard, you land the best job.
You land the best job, you make good money.
You make good money, you have a great life.
You have a great life, you meet awesome people.
Your meet awesome people, you end up with a good partner.
Your end with a good partner, you have brilliant kids.

But as you move along, you realize that the life you envisioned for yourself is probably an illusion. And illusions are the only place where this vision is perfect. But snap out of it and come to reality you realize that life isn't all pinkish!

You might be with the person you love but that doesn't mean you don't have days when you can't stand their voice! You might be progressing with you're career but that doesn't mean you're satisfied. You might even be happy with your job but that doesn't mean there isn't this one person who just kills your mood at the office. You might be good, decent person but that doesn't mean you're appreciated! You might be sexy but that might not mean you're loved! You might be a good friend, but the doesn't mean the friendship will last.

There is always a "BUT" to the happy story... and in all fairness, this is life. It can't all be cheerful and happy. It can't always be perfect... in fact we know the minute we start to grow up, that perfect doesn't exist!

It's probably not as dramatic, life isn't that bad! However... sometimes you wonder, when does it go right? Or does it ever go right? When do I just relax and enjoy the moment... When do I smile without the back of my head reminding me of some problem of some sort! And especially as we grow older, the stress of realizing that the time of turning this illusion into reality is decreasing is what frustrates you even more. Or perhaps its not too late because you can always change your life, but rather you've expected certain years of your life, your youth, to go differently.

And maybe this is why it is called an illusion.

"BUT" that doesn't mean that we stop closing our eyes a few minutes before we sleep and dive into the utopia we dream of. In fact it's the hope that this illusion may one day become a reality is what keeps us going! The fact that "BUT..." can sometimes be used in a positive light is what makes this illusion even more beautiful.